Precious Time

[session9]

Third song in three days, but I've been posting opinions/crits as well during that time, so it's not all one-way traffic. This song is part of my band's live set. It's not like the first two I posted in terms of content, but I like it anyway.

Precious Time

If you wanna break me,
better take a number and get to the back of the line
But if you wanna wake me,
tear me from my slumber and you could be a friend of mine

But don't you waste my precious time
I'm waiting for you, it's a crime
I don't want to hear your apology
'cos it's not like you meant it for me

If you wanna lead me backwards in confusion
Then all your efforts will be in vain
But if you wanna help me find my own solution
Then you will never hear me complain

But don't you waste my precious time
I'm waiting for you, it's a crime
I don't want to hear your apology
'cos it's not like you meant it for me

And I don't know what it is that you offer
But bad advice is usually free
And I hope that it's not, but if that's all you've got
Then you'd better keep away from me...

And don't you waste my precious time
I'm waiting for you, it's a crime
I don't want to hear your apology
'cos it's not like you meant it for me

So don't you waste my precious time
I'm waiting for you, it's a crime
I don't want to hear your apology
'cos it's not like you meant it for me

[session9]

*bump*

(There must be sombody who read this and could think of something constructive to say, surely?)

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

i thought the first verse was a great opener, but the second line of the chorus just seemed sort of off, like it didnt make sense how you wrote it. your rhyming was very good (or the rhyming since im not sure who in your band writes the lyrics). had a clear point, nothing too flashy, but that doesnt hurt it. good job.

[session9]

Most of us have a go at writing lyrics, but I have to sing them, so I've been doing a bit more lyric writing than the others lately. I wrote these (to my eternal shame).

The chorus' second line (sort of) was meant to express the view that "it's a crime" that "I'm" stuck waiting for the target of the song to reveal their true self of me when "I" could be doing something more personally rewarding. I can see how it might be misinterpreted, so I'll think about it some more.

[session9]

(*BUMP*)

Is there anyone else who has an opinion or can suggest an improvement?