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View Full Version : a new political song (crit for a crit)


powerkegi
10-26-2004, 07:08 PM
hey everyone has a political song or idea it seems so i have some thoughts on the whole campaign. I like the song. It's been a pretty easy song to write and the first draft isgood. Check it out and if you reply ill give you a comprehensive crit. Thank you. :thumb:

A man got kicked in the face today
For hanging a flag that said USA
He screamed loud as he hung it high
His last bloody words were simper fi

A women hit a hammer to a wooden post
She planned to go over the west coast
Putting signs out saying just vote at all
And if your countries needs you just answer the call

Extra is what they say
After ****ís gone down at the end of the day
The light in the tunnel is dimming down
As the free world screams to make a new crown

Cut your throat and pierce your eyes
Plug your ****ing ears from the bull**** lies
No ones telling the truth oh what a shame
Well to bad if they donít write your name

Extra is what they say
After ****ís gone down at the end of the day
The light in the tunnel is dimming down
As the free world screams to make a new crown

****s gone down and its plain to see
That the present is the past and the way it will be
The end of the earth is in our hands
And were busy drinking in the football stands

espf-250htd06
10-26-2004, 07:11 PM
sounds to punkish for me not bad that to short flow was decent but could be better, 4.5/10 crit my song level ground

drumtracks
10-27-2004, 11:52 AM
I think you have real talent for rhyme. This could actually be a powerful poem if decide to never add music to it. It has an opinionated message that actually makes sense. I would love to hear to it put to melody :)

Great Job!!

http://www.TartarDrumStudios.com

FunknPunk
10-27-2004, 12:15 PM
I liked it! 6/10

The flow was pretty good except the
Extra is what they say
After ****ís gone down at the end of the day
But if you put a downbeat before the "extra" it flows well. Put it to music, ay? I think it'd sound pretty good.

It's very punk, by the way, so I hope that's what your band is. I doubt it'd even work for like metal or even alt. (though it might, on second thoughts....)

well done.

Lucky Savage
10-27-2004, 05:18 PM
Like the others said, this song is very punkish. You seem to know exactly what needs to be said and where, and nothing seems out of place. The only problem I have is with the last few stanzas, which are just a tad repetitive. Maybe adding another verse or two would smooth out the song.

7/10

Arm_The_Homeless
11-03-2004, 10:34 PM
yeah just a bit repeditave and not my taste but itd sound good sang fast i think. i dont know what to rate it.

Steerpike
11-03-2004, 10:50 PM
The rhyme scheme is a little cliche and it gets repetitive toward the end, but otherwise, not bad. It's got a message without being preachy, and it kind of has a Dead Kennedys feel to it. Keep working with this.