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Disco Dragon
10-11-2004, 09:16 PM
They lean on you when they’re weary
You are the rock for the masses
Stable enough to rely
But too stubborn to reply
When the weary asked you why
You’re so sturdy but so passive

You, the stone
You are their home
The only thing left
That can stand on its own

Your imprint will remain
Even if you leave them tomorrow
Run from stability
Find some tranquility
And forget your chivalry
To sulk in your own sorrow

You, the stone
You have now outgrown
The only life
That you have ever known

The weary have forgotten you
But you have not forgotten them
They have found a new rock
And you have found a new spot
But the identity you once fought
Has come back to you again

And the weary return

AliceMaynardgarden
10-11-2004, 09:24 PM
This song sounds like it flowed right out of you. It's very fluid, at least to me. I like how it's progressive; it seems to have a dark undertone, but the light shines through in a very evident way. I'm not the best at rating songs, I guess, and sorry i couldn't offer some criticism, but i really like it. 8/10

Disco Dragon
10-11-2004, 09:26 PM
Thanks much Alice, I'm glad you liked it. Don't worry about not being able to offer criticism, I'm just happy you took the time to read it and tell me what you thought of it.

AliceMaynardgarden
10-11-2004, 09:29 PM
anytime, man. hey, do me a favor....i posted a song for the first time on this board at around 7:20 and i haven't gotten any feedback at all. could you read it and let me know what you think? even if it sucks, i just want somebody to rate it

RollerQueen
10-11-2004, 09:30 PM
I was about to say that this reminded me of a Bob Dylan song but no... Perhaps Dispatch? What I like is the use of imagery, but not so much the subject of the imagery. The rhyming is simple and bland. I would omit it entirely or spice it up a little bit with more interesting diction. I usually like your writings (though I may not comment) but this one didn't carry me either way.

Disco Dragon
10-11-2004, 09:33 PM
Thanks for your opinion RollerQueen. I was actually going for a simple song with a different kind of rhyme structure. I followed an ABCCCB pattern for the verses, which is something I've never done. I guess I know not to do it again :). Thanks again for your input Roller.

RollerQueen
10-11-2004, 09:43 PM
Oh there is nothing wrong with rhyme schemes but people usually don't use them properly and it's usually better to not use them than to bring a piece down in those cases. Revise, my friend, revise.

Disco Dragon
10-11-2004, 09:46 PM
Haha, revise I will. I'll work on it when I'm not so tired. So expect a new draft up sometime tomorrow.

Shady Ultima
10-11-2004, 10:15 PM
I gotta say this, the song seems very religious to me. It sounds like it's about how God is basically being forgotten in the world these days. I don't know if that's what you intended, but good job! 7/10 My first real ranking, so I'm not sure if that's a good one... I think 7 is fair though,

AliceMaynardgarden
10-12-2004, 12:57 PM
i'm bumping this song because i think too many people haven't bothered to read it yet, and they need to get off their lazy arses and do so!

BlacklightGuitarist
10-12-2004, 03:32 PM
Well, I'm really really really tired, so I'm not going to do the whole "bit by bit" thing... Good job - mucho like-o.

Peace,
Andy

Bexi
10-12-2004, 04:03 PM
They lean on you when they’re weary
You are the rock for the masses
Stable enough to rely
But too stubborn to reply--this says alot to me...it reminds me of how someone can be totally involved in helping other peole, but don't really open up to be helped
When the weary asked you why
You’re so sturdy but so passive---passive is a good word to use, because i think irresponsive would have taken away from what you mean by sturdy

You, the stone
You are their home
The only thing left
That can stand on its own

Your imprint will remain
Even if you leave them tomorrow--this sort of never forgotten thing was abit weak, but in it's place i can see why you used it
Run from stability--go crazy for a while, don't be so dayum reliable, right ?
Find some tranquility
And forget your chivalry
To sulk in your own sorrow---again, i feel like i'm reading this like someone who gives so much time beign there fo others, they forget to be there for themselves...

You, the stone
You have now outgrown
The only life
That you have ever known--and now..they can't take it any more..they need to strta being a bit selfish

The weary have forgotten you
But you have not forgotten them
They have found a new rock
And you have found a new spot
But the identity you once fought
Has come back to you again

And the weary return - so you took tiem out...let other people sort themselves out while you helped yourself...but now that spell is over...here they come again...needing that rock..even after that rock swore they couldn't be taht rock any more...


Sooryyy that wasn't a crit it was an interpretation, IKNOW

i dunno DD i just find your songs alwayyyys relatable, even when they are so far from obvious. Of course, this song could be about something entirely different. As i continue to say...if i see a picture that clearly in a song, it means i like it a lot.

Disco Dragon
10-12-2004, 09:25 PM
thank you all so much for taking the time to read/crit/interpret this song. that means a helluva lot to me. and thanks for the bump Alice :).

Bexi, your interpretations never cease to amaze me. you have basically said word for word what i felt the meaning behind this song was. as a matter of fact, this is the most dead-on interpretation of any song i've ever written. i was definately trying to get at the inner turmoils of someone who is considered to a very reliable person. someone who does everything they can for someone without being asked, but never really takes time to help themselves. they go unsung until they start to become a little less selfess, and make people realize that they need this person more than they thought.

once again, thank you all for responding to this.

TexasRocker
10-13-2004, 01:52 PM
Love the imagery, a very inspiring song. I feel like writing now.

Bexi
10-14-2004, 02:28 PM
It's a story well written so...theer you have it. I'm really glad I wasn't way off

treyblanchard
10-24-2004, 06:43 PM
nice