View Full Version : Crit: "Weave"

10-24-2004, 04:45 PM
Hey all,

Please crit this, and I will get into some serious critting of my own in the morning. I just felt that it might have been a little rude to start critting your work without you being able to crit mine.

Thanks, and go mental:


Show a face for all needs
Perhaps today we'll see a smile?
Tales of neglect? Feel the pain
Make me feel like I'm to blame

Or shed a tear
Tell a tale
Shake the can
You'll never fail
But do you care?
Or really feel?
Pay the man; all is revealed

Today the face smiles at me
You don't even know my name
Distorted truths become this live-in lie
Slave to the calll we all abide

You live the lies you weave
The words that you need
To believe in yourself
To believe it will help
To fill this conscious void