The Order of the Dragon- first in an ongoing project

[Steerpike]

Recently, during a discussion in the Rock and Metal forum I pitched the idea I'd had recently of making a Power Metal rock opera based around the life and death of Vlad the Impaler. Despite the demonization he's gone through via German storytelling and Bram Stoker's classic novel "Dracula" the real Vlad Tepes is actually considered a national hero in his homeland even today.

For some reason, getting the idea out of my head and out in the open got me thinking more about it. So, I've started work on this rock opera. I've begun my research into this controversial historical figure, and created a few brief bits and pieces. The opening song is an instrumental, thus this work below, with the working title "The Order of the Dragon," is the first to feature any lyrics. I decided to go minimalist on this song, and save my more verbose writing for later.

Anyway, here's the first draft:

The Order of the Dragon


(Verse 1)
Upon this evening our oath is done
Vlad Basarab is now Vlad Dracul
And now we begin with the rising sun
All shall witness our glory, our strength, and bow

(Verse 2)
In the name of God we shall wage war
In the name of God their blood is spilt
On this oath shall we reign forever more
The Order of the Dragon, the Wallachian prince

(Outro)
O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius

O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius


If there's anything in there you'd like me to explain the historical context to, let me know. Any feedback you can give me I would really appreciate.

[Poker_Face]

O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius?

[Permanent Solution]

I will comment more later probably, but you give me so little to work with, write more :p

[Steerpike]

Each member of the Order of the Dragon was given a medallion that depicted a dragon and a cross. Those two lines were inscriptions on the medallion which translated mean "Oh how merciful is God," and "Just and Faithful" respectfully.

The Order of the Dragon was created by the Holy Roman Empire as a society similar to the Teutonic Order of Knights charged with defending the empire.

[Steerpike]

Okay, as much as I hate bumping my own threads, I must ask once again, is it really that bad that only two people have found it in themselves to post a reply? And even then, they didn't critique.

That really annoys me, because whenever I view a song, I try my ****dest to find at least one constructive thing to say.

If the song is that **** bad, then why don't you just say so? I can take criticism. I'm trying to get better at this, but if no one says a bloody thing, that's a pretty slow-going process isn't it? No one said anything about my last one either. It died without one person posting a response. Not a one. How would some of you feel if your songs kept dropping off with out any real criticism?

[session9]

I presume this depicts a scene in which the founders of the Order are declaring their allegiance and defining the Order's mission. In that respect it does it's job.

As I know very little about the minutiae of history regarding Vlad, I don't have anything further to add, sorry. Perhaps if you could provide some links to historical websites that describe this situation in further detail (if they exist), people with little knowledge of it (like me) might be more able to provide you with constructive criticism.

[i am the robots]

It's a funny subject for a rock opera

[Steerpike]

IPerhaps if you could provide some links to historical websites that describe this situation in further detail (if they exist), people with little knowledge of it (like me) might be more able to provide you with constructive criticism.

http://www.tabula-rasa.info/DarkAges/VladTheImpaler.html

How's that?

It's a funny subject for a rock opera

How so?

[Elfy]

Anyway, here's the first draft:

The Order of the Dragon


(Verse 1)
Upon this evening our oath is done
Vlad Basarab is now Vlad Dracul
And now we begin with the rising sun
All shall witness our glory, our strength, and bow

from this i love it aready, it brings the whole theme into a darkness with a hint of glory and valour, it really is a lovely start; and i'd not change a thing

(Verse 2)
In the name of God we shall wage war
In the name of God their blood is spilt
On this oath shall we reign forever more
The Order of the Dragon, the Wallachian prince

I really am sorry i can't critque this either, i'm not that good at it, but it's wonderful!

(Outro)
O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius

O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius


If there's anything in there you'd like me to explain the historical context to, let me know. Any feedback you can give me I would really appreciate.


I'm really sorry in general, i wish i could comment on what to change; but i simply can't, 10/10 mate, seriously.

I'm not good on the historical side of things, but the imagery in my head is unbeatable, it really does set the mood and the imagination together.

[hdrobot_mdp]

Hey, this is my first time criting you. I really like the style of this one. The way you have historical context written into your writing. "In the name of God...", do you have any Dream Theater influences? But, you make it happen, 7.5/10, good work, but add a little more to make it even better!!

Here is a link to mine, it is my first, keep in mind - http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5300642#post5300642

[Steerpike]

I'm really sorry in general, i wish i could comment on what to change; but i simply can't, 10/10 mate, seriously.

I'm not good on the historical side of things, but the imagery in my head is unbeatable, it really does set the mood and the imagination together.

Thank you. I'm trying to convey a darkly romantic tone to this whole thing, as Vlad Tepes is a very controversial figure in history, and I think the Gothic tradition lends itself well to his story.

Hey, this is my first time criting you. I really like the style of this one. The way you have historical context written into your writing. "In the name of God...", do you have any Dream Theater influences? But, you make it happen, 7.5/10, good work, but add a little more to make it even better!!

I don't have any Dream Theater influences in particular. I might add a third verse, but I decided to go for a minimalist approach on this song because there isn't much to tell just yet. The next chapter in the story is Vladislav Dracul's two sons Vlad and Radu being taken hostage by the Ottoman Empire, and that's when the story goes into full swing.

[i am the robots]

It's a very creative idea.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

rock opera would be a cool concept, sort of a symphony x type of deal? thatd rule if you could pull it off man :)

oh yeah, youve guilted me into critting you, because of what you said about keeping the forum alive ;)

Anyway, here's the first draft:

The Order of the Dragon


(Verse 1)
Upon this evening our oath is done
Vlad Basarab is now Vlad Dracul
And now we begin with the rising sun
All shall witness our glory, our strength, and bow

--im not on the up and up with my ancient norweigan (i think?) history... but this was very good, the rhyming seemed to flow pretty smoothly, although the sun/done just doesnt suit my taste, but it works, so hey.

(Verse 2)
In the name of God we shall wage war
In the name of God their blood is spilt
On this oath shall we reign forever more
The Order of the Dragon, the Wallachian prince

--not rhyme between the 2nd and 4th lines this time? thats okay i guess, i mean no one will really notice (besides me), i dont know what you could do to change it anyway. i enjoyed the repetition in the first two lines, it makes this verse seem all the more powerful. the 3rd line was excellent.

(Outro)
O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius

O quam misericors est Deus
Justus et Pius

--i dont know latin :(

very cool concept, and with lyrics like these, i could see you pulling it off. if you write some more lyrics post em up.

9/10

check out The Shelter if you dont mind :)

[Steerpike]

--im not on the up and up with my ancient norweigan (i think?) history... but this was very good, the rhyming seemed to flow pretty smoothly, although the sun/done just doesnt suit my taste, but it works, so hey.

Let me give you a quick background. I already described the Order of the Dragon earlier in the thread. Vlad Dracul was a prince of Wallachia, which was one of two nations which later joined together into modern-day Romania.

Transylvania, which Vlad Dracul, and later his son Vlad Tepes, was appointed to rule over wasn't even a nation. It was a small province that the Ottomans and the Holy Roman Empire were fighting over. The main reason was because it was right next to the Borgo Pass, which was one of only a handful of safe routes through the Carpathian Mountains. This made it a very strategic and desirable location.

I'll go into heavier details in later songs.

Anyway, I pictured this song as having slow, hymn-like vocals to convey a mythic quality. That's why I chose a relatively simple rhyme scheme, if that's any help.

--not rhyme between the 2nd and 4th lines this time? thats okay i guess, i mean no one will really notice (besides me), i dont know what you could do to change it anyway. i enjoyed the repetition in the first two lines, it makes this verse seem all the more powerful. the 3rd line was excellent.

Thank you. Again, I wanted to try and give it that mythic quality. I think it's safe to say I pulled it off?

--i dont know latin :(

Those are the inscriptions on the amulets given to members of the Order. It translates to:

Oh how merciful is God
Just and faithful

very cool concept, and with lyrics like these, i could see you pulling it off. if you write some more lyrics post em up.

9/10

check out The Shelter if you dont mind :)

Thanks again. I'll track down The Shelter, though it might take me a minute if it dropped back a page or two. My search function hasn't worked in months.

[Jezen]

Bloody awesome. And as you said, there will be a part 2. And there is nothing cooler than a song with two parts, unless if a band cut all of their songs in two. :lol:
I could imagine this with a lot of instrumental parts and/or solos. Short and sweet. I think with that bit in latin, you should get background singers to do that. It would sound mad. I am eagerly awaiting the second part. 8.5/10 because I prefer longer songs, but I still really liked it.
Could you please take a look at my latest piece here:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=259046

[Steerpike]

Like I said, this is going to be a rock opera. I'm trying to write an entire album here.

Anyway, I'll take a look at your song now.

[idontcarewhatyouthink]

I think this is a really cool idea and i like it and how it tells story and everything but thats all i can really say because i dont really know what to look for since im new at all this stuff.

Thanks for looking at mine.