my demo song, "Into Oblivion"

[drivingfastvan]

(title not official yet :P )

Ive been struggling with this song for a looooooooong time.

i think ive finally made some good prgress and i want to know what you guys dont like about it. seriously if anypart doesnt sink into your chest and send chills up or down your spine i want to know about it. tell me if the emotion is even brought across and how well it is, and if the lryics all make sence and are good or not. be brutal or i wont be able to improve it.

anyway heres the song:
http://www.angelfire.com/ego2/jimshht2/

and the lryics:
you got me slipping away
through painted black eyes
i'm drifing hopeless
nothing makes sence anymore
i beg of your temerity
a shortlived conquest in my head
nothing ever seems to fit

fighting my own way through the barricades again
noones hand is reaching out, to free free me from myself
so alone, so alive, so afraid, so insecure
untill slowly i sink into oblivion

and im left with
a selfish family
push their ideals onto me
misdirection
its like noone cares anymore
its just so hard to be myself
i feel so hopeless on my own

cant hide from my frustrations
and im drowning in a quicksand of my sins
but i refuse to sink persist nomatter what
but all the scattered shards are gone


dont bother with sound quality or wheter im hitting the notes perfectly or if i mess up on guitar, just judge the song as it could possibly stand if i do go into a studio and put it on a demo tape.

[swedelead]

That is really good work on keeping your rhythm constant. I dig the emotion you put into your singing however you should have someone else sing it because you are a little flat for the most part right through. Awesome spine chilling chord progression. Keep on rockin. :thumb:

[guitarist532]

Good work man.

[frankenstein203]

Good work man.

dude look on the guitar forum I posted at least 40 times trying to tell you to PLEEEEAASE tab it for me so I can cover it for you and you can see what it COULD sound like. I really wanna learn this song, the guitar sounds amazing in it.

[IwantAcookie]

good guitar work, singing could be improved...a lot, if your the singer have someone else sing while you play. I would have enjoyed it a lot more with a good singer, but other than that it was pretty good.