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Linkin_Park15
10-29-2004, 06:30 AM
Be Myself

Verse 1

You're constantly pushing me
to be something i'm not
really tell me why are you doing this
to me? When I just wanna be....

Chorus

Me, not you
I'll be what I want to
Just me, not you
You're never gonna change that

Verse 2

Why can't you accept the fact
that I'm me? Just face it, you're never
gonna change me cause i'm just gonna be....

Verse 3

I'll never be you unless I want to
Just get over it cause i'm only gonna
be...

Diminishedfaith
10-29-2004, 03:13 PM
put more imagery, this thing keeps saying me.

i can definatly tell your influences.

use more vocab and images!

TheBlackAcidChildren
10-29-2004, 03:16 PM
i can definatly tell your influences.

Agreed. This song is Linkin Park to the core... except it has fewer lyrics.
Try, as Diminishedfaith says, to add more imagery to the song. The rhymes get over-used and lose power.
If this was performed it'd also probably end up about a minute and a half long. It needs more body to it, and probably some expansion of the theme; the "you keep trying to change me but I won't" message is clear from the start, but then you just end up repeating it - try going into what the change is, more of a detail about who "you" and "me" are.

Chucky
10-29-2004, 03:28 PM
adjectives and adverbs def.. needed

testtubebaby
10-29-2004, 04:52 PM
yeah you need a longer song and the song is kinda boring sounds like you got mad at your dad and wrote this song when you were grounded. dont take offense

Janitor
10-29-2004, 05:12 PM
You're basically saying the exact same thing over and over. Keep trying, you'll progress.

Merkaba
10-30-2004, 12:29 AM
Yea. Normally i dont post this way , but im going to. If youre influenced heavily by a band, dont put them as part of your user name or title. This one is just too obvious. You could post about any LP song to substitute. I mean like LP..but this song has no substance and is hopefully a part of your unnurtured growth phase as a writer. keep working.

espf-250htd06
10-30-2004, 09:18 PM
idk boring short and dont say alot, i know your just starting and this kinda reminds me of what i wrote on my first song but you just gota spend more time on it go deeper with it be more complex about it 5/10 check out my stuff some time

past desires

cant see me through the wall i would appericate a crit cya lata

i am the robots
10-30-2004, 09:21 PM
Needs more meaning, sounds like your just trying to be Chester Bennington... btw people gotta cut him some slack they're always like "little bitch who didn't have problems, he complains to much, he isn't different,"

Most people don't realize in high school he was addicted to cochaine, 6 of his friends commit suicide, he was raped, and his one friend broke his neck skate boarding.

So yeah he does have **** to complain about... bitches.

Merkaba
10-31-2004, 12:37 AM
I like LP. They just need to grow. Chester can put that angst into something new....hopefully they all will.

Steerpike
10-31-2004, 12:50 AM
You're constantly pushing me
to be something i'm not
really tell me why are you doing this
to me? When I just wanna be....

Okay you started off decent, but it comes across just a little flat. It's good that you used a touch of angst without making it openly whiny, though.

I'm going to agree with eveyone else and recommend spicing this up a little with imagery and metaphor.

Me, not you
I'll be what I want to
Just me, not you
You're never gonna change that

Repetitive. Diversify it a little more. Maybe the chorus is describing the fight to maintain individuality merely than stating the desire to be so? To use or not to use, I'm just pulling stuff out of the air here.

Why can't you accept the fact
that I'm me? Just face it, you're never
gonna change me cause i'm just gonna be....

Was the change in structure here deliberate? I'm not really sure.

I'll never be you unless I want to
Just get over it cause i'm only gonna
be...

Again, it's kind of repetitive. Feel free to get as expressive as you can. Part of good writing is to try and avoid being too on-the-nose. The only being that communicates explicitly what they're saying is Mr. Spock.

I'm not really a big fan of Linkin Park, but if that who you're influenced by, you know your business. Anyway, you're at the stage of trying to find your voice as a wrtier. You've got your influences, so that's a good start. Keep posting here. People will really help you figure out the elements that make your music personal. You have to learn to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Stick with it.

Linkin_Park15
11-02-2004, 08:58 AM
Thanks everybody, for all your advice. That was my first song, as most of you can no doubt tell. I'll keep trying.

BassMan182
11-02-2004, 12:01 PM
Be Myself

Verse 1

You're constantly pushing me
to be something i'm not
really tell me why are you doing this
to me? When I just wanna be....

Chorus

Me, not you
I'll be what I want to
Just me, not you
You're never gonna change that

Verse 2

Why can't you accept the fact
that I'm me? Just face it, you're never
gonna change me cause i'm just gonna be....

Verse 3

I'll never be you unless I want to
Just get over it cause i'm only gonna
be...

somehow i can't think you've put much feeling into it, and just written an LP song. it's a good start though.

Infinatedestiny
12-15-2004, 08:00 AM
can people rate mine pleaser?

morrissey
12-15-2004, 08:05 AM
can people rate mine pleaser?

...

you bumped an old thread...

to advertise your song...

WTF??

Linkin_Park15
12-15-2004, 08:06 AM
Leave this thread alone, people!

morrissey
12-15-2004, 08:07 AM
Leave this thread alone, people!

1...2...and teh 3. :)

Diatonic Dissonance™
12-15-2004, 08:10 AM
You're constantly pushing me
to be something i'm not
really tell me why are you doing this
to me? When I just wanna be....
Uh, this is just my opinion, but this part seems very cheesy to me.

"Why are you doing this to me? I just wanna be" - I'd get rid of that.

At the end of every verse you say "I just wanna be". That's awfully repetitive, expecially considering each verse is only two or three lines.

Final Verdict:

Still has potential, re-write it with alot more lyrics whilst still basing it around the same topic.

Then re-post it here. Keep up the good work, :thumb:.

morrissey
12-15-2004, 08:11 AM
^^^ I didn't think you were serious about coming over to S&L ;). Welcome :wave:

Diatonic Dissonance™
12-15-2004, 08:17 AM
Heh, yeah. The Pit was getting kind of boring so I thought I'd go to Guitar then I thought; "wait... Mozza said something about S&L, I may aswell check it out!"

:p

Infinatedestiny
12-15-2004, 08:19 AM
bit of a rude pic huh?

Diatonic Dissonance™
12-15-2004, 08:21 AM
Who? Me?

It's not really that rude, it's got Christmas decorations! :D.

And besides, you really shouldn't take it seriously.

morrissey
12-15-2004, 08:26 AM
Who? Me?

It's not really that rude, it's got Christmas decorations! :D.

And besides, you really shouldn't take it seriously.

Watch out for him. Probably trying to start trouble, because you mentioned my name...he's got something against me...

/BTW, S&L is turning into Days of Our Lives, quite the drama :eek:

Infinatedestiny
12-15-2004, 08:28 AM
ahh well the xmas decs r pretty sound

Diatonic Dissonance™
12-15-2004, 08:29 AM
Yeah, it's a Pit tradition to "Chris-ma-fie" your avatar.

Infinatedestiny
12-15-2004, 08:32 AM
kool.

EonBlueApocalypse
12-15-2004, 03:54 PM
i was ok....the lines were repedative and didn't catch my attention, using more metaphors and things of that nature would make your writing better in the future.