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Metal G
10-20-2004, 10:28 AM
OK, hi all, this is a song i wrote around 2:30 this morning, The song is sung like something on ..and justice for all....
oh by the way, i need a new name for it, any suggestions?

[text] - means backing vocals


When I look around,
I see debris, death and fear,
Killing is a living,
Loved ones disappear,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through, yeah heh (through is sang "throoooouuughhh")

When I look at you,
I see lies, emptiness and wealth,
Sorrow is a part of you,
Slowly destroying your health,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

*Slowly fades

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]

thedeadwalk!
10-20-2004, 10:39 AM
add another verse or something, maybe "when i look at myself..." you've got a good thing here. 9/10.

thedeadwalk!
10-20-2004, 10:40 AM
title: "And You Are?"

Metal G
10-20-2004, 10:44 AM
ok, how bout this





When I look around,
I see debris, death and fear,
Killing is a living,
Loved ones disappear,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

When I look at you,
I see lies, emptiness and wealth,
Sorrow is a part of you,
Slowly destroying your health,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

When I look at myself,
I see hatred, pain and misery
I cannot move on in life,
Death will set me free,

*Slowly fades

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]

funkywhiteboy
10-20-2004, 03:11 PM
I think it sounds a lot better. Good use of rhyming and repetition. 8/10.

thedeadwalk!
10-20-2004, 05:33 PM
work on the last verse a bit, sounds like a very direct version of fade to black.

jameschez
10-22-2004, 07:27 AM
i really like it!
Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through


sounds like a dreamtheater song ive heard (cant recall the name though!)
its really catchy to very metallica like.

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]

not to sure about this part. i dont like the last line to much use of the same word.

p.s can i steal it??! lol

8/10