Tainted Superstar (Please Crit & I'll Crit Back!)

[Cipher Hour]

This is the first song I've written in a long time (been busy working on my screenplay). All crits are appreciated and will be returned! This song is dedicated to an ex-hero of mine.

Tainted Superstar
By: Cipher Hour

Melodies of forgotten songs,
Haunting dreams of times I’ve lost.
Faded spotlight stains my face,
A sacrifice not worth the cost.
There was a time when I used to smile,
I played for fun and not for fame.
Poisoned dreams or so it seems,
Changed to make myself a name.

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
He’s got a flyer, came to see the band.
Waited 6 hours for an autograph,
Front man won’t even shake his hand.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…

Pleasant dreams, hard rock scenes,
Garage band playing on the radio.
We used to sleep on basement floors,
It’s how you livin when you rock n’ roll!
Compromise our sound? No way!
We’ll play it loud; we don’t care what you say.
“Fancy cars and women will never faze me!”
Who knew that it would change someday?

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
He’s got a flyer, came to see the band.
Waited 6 hours for an autograph,
Front man won’t even shake his hand.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…

There are no holes in my pockets,
There’s one in my heart and it’s killin me!
The band broke up, my fame long gone,
I’ve become a distant memory.
Lamenting over paths not taken,
Abandoned dreams to be on MTV.
What’s the point of moving along-
When you’ve got no pride or integrity?

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
His eyes are cold, used to love the band.
Jaded child, he looks so familiar,
I reach out and he spits in my hand.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…

The End

[Flanagan]

great song!

[ArtistInTheAmbulence]

I like the idea but you probably should have stuck with the simple rhyme scheme you begain with

[Cipher Hour]

Thanks for the crits man. Anybody else?

[Cipher Hour]

bump

[Permanent Solution]

Melodies of forgotten songs,
Haunting dreams of times I’ve lost.
Faded spotlight stains my face,
A sacrifice not worth the cost.
There was a time when I used to smile,
I played for fun and not for fame.
Poisoned dreams or so it seems,
Changed to make myself a name.
---Simple rhymes, simple words. Seems dumbed down for you, but not bad for most anyone else :p

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
He’s got a flyer, came to see the band.
Waited 6 hours for an autograph,
Front man won’t even shake his hand.
---Last line has too many syllables, lose one. Still simple rhymes and diction, maybe it is a theme, but very different from your other work.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…
---Sellout? Cliche, maybe another word for that? Odd rhyme scheme, but not overly bad really. Better rhymes here, not gret though. Last line seems off, I'd have to hear it.

Pleasant dreams, hard rock scenes,
Garage band playing on the radio.
We used to sleep on basement floors,
It’s how you livin when you rock n’ roll!
Compromise our sound? No way!
We’ll play it loud; we don’t care what you say.
“Fancy cars and women will never faze me!”
Who knew that it would change someday?
---Whoa, I like this, but your rhyme scheme went to hell. I am confused, but this part was the best so far imo.

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
He’s got a flyer, came to see the band.
Waited 6 hours for an autograph,
Front man won’t even shake his hand.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…

There are no holes in my pockets,
There’s one in my heart and it’s killin me!
The band broke up, my fame long gone,
I’ve become a distant memory.
Lamenting over paths not taken,
Abandoned dreams to be on MTV.
What’s the point of moving along-
When you’ve got no pride or integrity?
---Good rhymes, good diction, well done...this is getting better.

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
His eyes are cold, used to love the band.
Jaded child, he looks so familiar,
I reach out and he spits in my hand.
---Nice switch up, good imagery.

Tainted superstar,
Sellout, playing a sold out show.
Tainted superstar,
There’s a man in the stands…
-And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,
“What happened to my super hero?”
Tainted superstar…

---The beginning was very meh, it was very subpar, it got progressively better and by the end was very good. I would rework the beginning, but that is me. Do as you wish.

[espf-250htd06]

not my style but i like it some reason i was think about writing a song to this subject kinda half way but the rock start perspective in this is kinda cool i think all though it comes off a little punkish which i dont like but w/e your style is dude go with it...

flow isnt good and could be worded better

There’s a little boy in the mirror,
He’s got a flyer, came to see the band.
Waited 6 hours for an autograph,
Front man won’t even shake his hand.

I think that line breaks the flow a little

And he’s got stones to throw!
Oh, and he just wants to know,

dont like this line idk why just isnt good lol

6.9/10 check out my song past desires and leave me a crit cya lata man