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View Full Version : Another Journey...(Poem)


Chucky
10-28-2004, 11:32 AM
this is my first piece of poetry... please crit.
I'm not sure on the title tho... anybody have any other ideas?

Another Journey

As the sun seeps up into the sky
I set off for the peak of the mountain
The wind takes the seeds and the leaves fall from trees
The roads get steeper,
as my mind becomes older
My last step felt ever so sweet that my heart started to beat
The birds fly freely over the orange horizon
I stand there as the moon fades in and for a minute, I lie.

Now, all I have to do is go back home...

Hyung Joon Kim

ta'ao
10-28-2004, 12:14 PM
this sounds like Li Bai translated into english: it makes more sense in chinese.

Chucky
10-28-2004, 04:27 PM
Li Bai ? who is that or what is that?

anybody want to crit mine... I'll crit back!