Song by my Drummer

[Arsonlead15]

Yeah, so my drummer write most of our lyrics. I personally think they're good, but I was just looking for some other's imput. Constructive critisism is cool.

Burn

Teenage girls in their disguise
Seduction of the horny eyes
Destruction of remaining pride
I just hate it
Continue on with your charade
But high school’s not where glory’s made
In 20 years your looks will fade
You’ll be jaded

Expression is a wanted dream
There is no way to blow off steam
And morale’s torn at cotton seams
**** on your rules
So in this realm of hate inspired
My spirit has long retired
You’re bout to be ****ing fired
So long you fools

Chorus:
Worn out from what we’ve learned
Make the goddamn school just burn
Arson down to the core
Torch that **** to the floor
Stick a fork in it and turn
Let the mother****er burn
Where freedom’s not allowed
*Do you feel Normal now?

Spaghetti straps can not be seen
Or else boys thoughts might be unclean
But pole-dancing cheerleading aren’t obsene
Not just a mob
I can’t ever concentrate
And screw you would understate
Cuz day by day you irritate
Get a real job
With the lighter you failed to take
I set free children from their wake
Homework is now an ash snowflake
Out for summer
Freedom from the acid rain
And I owe it all to this butane
With relief that I can’t contain
We’re out forever

Chorus

*He goes to Normal Community High School.

[ArtistInTheAmbulence]

Good point, it is very hypocritical.

[SonorKen]

Sounds like something the angry kid from Hansen would write.....

[TheBlackAcidChildren]

Teenage girls in their disguise
Seduction of the horny eyes
Destruction of remaining pride
I just hate it
Continue on with your charade
But high school’s not where glory’s made
In 20 years your looks will fade
You’ll be jaded
I assume this is to be sung without pronouncing the T in "hate". That particular rhyme doesn't work as well. Also the "pride" doesn't quite fit with the S sounds in the previous two rhymes.

Expression is a wanted dream
There is no way to blow off steam
And morale’s torn at cotton seams
It's plural. Plurals don't work as rhymes unless the other words are plural as well. Try revising it.
**** on your rules
So in this realm of hate inspired
My spirit has long retired
You’re bout to be ****ing fired
So long you fools

Chorus:
Worn out from what we’ve learned
Make the goddamn school just burn
There are a few too many syllables in this line, it doesn't roll off the tongue too easily.
Arson down to the core
Torch that **** to the floor
Stick a fork in it and turn
Let the mother****er burn
Bloodhound Gang fan, are we?
Where freedom’s not allowed
Do you feel Normal now?
The use of the high school name is a nice touch, but would be lost on anyone not from your area.

Spaghetti straps can not be seen
Or else boys thoughts might be unclean
But pole-dancing cheerleading aren’t obsene
Not just a mob
I can’t ever concentrate
And screw you would understate
Cuz day by day you irritate
Get a real job
With the lighter you failed to take
I set free children from their wake
Homework is now an ash snowflake
Out for summer
Freedom from the acid rain
And I owe it all to this butane
With relief that I can’t contain
We’re out forever
"summer" and "forever" don't have the strength of rhyme that the others do. Try revising this too.

Chorus

A few things to work on there... the message is clear though. There seem to be quite a few "burn the school" threads lately - where has all this hate for education come from??

A song with good ideas, some dodgy rhymes but a good structure.

[thedeadwalk!]

Normal Community High? i went there!

he rags on girls in the first verse then switches over to scools for the rest, he should change the first verse to go a long with the rest. and he rips off alice cooper at the end with the "out for summer, out forever" bit, messed up his rhyme scheme for it.

my guess is he's not doing to hot with school or the ladies. that's just me, and i could be very wrong.

[CrashingDown213]

Not too bad....for a drummer

[session9]

We do a couple of songs that our drummer wrote, they're some of our best early material. Don't diss the drummer! (That's like mocking the afflicted. :D )

I wonder if the "summer"..."forever" lines are more a knowing wink towards Alice Cooper fans than a rip-off, more homage than plagiarism.

[Arsonlead15]

Normal Community High? i went there!

Really? I wonder if it's the same one.


The line "Make the god**** school just burn" Acually fits with the song sylable wise, but still a good point.


Thanks for the input everybody.:thumb:

[Arsonlead15]

Bump just to see if I get anymore comments

[i am the robots]

That song is worse than my song.

[UnderDawg]

Not too bad....for a drummer

Ouch.....I'm a drummer.

[FunknPunk]

Ouch.....So'm I

[ta'ao]

having a guitarist diss the drummer is like having a bum tell me i'll never wear an armani suit.

[Arsonlead15]

That song is worse than my song.

:) <-----This is me not caring.




I hate it when guitarists and drummers diss each other. There are good drummers and guitarists, and there are crap drummers and guitarists.