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theBOYinTHEcorner
10-26-2004, 01:10 PM
A Champagne Magnificence
A champagne magnificence
a portrayal of your imperfections
I never tried to(never never tried to)
I never tried to fall so hard(or to fall apart)
or to break the heart of the innocent one now

all along the city streets
a little bit after the midnight hour
watching shooting stars shoot down your glory
reading blank pages to an endless story
lying on the rails of forgotten train wrecks
tomorrow’s to long I just want my years back

a champagne magnificence
force a smile to an empty casket
you’re holding on to(never let me get you)
everything you thought true(I just lied)
Because when I decide you’ll be the first to know now

all along the city streets
a little bit after the midnight hour
watching meteors shower redemption
as if they’re trying to set perfection
give it time to find what she lacks
tomorrow’s to long I just want my years back

espf-250htd06
10-26-2004, 03:02 PM
idk i different take on a used subjec i gota give u that the flow wouldnt good at all wouldnt really my style idk didnt appeal to me sounds like an old man talking instead of a song lol not bad though city streets, midnight hour, not good words, really liked portrayal of your imperfections idk not to bad over all considering your new at this 6/10

espf-250htd06
10-26-2004, 03:04 PM
oh yea crit my song level ground and the one called disbielf if you want to but at least level ground cya

CrashingDown213
10-26-2004, 03:24 PM
Although it was pretty repititive and lacked in length, I still thought it was pretty good..
The chorus was alright but could use a little work..
The verses were pretty good and held a good structure throughout..
The only other thing would be to add another verse or two..
Nice start..7/10

factor46
10-26-2004, 03:28 PM
very very nice. i wasnt gonna crit this one, but i read it thoroughly and it was awesome. the first stanza was a beautiful intro, and i liked the contradiction in the first three lines. after reading it, it sorta reminded me of a linkin park song...probably because of the wording in parenthasis...but its too good for them. :D i see youre new to the forums, but youre obviously not new to writing. nice descrptive wording, nice flow, nice structure, nice imagery.....nice everything. 9.4/10 :thumb:


i hope i dont seem like im drooling all over
the keyboard or something, by bragging on
you like that. but it was a good song.


could you crit mine?
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=256131
-thanks.

factor46
10-26-2004, 03:29 PM
heh...that was my 500th post. :D

Thechristianslovetheirguns
10-26-2004, 03:36 PM
it's good... kinda short and there's not much there that i relate to still it's well written and has cool rimes... i like it specially becasue it's easy to understand the song itself...

best verses:
watching shooting stars shoot down your glory
reading blank pages to an endless story
lying on the rails of forgotten train wrecks
tomorrow’s to long I just want my years back

could you crit mine back?
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5221329#post5221329

theBOYinTHEcorner
10-27-2004, 08:23 PM
i appreciation but could you guys please stop calling me new ..im not new i used to be under a different name but it got deleted so i got the new name but im an old timer here ladies and gents