Wrote This,tell Me What U Think

[the call of ktulu]

The Eternal Monster

Out of my cage and out to kill
I’ll stab you in the heart
And take all of your pride
I’m your own construction

Your life is all from hate
Born through the seeds of sin
You take and I’ll kill
Ignore the glass in my skull

I reflect all but fear
It is what ill do till I’m dead
Shoot me and I won’t die
I am built with guilt

Please take this **** and suffocate
You deserve nothing more then self rebate
I’ll make sure you pay the price
Suffer the time which you have survived

The eternal monster lives on
And he’s here to **** you up
The eternal monster lives on
And it’s time to die

The eternal monster is here for you
He’s been here since million years
The eternal monster will end all life
He’s here to spare all suffer onto me

My life was lost some time ago
Messed up by all I wish to see
Now I have distributed my pain
Feast off of my failure to gain

[session9]

I'm confused a bit by this...reading it, I'm wondering if English is the writer's mother tongue or not.

It needs work anyway, since I presume it's meant to be dark and scary, and in fact it's about as frightening as oatmeal. Sorry to be so severe, but it's probably better to do that than blow smoke up people's asses.

[Syncope]

Sounds like a linkin park song. sorry

[Elfy]

I'm not sure what to make out of it, it seems to jump from 1st and 3rd person; and you need to work on the grammar and the order of which you write the words or the lack of a conjucting word, it doesn't make much sense otherwise, all and all you could try to focus a bit more on what your writing and what your trying to get across.


Oh and not being able to make threads when you first join is a kick in the teeth, ah well.

[Arsonlead15]

I'm sorry, but most of that makes no sence at all. It sounds like you just throw what you seem to think are scary phrases into it to make it sound good.


Your life is all from hate
Born through the seeds of sin
You take and I’ll kill
Ignore the glass in my skull

what? Where did glass un my skull come from?

[Elfy]

I'm sorry, but most of that makes no sence at all. It sounds like you just throw what you seem to think are scary phrases into it to make it sound good.


Your life is all from hate
Born through the seeds of sin
You take and I’ll kill
Ignore the glass in my skull

what? Where did glass un my skull come from?

Could be said that he's trying to define that even him as a monster has weakness, glass being weak; though i'm not sure if that was his intent.

[i am the robots]

What the hell.... that is just bizarre.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

eleven out of ten :thumb:

[espf-250htd06]

idk good topic a diffrent spin on it i like that part but song dont really jump out at me needs some metaphors and some flow work on it and it could be good right now 6/10 check out my song called past desires kinda half way the same topic cya man

[ta'ao]

Would You Like To Making **** Breserker

[the call of ktulu]

when i submitted the song i just recently jotted it down
after editing it a bit i changed it all to 3rd person
all my songs are based on a fictional character who faces loneliness,hate and deception
and for the clarification on the "glass in my skull line"
glass reflects images,therefore im trying to say how nothing can effect the "Eternal Monster"