Journey To The Deep End

[MisterXIsSilent]

This was already posted but I changed a few things so crit pleez I think its one of my best if you look at my other songs

Im on a joruney to the deep end
One filled with solitude and sleep
I only ever needed one friend
But no one quite accepted me
Im on a mission to evade you
Is it me or another test
I cant go on living untrue
Im sick and tired of being second best

Chorus:
So many days have passed
where I wished the next wouldnt come
My life is changing fast
and I dont like what Iv become

And as I watch the sun
dip below the sky
I watch the night come out
I watch my life pass by
What have I dont
What have I become
So many years have passed
they were all for none

Chorus

Interlude:
Now my hearts beating faster then ever
and my backs turned against the wall
I feel my life crumble beneath my feet
and I brace myself for the fall

Chorus
Solo

Verse 3:
Now Im stuck in my mind captured cell
some call this a living hell
But I call this a re-birth
I call this a new peace on earth
A new peace on earth (x2 JUST THAT LINE)

[session9]

"sleep" and "me", that's a tenuous rhyming combination at best. There's a few stock phrases and rhymes in here, but I know how hard it is to come up with something that feels novel.

I used to write stuff like this, and still do occasionally - but I try not to. That's not me saying it's terrible or anything, just that reading it makes me feel a bit "seen it, done it, bought the t-shirt". If this was mine, I'd look for a central metaphor that captures most of the aspects of what I'm trying to say and explore it's possibilities over the course of the song, rather than falling into the "rap trap" of making every other line a new (minor) metaphor. That'w what dilutes the message for me. Keep at it though!