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xKONRADx
09-19-2004, 09:46 PM
This thread is dedicated to the review and analyzation of published and/or otherwise professional poetry and/or lyrics.

From here out the terms song and poem, or any variations there of, are synonymous.

How this works:
1. Songs will be posted and reviewed by members of the S&L forum. (this means that you should have been hanging out around here for about two weeks or more and be involved in the community. Also, if you are new to songwriting or poetry wait until you get good reviews on your work consistantly!)
2. The review will be focused on a spesific aspect of songwriting.
3. Any questions/arguments or any general talk about the review and/or song will be held in the community thread as not to clutter this one. (this will make it easier to find the newest song)
4. As soon as a song is posted, a different member may post a 'save' spot. After two days they may edit in their song and review. In the 'save' post they may list the song they intend to review.

Rules:
1. Credit must be given to all appropraite sources.
2. No spamming or posting other than reviews or 'save' spots. (discussion can be held in the community thread)
3. New songs can only be posted two days (48hrs) after the last posted song. There may be no 'save' posts made by a member after they reveiw a song. They may however wait for the two day deadline to pass and if no other member has saved a spot by this time they may post a song.
4. If anyone fails to enter a song into their 'saved' spot within two days after they are allowed to, anyone may post a song in their place.
5. Reveiws should follow the standard format

Format for reviews:
Writer(or band if applicable)
Title of piece
(link to any legal audio clips if you have one)
The specific focus of review (ie to show good imagery, to show relavance)

The song itself (this should be in italics)

The review. (some people like to crit after each verse or stanza and this is also acceptable, but remember to make only the song italics)


Within the next week or two this rules and standards post will be updated as needed, so make sure to check back for changes to the rules before posting a new song. Also any suggestions toward the rules for this thread are welcome in the community thread. Thanks. :thumb:

metaliq
09-19-2004, 09:49 PM
Artist: MewithoutYou
Title: January 1979
MP3 Link: http://www.purevolume.com/mewithoutyou/music
Focus: Rhythm, imagery, meaning hidden behind the imagery, alot of never before used imagery


January, 1979 saw a terrible crash and it couldnít help but laugh.
My ear pressed against the pass like a glass on a wall of a hospital photograph.
My forehead no longer sweet with holy kisses worthy of your fiery lips.
I was floating in a peaceful sea rescued by a sinking ship.


The way that Aaron Weiss writes his lyrics always seem to have a good sense of rhythm, and hardly seem to delute the meaning of it... his vocal style fits his lyrics perfectly... anyway, on to the actual lyrics.

The first line and second line have four points where it seems to rhyme (its obvious but for the sake of something the words were 'crash', 'laugh', 'pass', 'glass', and 'photograph'. The thing that sticks out about that is that those words are not oftenly put together in rhythm. That is what is needed for a song with constant rhymes to be good.

'My ear pressed against the pass like a glass on a wall of a hospital photograph.' usses a nice similie and the imagery is very strong. The line 'I was floating in a peaceful sea rescued by a sinking ship.' is a very good metaphor and I havent heard it anywhere before.


If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall.
(I could be your servant)
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall.
(If I could be your servant)
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall.
(I could be your servant)
If I could become the servant of all, no lower place to fall.
(If I could be your servant)


The chorus is semi repetative, but if you listen to the song it fits the song well. I think alot of people look at repatition as a bad thing for lyrics, but if the song requires something such as this it shouldnt be shunned upon, specially if the verses are really strong.


You watch me like a ten car highway wreck with a tact, bold or curiosity?
Us looking down on the tops of the hats of us passersby from your seventh floor balcony and grew such a height we missed creatures too small for sight.
Carry on over conversation as the misguided insects crown me their grasshopper king with a dance of celebration.


Wow, alot of rhythm here and it might not be as visible through the lyrics themself... the words that flow together are 'wreck' and 'tact'; 'curiosity' and 'balcony'; 'height' and 'sight'; and 'conversation' and 'celebration'. I think alot of the emphasis on what is supose to rhyme has alot to do with how the vocalist enounciates.

The imagery in this stanza is strong as well... he likes to compare and contrast alot, which seems to be missing in a lot of songs. I know there is meaning here, but I am not sure if I am taking it the correct way... either way, it does make you think about the images he uses and what they mean.

Once again, he uses alot of uncommon images.


After years with their crown on my head, Iím rolling over in bed unconcerned and comfortably numb kept busy indulging in the pleasures of the wealthy.
Oh, someone make me afraid of what Iíve become.
At the first sign of possible sorrow Iíll turn my heel and run.
Oh, Iíll never learn.
My lifeís become the sugar Iíve borrowed before, time and again and forgot to return.


This stanza really allows everything to be weaved together. He is carrying the same theme as the last stanza and talking about it in a later tense. The rhythm here is still really strong. It just doesnt seem to let up, or seemed forced one bit. I really do not want to write down what I take for what the meaning behind this is, because I am sure there a ton of different views and opinions you can take from it.

'My lifeís become the sugar Iíve borrowed before, time and again and forgot to return.' is again... something I have never heard before, and makes really good sense.


It was a matter of time, I always said I could see but now Iím going blind.
(I could be your servant)
It was a matter of time, I always said I could see but now Iím going blind.
(If I could be your servant)
It was a matter of time, I always said I could see but now Iím going blind.
(I could be your servant)
It was a matter of miserable time but I heard somewhere, there was a cure for useless eyes.
(If I could be your servant)


This is the second time he repeats the chorus, so it doesnt seem repetative to me at all. He changes up the lyrics to 'it was a matter of time, I always said I could see but now I'm going blind.' and that is just beautifully written. The way he talks about time, then how he could see, and now how he sees he is going blind. The last line he changes it up a bit and adds 'but i heard somewhere, there was a cure for useless eyes'. It just makes you think...

Overall, I think the thing that makes the song stand out is the imagery he uses... and how I have never heard very little of what he writes used before.

xKONRADx
09-21-2004, 09:24 PM
Artist: The Spill Canvas
Title: The Tide
MP3 Link: http://www.purevolume.com/thespillcanvas/music
Lesson Plan: Proper use of foreshadowing of events, and use of climax.

The Tide

And there's three, count 'em three children playing on the beach
They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach

Solid introduction to what is happening. He continues the first 'scene' in the first verse, note the part 'children playing' it changes throughout the song and acts as a progression toward the climax.

There's Veronica She's biting her lip
as she watches the waves turn white at the tip
And there's Vada Radiating with joy
and luckily she still can't stand the sight of a boy
And lastly there's Dade His hair dances in the wind
and he's wondering what love is And why it has to end

Excellent imagery allows the listener to vividly imagine the events, without any real effort. The terms he uses to describe the three children now play a great part when he reaches the climax, and really allow us to understand the meaning of the song.

And he can't understand
how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly... Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard
and live for the moment now

Again, pay attention to the exact word choices as they will give details into events once we get a little further.

And there's three, count 'em three children growing on the beach
They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach

Second 'scene' or time period. Opens the same as the first.

There's Veronica She's licking her lips
as she waits for her real, first passionate kiss
And there's Vada Can't admit her jealousy
of her sister Veronica, and how she's so pretty
Lastly there's Dade Still sitting on the dock
Ponders his life, and he skips his rocks
And he wonders when his father will return
but he's not coming back

Similar structure, but notice that the children's innocents is almost lost(they are thinking about 'adult' things.) good use of foreshadowing. Though no measure of time is mentioned the image of the children allows us to move forward in time. Some type of progression (in time/space/perspective) is needed for a climax.

And he can't understand
how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly...
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard

Now you know Dade's father left the family and this is probably why the mom's advice is 'Love is just a hoax.' But so far we have only been learning about them and getting involved with the characters. What will happen? Que the climax...

And there's three, count 'em three children missing from the beach
They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach

Third and final event....

But the sad thing
is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen
due to neglect from their mother
Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father
She didn't even notice, or pay much attention
as the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean
Now all her advice, it seems useless

Amazing symbolism here. I hope I'm not wrong about this but it seems their transition into the ocean is a representation of their transition out of childhood. Obviously they didn't pay attention to their mothers advice since it was 'love', or the pursuit of it, that swept them in(remember Veronica wants a passionate kiss, and Veda is jealous of her sister's good looks.)

No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard
and live for the moment now

Moral: maybe it's that being hurt by love doesn't warrant a fear of love, or that children are growing up too fast today. I never like to have one 'right' meaning to my songs so I won't guess his. But it was a pretty good story, right? Anyway if you have any comments or disputes with this please post in the community thread. PS I get to go see these guys thursday! woo!

axekincaid2190
09-23-2004, 10:26 PM
I love The tide, its an excellent song and I get the message

Permanent Solution
09-25-2004, 12:17 AM
Artist:Brand New
Title:Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades
Song Link: http://launch.yahoo.com/artist/default.asp?artistID=1098953 (go here and click on the video, it's all I could find haha)
Focus:Storytelling Elements, Imagery/Personification, Deceptive Foreshadowing

Keep the noise low, she doesn't wanna blow it.
Shake from head to toe while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat.
It beats me straight into the ground.

Notice the last two lines in particular, the heartbeat is personified when it is described as beating him into the ground. It is also very vivid as you think of a quickening heartbeat. Normally a quickened heart beat is from excitement or stress but either way is something you can relate to. Interestingly, if you listen to the prevalent bass near this line, you can almost hear a quickening heartbeat, be sure that your lyrics and words fit like that.

The first two lines are good because they describe the scene they are portraying with great detail by talking about the noise level and her actions.

You don't recover from a night like this.
Our victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to her zipper.
And a boy best in tourniquet sheets barely whispers,
"This is so messed up."

Note the diction used in this section "victim" and "tourniquet" add a lot of depth here and more importantly, vividly describe a scene not easily imagined (usually a woman is taken advantage of, not vice-a-versa). Once again, vivid diction used to describe the scene like "motionless," "whispers," and "dark." Basically this is vivid enough to see a picture of it in your head.

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life filled with lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low, he doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward and he starts growing up.

Unique phrasing here adds to the effectiveness of this section "a boy in a stitch" and "stomach turns." Note the parallelism in "head to toe," "the up and the down." The last line is a unique personification because the body is still an object and not the person, and so it cannot beckon him forward, though normally you personify objects not relating to humans at all. Obviously the wetness frequently mentioned in this section is sweat adding to the realism of the nervousness and depression he is feeling.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.

The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason that we're even, now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

The last line is the same in both section and when structuring a chorus like this that is a good thing because it ties them together nicely. Note in the second section the extended metaphor of tickled taste to choking me up. If you don't see what I am talking about post in the community thread and I will add more about it.

She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth, he's gasping for air.

Contrast here between their breaths in the last line is effective in emphasizing the differences of the two characters' experiences. More description leading up to it leads to a great image once again, hence, imagery is as simple as just describing something so vividly that the reader/listener can imagine it vividly. Have a friend read it, or crit here on mx to make sure your images are clear to someone besides yourself.

"This is the first and last time", he said.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.

A little bit more depth to both characters here, she fakes a smile but keeps on going, he has his hands down at his sides. I think the meaning there is self explanatory, unless you are 12. I found the last line humorous because the song describes exactly what it feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast
and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he touches is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.)
So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end and for the aching in his guts to subside.

First line, great imagery, strong contrast and makes him innocent as per previous descriptions, keeping consistent. "She's only looking for..." is rather deceptive foreshadowing because when you listen to it, you know the context and he starts the next word with an 's' leading you to believe he is going to say sex, but instead he moves on, implying it but leaving it open to interpretation. This is very effective as it is your own mind that generates this idea and leaves a lasting mark when you realize he doesn't say it.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.

They take all the taste out.
It used to be the reason that we're even,now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.

Note the shift here, where before this line was in the background vocals it is now in the primary vocals.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.

The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason that we're even, now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Sorry, this doesn't even begin to do this song justice, but it's a start...

EDIT: Redone with more accurate lyrics.

A_Perfect_Sonnet
09-25-2004, 11:11 AM
Artist: Bright Eyes
Title: Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
Lesson Plan: Using one-sided dialogue to create a conversation, descriptive imagery, story-telling elements.
Song Link: http://www.epitonic.com/artists/brighteyes.html


"Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh"

The phone slips from a loose grip
Words were missed then, some apology
I didnít want to tell you this
No, itís just some guy she's been hanging out with
I donít know, the past couple weeks I guess
Well, thank you and hang up the phone
Let the funeral start
Hear the casket close
Letís pin split-black ribbon to your overcoat
Well, laughter pours from under doors
In this house, I donít understand that sound no more
It seems artificial, like a T.V. set

--The first 2 lines in this song set you up for the conversation that follows. Conor Oberst continues this into his side of the conversation, leaving your mind to guess what the person he is talking to is asking him. I believe the funeral he is speaking of is his descent into depression. This is supported by the following 3 lines, when he says he doesn't understand the reasons why people are laughing, and that they seem fake to him.

Well, haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh
This weight it must be satisfied
You offer only one reply
You know not what you do
But you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed now
A lock of hair you said would prove
Our love would never die
Well ha ha ha

--Now haligh isn't a real word, but I think Conor put it in because it actually does flow really well with the song, its like gibberish that actually means something. I'm guessing that the 3rd and 4th lines have to do with an unfaithful lover, because of how he says she responded. Although I get the feeling this girl regrets what she did, because she is so stressed out that she tears her hair out. But the narrarator doesn't accept her apology, this is explained in the last 2 lines.

I remember everything
The words we spoke on freezing South Street
And all those mornings watching you get ready for school
You combed your hair inside that mirror
The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears
Something about those bright colors
would always make you feel better
But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say arenít meant for anyone
Itís just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance
But there was once you

--Here, Oberst talks about the past with the girl, and what their relationship became. I think this is one of the best stanzas in a song I've ever seen, because it's so descriptive and emotional. He goes into detail about the mirror, which I took as he saw this as a reflection of his past with the girl. The last 4 lines talk about what their relationship became, they barely speak anymore, and how they are both breaking down over their break up.

You said you hate my suffering
And you understood
And youíd take care of me
You'd always be there
Well where are you now?

--This must be how their relationship began, and he thought of this person as a nurturer, who then deserted him.

Haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh
The plans were never finalized
But left to hang like yarn and twine
Dangling before my eyes
As you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed now
A lock of hair you said would prove
Our love would never die

--He speaks of the plans they made that were never finished, just hanging like strings. But notice how he leaves out the " Well ha ha ha " on this chorus, that could have some signifigance as to how he is feeling now.

And I sing and sing of awful things
The pleasure that my sadness brings
As my fingers press onto the strings
In yet another clumsy chord
Haligh, haligh, an awful lie
This weight will now be satisfied
I'm gonna give you only one reply
I know not who I am

--He plays music to take his mind off this person, and singing about his sadness makes him feel better. I believe the last 2 lines are still coming from him, instead of the girl's excuse, is he doesn't know himself, and that's why it must have happened.

But I talk in the mirror
To the stranger that appears
Our conversations are circles
Always one sided
Nothing is clear

--This is in reflection to the first stanza, but first he talks about how his reflection is a person he doesn't know, which supports the last stanza. But when he talks about the one sided conversation, it reflects the first stanza, where you only see one side of his conversation and dont really know what's going on.

Except we keep coming back
To this meaning that I lack
He says the choices were given
Now you must live them
Or just not live
But do you want that?

--I'm guessing he occasionally he still speaks to this girl, because they keep going back to what his problem was. And I think the "he" Oberst refers to must be the other man... who says, if you cant take your choices, just kill yourself. Then Oberst asks the girl, if she would like that. But he never finishes the story, which leaves you to draw your own conclusion.

Now What Did We Learn?: Sometimes being unclear can help your listeners appreciate your music more, leaving them to draw their own conclusions to your stories.

Overall I'd give this song a 9/10. It flows excellently with the music included, and the lyrics are some of the best I've seen. This is most definately one of the best of Conor's songs.

Kaolla Su
10-04-2004, 04:39 PM
Thats really good A_Perfect_Sonnet :thumb: (Im such a dork >.>)

I havnt writen any poetry latley...I need to start writing! :amaze:

pixiesfanyo
10-04-2004, 05:25 PM
Artist:Circle Takes the Square
Title:Crow Quill
Song Link: http://www.myspace.com/circletakesthesquare
Focus: Unstructed songwriting, The use of meter with out rhymes

Nothing's so lucid as the promise of dreams, but these pills we found just make me sleep.
There's nothing quite so pure as the written word my dear, so lets have ourselves a little poem.
Until the will to speak loses urgency.
Our animal indecency in print is so blase.
Its about the bell tower, at the golden hour.
Angel of the spires climbs here steel cage staircase spine, angle of desire.
Ascend the wrought iron, one by one, wrung by wrung.
Is it the rising roof line that makes me feel so swallowed whole,
or the way my body barely pricks the sky,
the same as a century's worth of virgin's blood that's passed through my longing veins,
scheming to convince my aching mind that pleasure's got nothing on the miracle of need.
Nothing's so puerile as meter and rhyme when you can't see the ground from that ledge and this perch is so far, far from the nest.
Gravity doesn't grant me the privilege of failure my bough never breaks
I don't stumble into anything
so I climb and I carve my initials in the bark with that feather I found but its all so contrived.
My genes didn't bless me with the foresight of a sage but I know how this will end, in apologies and ink on the page.
A slowly constructed crow quilled confession of my spirit to all of you,
black waterproof ink scars the board, so hot-pressed, pristine and pure.
A slowly constructed manifestation of "to tremble",
as base as a bridge in a song and less like the poem that I promised you.
Nothing's so lurid as haiku-detat on sidewalks in white outlined chalk,
all I've got is this ink smeared lines.
With our voices in harmony, the offering, of a crow quilled threnody.


Through out this song we can see the intense emotion that CTTS reflects. With great metaphors involving angels and medieval imagery we are cast into a seperate world. The main lesson of this piece is the use of unstructured poetry, throughout the song you can this able to be written this way because it is basically a scream feast. But many other bands use a similar style and exclude choruses. Also CTTS seperates itself from many hardcore bands because they write in a more emofied fashion thus making their songs much more emotional and easier to relate to. Overall this is an excellent song that shows rhyming and structure are over-rated and just as much emotion can be drawn from a endless rant. PS. I'm Awesome

Permanent Solution
10-14-2004, 09:40 PM
Artist: Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution
Song: Here's to Life
Song Link: http://skachilles.com/music/botar/ (d/l the whole CD, it is everything they have ever put out!)
Focus: Allusion, flow

Ok, I felt inclined to give some background on this song, this is Thomas' tribute song to his favorite writers and biggest inspirations in writing his music. BOTAR is a fourteen piece band with instruments ranging from drums and guitar to French horn and strings. Official site (http://www.acousticbandits.com/) . Check it out and you will understand why this band is so awesome.


How did Camus really die that night?
Were they right? When he died was it really his time?
Or was it suicide?
And Holden Caulfield is a friend of mine.
We go drinking from time to time and I find it gets harder every time.


Ok, this lesson is about using allusion effectively, so Camus was a famous author from the early 20th century and Holden Caulfield is from Catcher in the Rye. Holden is a character who heavily drinks, hence the next line, which goes wonderfully if you have read the book. Also note the flow Thomas establishes with his intermitent rhyming. There is also foreshadowing in line 3, since this song is about suicide.


Three went down (But only two of them come up again)
The minimal is criminal but less is a sin
Three went down (But only two of them come up again)
Iím not going to play if there ainít no way Iíll win


That second line has great flow because of the rhyme structuring. I am unsure as to the significance of the lines 1 and 3 for sure, but it probably has something to do with suicide and post-mortem publishing IMO.


Hemingway never seemed to mind the banality of a normal life
and I find it gets harder every time.
So he aimed the shotgun into the blue,
placed his face in between the two and sighed: Hereís to Life!

Three went down (But only two of them come up again)
The minimal is criminal but less is a sin
Three went down (But only two of them come up again)
Iím not going to play if there ainít no way Iíll win

Hey there Salinger, what did you do? Just when the world was looking to you
to write anything that meant anything, you told us you were through.
And itís been years since you passed away, but I see no plaque, and I see no grave
and I canít help believing that you wanted it that way.

And Vincent Van Gogh, why do you weep?
You were on your way to heaven but the road was steep.
And who was there to break your fall? Weíre guilty, one and all.

And I donít know much, but I do know this:with a golden heart comes a rebel fist
and every single soldier wasnít fired, some have quit.

And it makes me sick when I think of it: all my heroes could not live with this
and I hope you rest in peace because with us you never did.
And you were much too young and you changed my life
but I draw the line at suicide, so hereís to life!

Syncope
11-04-2004, 07:48 PM
I am tearing.

BMM
11-10-2004, 09:35 PM
Artist: The Postal Service
Song: Such Great Heights
Song Link: Buy the CD
Focus: WOW

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

(I believe what ben is trying to say is that when his lover is away he misses her so much that all he thinks about is how they were made for each other and are perfect for each other)

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

(Ben may be saying that when they are together nothing else matters and them togeher is all that really matters)

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

(This song is nothing short of amazing. there is no band like the Postal Service)

metaliq
11-19-2004, 04:31 PM
Artist: MewithoutYou
Title: Son of a Widow
MP3 Link: http://www.mewithoutyou.com/ ... no mp3, so buy the cd
Focus:


I'll ring your doorbell
Until you let me in
And I can no longer tell
Where 'you' end and 'I' begin



Grape on the vine
We've been alone a long time
Grape on the vine
Why not be crushed to make wine?



Pay no attention to me
Dancing with my girl
We have every intention to be
Failures in this world



Grape on the vine
We've been alone a long time
Grape on the vine
Why not be crushed to make wine?

Six of my closest friends
Will dig up the ground
All my accomplishments
Gently lowered down



Grape on the vine
We've been alone a long time
Grape on the vine
Why not be crushed to make wine?

(All is the same to the souls of those so much resigned)

The son of the widow
You raised from the dead
Where did his soul go
When he died again?

theredwonder
11-23-2004, 10:48 AM
well i wasnt going to post this as it isnt a review, but im just commenting on something A_Perfect_Sonnet said about 'Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh'.

i took these stanzas -

But I talk in the mirror
To the stranger that appears
Our conversations are circles
Always one sided
Nothing is clear

Except we keep coming back
To this meaning that I lack
He says the choices were given
Now you must live them
Or just not live
But do you want that?

as a continuation of what hes saying with i know not who i am. i believe he really means he talks to himself in the mirror, addressing his internal conflicts about the situation. his references to the conservation going in circles and the being one sided also hint at this, showing that there is only really one person there to argue.

sorry, just bugged me. :smoke:

maybe i'll post some review here sometime. sorry for effectively spamming, but i thought it was a valid point.

BMM
11-25-2004, 10:04 PM
i believe you are correct

Blinkfever
11-28-2004, 08:28 PM
I have been an avid Song writer for almost 7 years now. My psychologist found it to be a great way to express my inner feelings while in the depression of my parents divorce but i kept with it through the years. Basically the point im gettign at is, i want to post a few of my songs for you guys to critique, but im worried about Plagerism. Just because the rules say so, how do i know another is not going to go and get rich off of my stuff?

~The Lost Rob~

PS- I apologize for any typos

A_Perfect_Sonnet
11-28-2004, 08:31 PM
this was the wrong thread to post in, but ill help you out

ive posted over 70 songs on this forum, and to my knowledge nothing ive written has been stolen. you just should put your name and the date you post the song in the thread, so if you see something thats your work, you have a case

A_Perfect_Sonnet
11-30-2004, 01:23 PM
holy hell, dont post here again or ill rip your head off and shit down your throat

bassaholica2004
12-06-2004, 10:55 PM
Aww man, I've been waiting for one of these on this forum for about 2 years now. I think this is a very good idea. Anyone go to Songmeanings.net? Thats my favorite site for stuff like this. Anyway, the review.


Artist: Dream Theater
Song: A Change of Seasons
Focus: Metaphors, Writing Style


I. The Crimson Sunrise

[instrumental]

II. Innocence

I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
Watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow

Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more

To me, this is about birth, and the exitement and new things to learn and discover in early childhood.

But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
Into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
And my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
With the last of my might

In my den of inequity
Viciousness and subtlety
Struggle to ease the pain
Struggle to find the same

Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near...

Now its a person, probably the author, looking back on his/her life. I think he/she is in old age and dying, and is reflecting back on his/her life.

III. Carpe Diem

"Carpe diem,
Seize the day"

I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
"Seize the Day"
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

Pretty obvious. Live your life to the fullest. Don't waste your life, even if it is cold out, or really hot for that matter. Don't let anything get in your way.

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there might not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned

Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, "I Love You...Good-bye"

Now its getting to a tricky part. Literally, it works as maybe a love in his life. However, I think this song is a bit deeper than that. I think it is about either his childhood or teen years, and transcending to adulthood. He doesn't want to grow, yet he knows he must.

IV. The Darkest of Winters

[instrumental]

V. Another World

So far or so it seems
All is lost
With nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and the
T.V. screen
Another world
Where nothing's true

Tripping through
The life fantastic
Lose a step
And never get up
Left alone
With a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up

I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why

Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what
Don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see

Now the meat of the song. This slow, sad piece is kinda difficult to pinpoint. I think of it as maybe depression; he is looking back on his life either in old age, or maybe he failed at a career, and is now jobless. He took everything in his life for granted, and now that he has lost it all, he realizes just how difficult life can be.

I'm sick of all
Your hypocrites
Holding me at bay
And I don't need
Your sympathy
To get me through the day

Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy
No time to cry
Untie these strings
I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away

Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what
Don't let him be
Let's feed upon
His misery
Now it's time for them
To deal with me

Pulling out of the depression and into anger. He wants to do something, to Change with the Seasons. He can adapt, and he will. No time for crying or feeling sorry for yourself; life doesn't heal itself.

VI. The Inevitable Summer

[instrumental]

VII. The Crimson Sunset

I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
Run though my head
They taught me how
For better or worse
Alive or dead
I realize
There's no turning back
Life goes on
The offbeaten track

I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He's my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
"Seize the day
And don't you cry
Now it's time
To say good-bye
Even though
I'll be gone
I will live on
Live on"

Finally the end. This is him, talking with his son, and teaching him. He knows he won't be alive forever, and knows his son will have to live with his death. He tells his son, though, that he will always be with him, and never to give up. A very touching moment. :)
At the end of the song, the acoustic guitar plays the intro, cutting short, symbolizing his death.

jurialmunkey
12-07-2004, 04:02 PM
I have been an avid Song writer for almost 7 years now. My psychologist found it to be a great way to express my inner feelings while in the depression of my parents divorce but i kept with it through the years. Basically the point im gettign at is, i want to post a few of my songs for you guys to critique, but im worried about Plagerism. Just because the rules say so, how do i know another is not going to go and get rich off of my stuff?

~The Lost Rob~


Its called copyright!!! As soon as you commit something to a material form (Recording, Paper, Video etc...) You own the copyright and therefore if someone uses your work then you are entilted to a royalty... You own the copyright 70years after you die so don't be worried... all you need is evidence that you wrote it.... ie. Posts in this forum are automatically dated and therefore there is your evidence because it will be under your user name.

If you really think you are such a hotshot that someone is going to rip off your work then I think you should re-assess your thinking.... talent is easy to come by, people don't need to rip your work off. If they do, then I doubt they will get rich off it anyway because they are probably too stupid too do anything with it.

And if someone does get rich off your stuff, then that means you get rich too because you own the copyright and therefore will be able to take them to court if you don't get credited and royalties paid to you, and it should be relatively easy to prove and therefore you will be able to sue them not only for your entilted royalty but also for defamation and damages.

Have you heard of ASCAP, APRA, AMCOS etc.... they are royalty collection societies set up by various governments to collect royalties and distribute them...

Sorry for posting this here, but I'm sick of people asking this and it needed to be clarified.

flywithdiamonds
12-24-2004, 07:52 AM
Actually that's wrong Jurialmonkey. There is no way to track the date of when something was recorded/written if it was done at home, even posting here would not stand up in any court as the admins have the ability to modify the dates. The best way to copyright something is the postal service. Buy a load of stamps and envelopes mail all your pieces to yourself with the song name on the front so you know which is which and leave them unopened. If someone does steal something of yours then you can use that as proof of when it was written, I personally think it is very unnecessary.

A_Perfect_Sonnet
12-24-2004, 07:30 PM
<-with keen eyes, notices jurials post was almost 20 days ago

jurialmunkey
01-06-2005, 02:59 AM
Actually that's wrong Jurialmonkey. There is no way to track the date of when something was recorded/written if it was done at home, even posting here would not stand up in any court as the admins have the ability to modify the dates. The best way to copyright something is the postal service. Buy a load of stamps and envelopes mail all your pieces to yourself with the song name on the front so you know which is which and leave them unopened. If someone does steal something of yours then you can use that as proof of when it was written, I personally think it is very unnecessary.

1. It's completely unnessicary and ridiculus. You would have to do that for every single change and draft and whatever for it to be effective. It was the first thing we discussed in my Music Business Copyright class and we were advised NOT TO DO IT because it would be a waste of our time and money.

2. FACT: As soon as you write/record something in a material form. It is copyrighted. Period.

3. There is something that very easily proves you wrote a piece. It's called your drafts and notes. Its also your knowledge about the piece and what it means. A person who didn't write it wouldn't be able to explain all the ins and outs and metaphors and personal meanings etc. like you would.

4. Dates are very easy to contest in court under the grounds of forgery and therefore the post system isn't really the best idea in comparison to keeping your drafts and having knowledge of your piece and having witnesses who have heard the song through its conception. Do you know how easy it is to change the date on a postal stamp... and how often are they even intelligible in the first place? Half the time they are faded or smudged or non-existant and they probably will fade and smudge overtime as well.

5. There have been copyright cases where it has been debated whether or not a work infringes on another works copyright but I don't think there are any cases where someone has debated who wrote a piece. I challenge you to prove me wrong because I am geniunely interested.

6. A further note on the "postal service thing". You are more likely to have you office/place of work/where you store your songs broken into or burnt down etc etc and the enevelopes getting damaged than you are in someone trying to contest that you actually wrote the piece.

megalo_bass_player
01-07-2005, 04:56 AM
something about you

Who are you, Ö. Who Are you
I donít know who you are but you where there from the start
I saw you there there was something about you
Your hair was Curly and your eye did shine.


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.


I sat there when you came by
You didn't listen 2 what i had 2 say


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.

(instrumental bridge)

You just ran away
And you left me there 2 say
**** ****


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.

michelzz (netherlands)

megalo_bass_player
01-07-2005, 04:59 AM
Look behind your back once
look around the corner once
watch for all the things you can't see
ESPECIALLY WATCH FOR ME!

You can't take me
you can't make me
create your own fantasy
but watch you back for me
I am a mystery
you'd better run for me
I call it faster the chase
to save the human race!

(michelzz netherlands)

megalo_bass_player
01-07-2005, 05:01 AM
think of the people, you're never alone
think of the thoughts that were turned into stone
know all the answers of questions we ask
be like the soldier who wores out his task!

(michelzz netherlands)

flywithdiamonds
01-07-2005, 10:26 AM
1. It's completely unnessicary and ridiculus. You would have to do that for every single change and draft and whatever for it to be effective. It was the first thing we discussed in my Music Business Copyright class and we were advised NOT TO DO IT because it would be a waste of our time and money.

2. FACT: As soon as you write/record something in a material form. It is copyrighted. Period.

3. There is something that very easily proves you wrote a piece. It's called your drafts and notes. Its also your knowledge about the piece and what it means. A person who didn't write it wouldn't be able to explain all the ins and outs and metaphors and personal meanings etc. like you would.

4. Dates are very easy to contest in court under the grounds of forgery and therefore the post system isn't really the best idea in comparison to keeping your drafts and having knowledge of your piece and having witnesses who have heard the song through its conception. Do you know how easy it is to change the date on a postal stamp... and how often are they even intelligible in the first place? Half the time they are faded or smudged or non-existant and they probably will fade and smudge overtime as well.

5. There have been copyright cases where it has been debated whether or not a work infringes on another works copyright but I don't think there are any cases where someone has debated who wrote a piece. I challenge you to prove me wrong because I am geniunely interested.

6. A further note on the "postal service thing". You are more likely to have you office/place of work/where you store your songs broken into or burnt down etc etc and the enevelopes getting damaged than you are in someone trying to contest that you actually wrote the piece.

Sorry JurialMonkey but you seem very confused about the actual meaning of copyrighting something. The method you mentioned would not stand up in court which is the idea of copyrighting something (so you have proof it's yours in a court of law if it is stolen or plaguarised). Something is only copyrighted when it is officially dated, do some research on the topic and you will find I am right.

I doubt very much there have been any instances of plaguarism on this forum but seeing as someone asked and you gave incorrect information I felt it should be corrected. The postal service example was merly the cheapest example of how to copyright something there are obviously plenty of other more official methods. Don't take it so badly when someone corrects you, these forums are for people to help each other.

toomuchhorrorbusiness
01-17-2005, 09:36 PM
what if you emailed it to yourself? would that be copyrighted?

Fading_star
01-18-2005, 05:18 AM
No it wouldn't, but as said above at this level there's no need to copyright lyrics.

Fading_star
01-18-2005, 06:08 PM
Oh stop your whining you're doing exactly the same thing with your post, someone just wanted to know something it's no big deal.

Fading_star
01-19-2005, 02:57 AM
I thought you wanted less spam in this thread and now you're putting in threats to beat me up? How old are you 12?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
01-19-2005, 02:44 PM
Konrad created the thread with the specific idea of not having idiots like hrm.... YOU, posting in it.

Now leave, or crawl back up into the inbred b!tch that gave birth to you.

maggotfelon
01-20-2005, 01:02 PM
"Now leave, or crawl back up into the inbred b!tch that gave birth to you."

I know this post is pointless and you can suck my nuts but that inbred sh.it was fvcking hilarious.

xKONRADx
01-20-2005, 01:27 PM
Artist: Tool
Song/Album: Eulogy/Aenima
Point of Review: To show that imagery is not always the basis of originality, and that structure (flow, rhyming) is only relative.



He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We'll miss him.

So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren't afraid to die.
Well then, so long.
Don't cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud.
We'll miss him.
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart.
We'll miss him.


the imagery and story line already show that they are quite original. the imagery isnt too vivid, but it isnt completely dull either. alot of this is helped by the way it is performed. notice that there is no set rhyming structure, but it works (if you haven't heard the song its alot harder to see)


No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.

So loud.
You sure could yell.

You took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice so strong and loud and I
Swallowed his facade cuz I'm so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground,
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, with
Someone who would die for me.

This is just amazing. the message is completely original, to me it brings images of hitler taking the podium in nazi germany. after thinking about the lyrics it can be applied to many situations

Will you? Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don't you f**kin lie.

Don't you step out of line.
Don't you f**kin lie.

You've claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised to hear your own eulogy?

You had alot to say.
You had alot of nothing to say.

Come down.
Get off your f**kin cross.
We need the f**kin space to nail the next fool martyr.

To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For your sins and your lies. [sic]
Goodbye...

though he still does not come up with any amazing imagery the lines die for me/eulogy are excellent. when he brings up imagery of the the cross and martyrism, its easy to assume he is talking about Jesus the whole time. i dont think this is true because of the earlier lines "everything but his heart" and "he had a voice so strong and so loud". The basic point of this review is to show that an excellent song, with a deeper meaning, can be pulled off without the use of imagery that is too abstract.

BabyKiller
01-20-2005, 02:25 PM
I don't know if this is still going on, now that the Community thread is gone, but I'll submit it anyways.


Writer: Lamb of God
Title of piece/Album: One Gun/Ashes of the Wake
The specific focus of review: How the singer uses metaphors to establish a visionary of different things; i.e. government, war, death because of war and the costs of war and how petty and unnecessary war is.

The eyes of the patriot fixed through the scope
The unknowing tyrant walks to the rope

This short part shows how quick to the draw most governments are to declare war on another country. The slightest little nudge can send them into a war that started over something puerile and exorbitant. It states how a easily a government figure (maybe a King or President in any case) can be talked into going to war, thus the "The unknowing tyrant walks to the rope" part of the song comes to play.

Its when murder is justice that martyrs are made
A one-gun salute for the new independence day
They'll hallow your name
They'll hallow your name for your sacrifice
The sins of deliverance

This is a great part, IMO. This is visualizing all the many reasons why war would be concidered justice. He's stressing the point that war is blatant murder and it's being passed off as "justice". The reference to martyrs being made is an example of how soldiers will go and fight for their "cause" and will defend their country no matter what it takes. Even if it means dieing. "They'll hallow your name for your sacrifice" means, IMO, that the soldiers go into war believing they'll be heroes, but in the end they come back with gratitude from their country, but are still murderers in the end.

"So let the wicked perish in the presence of God"

This is a reference to the Bible (if you didn't know). IMO, the writer wrote this to signify that most wars are holy wars and/or political wars fought in the name of their "God" and, involuntarily, in the presence of that "God". The "holy warriors" are being slain for being hostile in their homeland. Which makes them wicked. Thus, the basis of the reference. "The wicked perish in the presence of God," or "our soldiers will do what we say because we tell them it's 'just' and 'right' ".

The sins of the father atoned by the son

This line of this song, IMO, has a few different meanings.

The first meaning could be about the soldier who died at war fighting for his country and his son (or daughter) being left to live his/her life without his/her father and knowing that he died to "keep him/her safe."

The second meaning could be, a son-who was rebellious, but was raised to be a soldier to protect his country-realizing that his father killed so many people for so many wrong reasons. He's coming to terms that, in his eyes, his father is a murderer and is trying to cope with that fact.

The last reason I could think of, could be a reference to Jesus Christ (the Bible again). God realized that man was losing a never ending war against sin and had no atonement for their souls once they deceased. So, God, in turn, sent his only "son" to Earth to be born a human, to live a life without sin, and to spread the word to as many as possible, and then to die for the sins of mankind. This would signify Jesus being sent to fix the mistakes that God made in the beginning of mankind. Thus, "the sins of the father atoned by the son," would signify Jesus fixing God's f**k ups.

Confessions of commitment broken
A nail driven for every one (of them)

This could also be a reference to Jesus Christ being crucified for mankind's sins. It quotes in the Bible that everytime you sin, it's like another nail is being driven into Christ, metaphorically speaking and that's roughly quoted. So, it's saying that everything that's being pushed upon as just and in reality is not, is making it harder, in the end, upon ourselves to live with the decisions we made and to accept just punishment for them.

Its when murder is justice that martyrs are made
A one-gun salute for the new independence day
They'll hallow your name
They'll hallow your name for your sacrifice

(Same as above for these)

You are the cause, I am the effect
Created in hatred, a noose for your neck

This first line could symbolize the cause and effect of war. "I" being any range of things: poverty, death, or lose of morality; and "You" being things like: holy reasons, greed, power, hatred, or natural resources.

The second line could symbolize how war starts off for the good-like any war usually does-and ends up "choking" all parties and pushing them further into the immoral category. Eventually being driven into hatred or the lust for power over a wider mass of lives or land.

The eyes of the patriot fixed through the scope
The unknowing tyrant walks to the rope
They'll hallow your name

anythingsublime
01-20-2005, 05:38 PM
[QUOTE=A_Perfect_Sonnet]Artist: Bright Eyes
Title: Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
Lesson Plan: Using one-sided dialogue to create a conversation, descriptive imagery, story-telling elements.
Song Link: http://www.epitonic.com/artists/brighteyes.html

I love the song Halight, Haligh, A lie By bright eyes but the song always had a slightly different meaning for me.

anythingsublime
01-20-2005, 05:59 PM
But I talk in the mirror
To the stranger that appears.
Our conversations are circles
Always one sided, nothing is clear.
Except we keep coming back
To this meaning that I lack.
He says the choices were given
And now, you must live them
Or just not live,
But do you want that?
I always thought this is how he feels like he doesnt know himself anymore and how he always comes back to where he started from when hes trying to figure out what went wrong. about those choices, im not exactly sure what he means but I think maybe hes blaming himself for what happened and is saying hes got to live with them or maybe kill himself, but is that what he really wants.
ok I tried my best this is always what I thought this meant. songs are like stories arent they? if you listen closely and try and understand you can almost picture what happened and feel what this person is feeling.
by the noob

dhartley34
04-08-2005, 03:18 PM
Here is a song by my band, This Is Not A Test.

Long Distance Marathon

(inspired by Marathon by Rush and The Lonliness of the Long Distance Runner by Iron Maiden)



He Stepped outside that fateful day, he knelt down and started to pray. He jogged around the starting line, he was healthy, he was fine.

CHORUS-
The wind whipped through his hair, his lonliness was a scare. He was running, he was running, he was running the long distance marathon.
(Instrumental Break)
The captain fired the gun, he knew this wouldn't be fun. They all started jogging, the air started fogging. It wasn't loud, there was no crowd, they were waitin' at the finish line.

Repeat Chorus
Instrumental Break
He broke into a run, he felt like he weighed a ton. He was close to the finish, his will never seemed to diminish. He was the one, the race was one.

Chorus
Guitar Solo
Chorus and fade out.


What do you think?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
04-08-2005, 03:51 PM
I think you're a fag that posted on the wrong thread. Go away.

Punk_*_Rocker
04-12-2005, 03:25 PM
Band: Stereotyped
Song: system Crash
Mp3 source: none we havn't recorded it yet

ok here goes guys this my second newest song i have wrote.....

Drag me down-----
Donít help my up
Take me round---
Before itís time to leave

(Repeats again but with punk riffs backing vocals repeat the first and 3rd lines in every verse)

(Chorus)
Sometimes I feel so alone
I close the door coz thereís no one home
Sometimes I feel so broken
Speak a thousand words yet I feel unspoken

Addictions and bad habits
Place my bets now
Addictions and bad habits
So whatís new?
Addictions and bad habits
Place my bets now
Addictions and bad habits
So whatís new?
(Chorus)
Sometimes I feel so alone
I close the door coz thereís no one home
Sometimes I feel so broken
Speak a thousand words yet I feel unspoken

Sometimes I feel so at home
Thereís no one here but Iím not alone
I tell a lie yet my lips are unspoken
System crash system crash (silence) Iím broken


(Chorus)
Sometimes I feel so alone
I close the door coz thereís no one home
Sometimes I feel so broken
Speak a thousand words yet I feel unspoken

(kicks in)(Chorus)
Sometimes I feel so alone
I close the door coz thereís no one home
Sometimes I feel so broken
Speak a thousand words yet I feel unspoken

THIS IS NOT AN EMO SONG!!!!

A_Perfect_Sonnet
04-12-2005, 03:39 PM
You are supposed to crit a song already made by a well established artist, and point out the strengths they have in their writing, not your own garbage songs.

Punk_*_Rocker
04-13-2005, 09:30 AM
well sorry a perfect sonnet jeeez chill...

Corupt2057
04-18-2005, 11:00 AM
This article will clear up all the he says she says
http://www.promusicforum.com/articles/copyrights.html

2. FACT: As soon as you write/record something in a material form. It is copyrighted. Period.

flywithdiamonds this statement above is true and backed in the article in the link above

ltjpezking117
05-04-2005, 02:10 PM
Artist: Thursday
Title:Porcelain

City of blue tile.
Figure in Ceramics.
Where we reach out.
Grab for Porcelain.

But it's too fragile to hold.
And it shatters in our hands.
In time the seasons will seal these shards.
Into the slits that denote your wrists.

Death is the answer.
To calculations composed of motions that are the same.
And secret and different
A missing alphabet with a message for us.

When people die.
(DIE,DIE!)
They take a piece of us with them.
(PEOPLE DIE AND DIE!)
And holes in clouds are minutes passing.
(DIE AND DIE!)
Rescind this line and sever all ties.
(PEOPLE DIE AND DIE EVERYDAY!)
The skyline unfolds into explanation.

But sometimes words give up,
And silently walk off the edge of the page.
And here the cry opens up reveals the word inside.
The crack in the porcelain.

The silent line of sky-lit eyes show,
Show Deaths up there shine more brightly than lives down here.
Try and live.

The following is based solely on my opinion:
This song is about suicide, and how life is precious. They also express the fact that people who commit suicide hurt the ones that knew and loved them. Then again people who commit suicide don't think about anyone else but themself which makes suicide the most selfish act anyone could possibly do.

*This has to be one of their best songs. I love how they express their lyrics in metaphors. It causes you to have to think to decipher the lyrics and it allows room for you to add your own meaning to the song. That's the main reason they have quickly become one of my favorite bands.*

cisco
05-04-2005, 11:01 PM
I made a song, you mid giving some opinions. I'll try to give a jist so it's be easy to fathom the beat. It's not punckinsh it has a vertical horizon feel to it... any way, here it is.

Title: Rose Thorns.

you need to have a clueÖ
There is something you need to doÖ
Better move before your dream never comes trueÖ
They say she is too good, you donít have the chanceÖ
Dude, you got allot to proveÖ
So, she is all popularÖ she turns the heads she turned you downÖ
Let them say, what the say,
Because you are still in the game and itís the new roundÖ

Thatís itÖ
you have to do whatever you can
Thatís itÖ
Youíre going to show that you are her manÖ
No matter what they say, where she is
Youíll get next to her, youíll kiss her lips, hold her handÖ

Thatís itÖ
Sheís not going to brake your heart againÖ
This time youíre going to win/
No matter what, donít you stop/
No matter what class sheís in
Itís had enoughÖ you need love
Ö thatís it.

SheíllÖ neverÖ KnowÖ/
Sheíll never guess the idea if you donít show/
How will you prove that you're the perfect match/
what's the use of filling your head with questions
why don't you answer them all and give it a rest/

Ed592
05-08-2005, 03:48 PM
something about you

Who are you, Ö. Who Are you
I donít know who you are but you where there from the start
I saw you there there was something about you
Your hair was Curly and your eye did shine.


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.


I sat there when you came by
You didn't listen 2 what i had 2 say


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.

(instrumental bridge)

You just ran away
And you left me there 2 say
**** ****


Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you
Something about You !
I dont know who you are but i remember where you were.
There was something about you.

michelzz (netherlands)

i wrote these lyrics and posted them and some ****er ripped me off

A_Perfect_Sonnet
05-09-2005, 01:44 PM
i wrote these lyrics and posted them and some ****er ripped me off

If I were you I wouldn't want credit for those...

xKONRADx
05-09-2005, 09:27 PM
i hope you all die a slow and lonely death for ruining the one good contribution i made to this forum. thanks alot bitches.

A_Perfect_Sonnet
05-10-2005, 04:55 PM
Except me Konny? :)

xKONRADx
05-10-2005, 05:57 PM
Except me Konny? :)
of course

ltjpezking117
05-11-2005, 11:59 AM
I wrote some lyrics or a poem or something I don't know I would really appreciate some feedback on it. It's about one of my Ex-girlfriends. She is a compulsive liar and really good at it.......... The last verse of whatever is to her from me and the rest is from her point of view.


Itís not the first time Iíve felt this way
Eyes glued to the back of my brain
I turn to face it but meet darkness instead
The veil I use to keep you out of my head
This is something that needs to be done
I canít live without lying for fun

You donít know me but you think you do
I led you to think that I want you too
I only need pain that I put you through
I canít face the fact that Iím not like you
Another fight another chance to compete
Hatredís all I need just to feel complete

How can I know who I really am
I paint my face so it starts as a scam
I never knew truth so Iíll only tell lies
Stinging your ears when I master these cries
It starts as something small as a thought
I put you down with every lie that I shot

You stole my eyes when I gave you my heart
Your fabrication finally tore us apart
Itís time now for these wounds to heal
I found something thatís reciprocally real
From my mistakes I will always learn
But one of them you can never return

Nightvision
05-11-2005, 12:20 PM
can't a mod clean this shite up?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
05-11-2005, 08:06 PM
I can't believe no one understands the point of this thread, the instructions were pretty clear, jackasses.

silent_screamer
05-11-2005, 09:04 PM
This thread is dedicated to the review and analyzation of published and/or otherwise professional poetry and/or lyrics.

From here out the terms song and poem, or any variations there of, are synonymous.

How this works:
1. Songs will be posted and reviewed by members of the S&L forum. (this means that you should have been hanging out around here for about two weeks or more and be involved in the community. Also, if you are new to songwriting or poetry wait until you get good reviews on your work consistantly!)
2. The review will be focused on a spesific aspect of songwriting.
3. Any questions/arguments or any general talk about the review and/or song will be held in the community thread as not to clutter this one. (this will make it easier to find the newest song)
4. As soon as a song is posted, a different member may post a 'save' spot. After two days they may edit in their song and review. In the 'save' post they may list the song they intend to review.

Rules:
1. Credit must be given to all appropraite sources.
2. No spamming or posting other than reviews or 'save' spots. (discussion can be held in the community thread)
3. New songs can only be posted two days (48hrs) after the last posted song. There may be no 'save' posts made by a member after they reveiw a song. They may however wait for the two day deadline to pass and if no other member has saved a spot by this time they may post a song.
4. If anyone fails to enter a song into their 'saved' spot within two days after they are allowed to, anyone may post a song in their place.
5. Reveiws should follow the standard format

Format for reviews:
Writer(or band if applicable)
Title of piece
(link to any legal audio clips if you have one)
The specific focus of review (ie to show good imagery, to show relavance)

The song itself (this should be in italics)

The review. (some people like to crit after each verse or stanza and this is also acceptable, but remember to make only the song italics)


Within the next week or two this rules and standards post will be updated as needed, so make sure to check back for changes to the rules before posting a new song. Also any suggestions toward the rules for this thread are welcome in the community thread. Thanks. :thumb:




hey i'm confused about this whole "save" spot thing. i'm new so can someone please explain, these rules to the rookie?

ang-i

A_Perfect_Sonnet
05-12-2005, 03:13 PM
You don't actually have to save a spot, just if you're not going to do the critique of the song right away you need to save your spot. Although it doesn't really matter. Just look at some of those actual critiques for guidlines.

SoberTill2
05-16-2005, 07:13 PM
hi this might be the wrong thread and i didnt fully read all the post,any ways i gotta do this presentation on poetry for school. i gotta pick a poet and two of his poems, break'em down to show the rhyme scheme, imagery, and so on and so forth. but im kinda new to all this poetry stuff so i had a few questions i was wondering if u guys could help me with. sorry if this all sounds stupid, but im stupid guy. would bob dylan lyrics be considered poetry? if so, could some one help me identify the stuff i listed above for "all along the watchtower" and "house of the rising sun". thnx

xKONRADx
05-18-2005, 11:55 PM
hi this might be the wrong thread and i didnt fully read all the post,any ways i gotta do this presentation on poetry for school. i gotta pick a poet and two of his poems, break'em down to show the rhyme scheme, imagery, and so on and so forth. but im kinda new to all this poetry stuff so i had a few questions i was wondering if u guys could help me with. sorry if this all sounds stupid, but im stupid guy. would bob dylan lyrics be considered poetry? if so, could some one help me identify the stuff i listed above for "all along the watchtower" and "house of the rising sun". thnx

FIRST - yes song lyrics can easily be considered poetry, but your teacher might be anal about it so ask him.

SECOND - this should have gone in the community thread or tips/questions thread, not here.

THIRD - do your own **** homework.

thanks,
-matt

Guitarskatr32
05-20-2005, 08:40 PM
hey everyone good posts and things, im an emo writer kind of, i have a bunch of words and put them to verses, but i have a problem on the music part. I cant think of timing or how long to stay on one chord

oasisdream
06-04-2005, 12:24 PM
song title here we go now

artist illston bourn

place of birth liverpool,england

website of lyric writer mr aj illston http://journals.aol.co.uk/andyillsto/sadsong/



Here we go now[I]


We where crazy back in the good old days
never wanted to dance with the devil of old
Flying so high as a helicopter
Dancing in the sky again

Back to the class room playing with are toys
Know future for the text book kid
Well I will tell you what
If you can see me now

Here we go now
Changing the record to a different beat
Here we go now
Donít do what they tell us to do
Here we go now
Looking into the eye of the things we want

Living and dreaming in the fields of youth
Never got us down
Playing with are toy guns
Never seemed to here the blue nights sky
Thatís all down to missed youth on your brain
So here we go now
Changing the record to a different beat
Here we go now
Donít do what they tell us to do
Here we go now
Looking into the eye of the things we want

Poor old Tommie tiger
Found a better way
He got sent down for a thousand years
He didnít even meet the queen
Here we go now
So they said.

Copyright
2005-06-02
Andrew Illston

machinegunfunk
06-08-2005, 11:04 PM
Here come the horsemen
The clock has struck twelve
Say your prayers; amen
Cause weíre all going to hell

The sky turns black,
The rivers run red,
There ainít no coming back
Soon will all be dead

The sky is falling
Judgment day is calling
Itís the end of the script
Itís the mother****ing Apocalypse

So here comes the fire
Here comes the brimstone
But the only thing on my mind
Are my raging hormones

Thatís right baby,
Itís the end of days
But all I can think about
Is getting myself laid.

So what if its hell on earth?
It just means you donít have to worry about giving birth
So letís throw on some tunes, have a few drinks
Itís the apocalypse baby, who cares what God thinks

So here comes the fire
Here comes the brimstone
But the only thing on my mind
Are my raging hormones

Yea baby, I know weíre still alive
Iím sorry honey, I sold you some jive
You bought it, I took you for a trip
I would never get laid if it wasnít for the Apocalypse

drummer drew
06-28-2005, 04:47 AM
mitsubishi came to town, got stopped by a deadly clown, mitsubishi drove away, far,far out into the bay, no drugs to be seen or used, no poor children to be abused, no crime, no need to fight or run, now is the time for living, dont be shy, just live your life

dont be fooled by appearences, there are so many creases in life, no time to wonder just sit and ponder, over you life, what have you done, you have killed the mighty sun, so please, come on, join in on the fun

no need to be dumb, just have fun
no need to be dumb, just have fun
with you life, try not to get into too much strife
as you life goes on

the hospital awaits you, as you come in from under the shelf
you think too yourself, what have i done?? ive killed the mighty sun
that mighty sun, it was here for fun
ohh, what have you done?

no need to be dumb, just have some fun
no need to be dumb, just have some fun
you fan the mighty earth, your curse awaits
to haunt you for eturnity

ok, that was a song i had thought up after my friend died in a car crash after taking drugs, im planning to put some accustic to it, hope u enjoy

sketchyjoe
06-28-2005, 06:26 AM
God people are stupid.

Society Sellout
07-16-2005, 12:05 AM
Holy cow I really liked the first page of this thread :(... then this happened. Could we just start this all over?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
07-16-2005, 09:18 PM
Unfortunately, no. The noobs ruined it for the rest of us :(.

krook3d
07-29-2005, 02:28 AM
This is The Four Horsemen by Metallica

I think this is metallica's best lyric.
Many Metallica songs are about warriors, war, stuff like that
Like the song One, For Whom The Bell Tolls, ...

By the last breath of the fourth winds blow
Better raise your ears
The sound of hooves knocks at your door
Lock up your wife and children now
It's time to wield the blade
For now you have got some company


The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die


You have been dying since the day
You were born
You know it has all been planned
The quartet of deliverance rides
A sinner once a sinner twice
No need for confession now
Cause now you have got the fight of your life


The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die


Time
has taken its toll on you
The lines that crack your face
Famine
Your body it has torn through
Withered in every place
Pestilence
For what you have had to endure
And what you have put others through
Death
Deliverance for you for sure
There is nothing you can do


So gather round young warriors now
and saddle up your steeds
Killing scores with demon swords
Now is the death of doers of wrong
Swing the judgment hammer down
Safely inside armor blood guts and sweat


The Horsemen are drawing nearer
On the leather steeds they ride
They have come to take your life
On through the dead of night
With the four Horsemen ride
or choose your fate and die

Sprunkey
07-30-2005, 08:52 PM
Title: Rejection With No Question
Band: Source Of Igniton

Itís like a slice in my throat,
The last of the air as I choke,
Nausea down deep,
The one that makes you want to take the leap

The memories are burned into my mind,
Though hazy I know they are not kind,
All the time,
The trust,
The torture,
All the hope that could have shined,
Tarnished by a single act,
Dreams singed and no longer intact

You all say it was meaningless,
ĎWasnít realí,
ĎForcedí,
ĎUnwantedí,
All about a stupid kiss,
A touch,
A pinch,
A pash,
Everything Iíll never even get to miss

Alcoholic apologies from an insecure child,
Friendship burnt to ashes taken so mild,
Anticipation turned to despair,
Why the **** should I continue to care.


yeh thats i poem i wrote with my band, we're working on it i just wanted to know what you guys reckon of those lyrics, tis about a party i went to and i saw the love of my life making out with one of my mates when they were drunk and my heart dropped so i wrote poetry... shutup i'm not emo :P

A_Perfect_Sonnet
07-30-2005, 09:04 PM
Would someone read the fucking rules before posting in here?

PunkyMcEmo
08-03-2005, 11:05 PM
wow. some people cant read, but somehow have the ability to write and type out(crappy) lyrics. weird stuff.
anyway. i thought this forum was cool so i decided to do a song.

Band: Streetlight Manifesto
Lyricist: Tomas Kalnoky
Title: Everything Went Numb
Mp3: http://www.purevolume.com/streetlightmanifesto
Focus: Story-telling, Imagery, Doesn't sound remotely forced

and the story goes like this:
everything went numb with the money and the guns
and everytime he'd think it out: "there's nothing to worry about
get in the van, don't deviate from the plan
if everything goes smooth then you'll walk away a rich man"
so it begins, everybody walks in
could this be the way or the day that the underdog wins?
i think not, so i bet on the feds
because the black hat men never win in the end
^ this is a great intro to the song. the first few lines do a great job of introducing the story without being terribly blatant and telling exactly whats happening. the character is robbing a bank (haha or a convenient store) and hes really worried about it. i like the ideas in the last two lines, but i dont particularly like the flow. thankfully,the way its sung (really really fast) makes it sound good. this verse also shows tomas's ability to write clear, understandable lyrics that convey the point, use imagery, and keep
the listener interested without making him decipher complex metaphors. its like hes talking like any normal person would talk, but it flows perfectly to the song. i love it

ski mask (check)
sawed off (check)
guilty conscience, fear of death (check check check)
everything went numb when he stumbled upon what he thought
was going to be another means to the end
the silence
the sirens
it all went down like his nightmare the night before
i don't want to hear
i don't want to be near
i do what i got to do just to keep my nose clean
^ the best part about tomas kalnoky choruses is that theyre all anthemic.
very energetic, catchy, and they make you wanna sing along. my favorite part about this is how the the quick staccato 'ski mask (check), sawed off (check)' and then the fast, almost melodic 'everything went numb...' part work together. its a great balance and almost sounds like a horn part being sung. lyrically, these are good. they express the basic idea of the song: (rob a bank, get caught, feel bad) in a really catchy way. they reinforce the verses and give you something to hum (or sing if youre so inclined)

the story doesn't end here
don't fear for our hero ain't near the end
my friend
let's take it back to how it all began: with a proposition
and proposition starts with a capital p
"or at least for me" is what he said to himself
but himself ain't a lot when he's got nothing left
of what was once a man, loved and loving
he took that trip that turns something to nothing
right and wrong
there's not a lot a difference when you're singing that poor man's song
and that song it goes just a little like this:
^ another really good verse. it furthers the song by giving more background information on the character. its also has tomas' signature lyrics that are written like hes having a conversation. the last line isnt a bad introduction into the bridge, but i think he couldve come up with something stronger judging by what ive heard from him.

na na na...

this is an amazing song. if youve never heard it, listen to the mp3. even if you dont like the lyrics, the music is amazing too. streetlight roolz.

mcs
08-04-2005, 03:38 AM
It doesn't make me angry or anything, but seriously, honestly, do people just sign up for a random forum and without reading any rules or even any POSTS, just post up a song. It's like shooting in the dark here. Not to be angry, but I can't wrap my mind around how someone would do that... :amaze:

toolofdeviance
08-08-2005, 07:25 PM
Elliott Smith
Twilight (From Basement on the Hill)

Look For: Simple but powerful songwriting, dammit!

haven't laughed this hard in a long time
i better stop now before i start crying
go off to sleep in the sunshine
i don't want to see the day when it's dying

she's a sight to see, she's good to me
i'm already somebody's baby
she's a pretty thing and she knows everything
but i'm already somebody's baby

you don't deserve to be lonely
but those drugs you got won't make you feel better
pretty soon you'll find it's the only
little part of your life you're keeping together

i'm nice to you, i could make it through
that you're already somebody's baby
i could make you smile if you stayed a while
but how long will you stay with me baby

because your candle burns too bright
well, i almost forgot it was twilight
even if i think that you are right
well, i'm tired of being down, i got no fight

you're wonderful, when it's beautiful
but i'm already somebody's baby
and if i went with you i'd disappoint you too
well, i'm already somebody's baby
already somebody's baby

//An amazing artist, painfully honest in his lyrics and music. Amazing contrast of dialogue in this song between him talking to this 'interest' in the first and last stanzas and her talking Elliott in the second. Gets the meaning of the song out without fanciful or surreal imagery or wordings, just a painfully honest song about him finding someone who makes him feel happy and him not being able to connect because of his life-long situation of devoting himself to something else (music, drugs, another girl, I don't know but have a feeling its his depression that isolates him from this 'interest' [his depression and self-medication being the 'somebody']) Another note: he has a great ability to make you feel the mood like your actually in the situation without the dense wordplay that make so many songs unrelatable. Noone talks or thinks in huge words that may or may not have to be looked up. Simple is better in my mind. If the vocals/lyrics are all complex, ppl lose their understanding of the song and their patience. Think about that next time your reading through your pocket thesaurus trying to find a 'smart' (i.e. big/complex) word to put in your lyrics.

blacklabel 240
08-29-2005, 02:50 PM
yeah ive written lyrics but i think they suck anyway ill submit them

Falling Apart

Verse 1

I see you fallin' apart
Can't find a way to put the pieces back together
Don't even know where to start
What makes it worse is the weather
Who am i kidding?...

Chorus

I'm falling apart
Falling apart
Falling apart
Falling apart...

(repeat 2x)

Verse 2

I need to find a way
A way to stay stable
I don't think I can stay
I don't I'm able
I'll have to find a reason
For going insane
I don't thin it's the season
I think it's gonna rain

Chorus 2x

Bridge

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so bold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cruel

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so uncool...

-Pause-

-Drum Fill-

Chorus 2x

Outro

I see you falling apart...









yeah i wrote this like a year ago lol i wont be offended if you say it sucks because i totally agree but you guys gotta give me some feedback on what you think because that will decide if i choose to write music with it for the band it will be our debut song even though im just the guitar player/ or drummer we have quite decided so just post or IM me on AIM: simplicity8995 or MSN: jovang2003@yahoo.com

peace.

blacklabel 240
08-29-2005, 02:54 PM
oh! sorry errors

Verse 2

I need to find a way
A way to stay stable
I don't think I can stay
I don't I'm able
I'll have to find a reason
For going insane
I don't think* it's the season
I think it's gonna rain


Bridge

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so bold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cruel

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so uncool...

2x*

thanks

EmergencyRoom
08-29-2005, 02:55 PM
yeah ive written lyrics but i think they suck anyway ill submit them

Falling Apart

Verse 1

I see you fallin' apart
Can't find a way to put the pieces back together
Don't even know where to start
What makes it worse is the weather
Who am i kidding?...

Chorus

I'm falling apart
Falling apart
Falling apart
Falling apart...

(repeat 2x)

Verse 2

I need to find a way
A way to stay stable
I don't think I can stay
I don't I'm able
I'll have to find a reason
For going insane
I don't thin it's the season
I think it's gonna rain

Chorus 2x

Bridge

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so bold

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so cruel

I don't see why you have to be so negative
I don't see why you have to be so uncool...

-Pause-

-Drum Fill-

Chorus 2x

Outro

I see you falling apart...









yeah i wrote this like a year ago lol i wont be offended if you say it sucks because i totally agree but you guys gotta give me some feedback on what you think because that will decide if i choose to write music with it for the band it will be our debut song even though im just the guitar player/ or drummer we have quite decided so just post or IM me on AIM: simplicity8995 or MSN: jovang2003@yahoo.com

peace.

CAN YOU NOT READ? Post original songs in the main forum. This is for lyrics and poetry by others. :rolleyes:

TojesDolan
08-29-2005, 04:32 PM
I think people misunderstand because of the thread title...

I had never posted in here because I though it was unnecesary. Maybe I'll do it some other day.

blacklabel 240
09-01-2005, 06:30 PM
CAN YOU NOT READ? Post original songs in the main forum. This is for lyrics and poetry by others. :rolleyes:


i dont know im new to this and i think this whole forum is really confusing please forgive me

blacklabel 240
09-01-2005, 06:31 PM
CAN YOU NOT READ? Post original songs in the main forum. This is for lyrics and poetry by others. :rolleyes:

sorry man.

blacklabel 240
09-01-2005, 06:33 PM
I think people misunderstand because of the thread title...

I had never posted in here because I though it was unnecesary. Maybe I'll do it some other day.

yeah thats was my problem

blacklabel 240
09-01-2005, 06:34 PM
CAN YOU NOT READ? Post original songs in the main forum. This is for lyrics and poetry by others. :rolleyes:

and actually i can read i just didnt know calm down...

EmergencyRoom
09-01-2005, 06:44 PM
and actually i can read i just didnt know calm down...

I apologise for my outburst because it wasn't all your doing. I'd already seen about 5 new users disregard the rules and do really stupid things that day.

Just try and read things a little more carefully. There was a post just a couple above you who'd done the exact same thing.

Again i apologise for my over-the-topness :thumb:

blacklabel 240
09-07-2005, 02:58 PM
I apologise for my outburst because it wasn't all your doing. I'd already seen about 5 new users disregard the rules and do really stupid things that day.

Just try and read things a little more carefully. There was a post just a couple above you who'd done the exact same thing.

Again i apologise for my over-the-topness :thumb:

oh alright gotcha

fretfriend
09-11-2005, 01:56 PM
You guys are dumb fu**s I was enjoying reading the first page then idiots started to post your weak sh:( and you ruined a good forum you fags

APS
09-11-2005, 02:01 PM
You guys are dumb fu**s I was enjoying reading the first page then idiots started to post your weak sh:( and you ruined a good forum you fags

Irony.

TojesDolan
09-11-2005, 02:03 PM
Alright kid, hold your horses.

First of all, that's not agood way to start your forum's life. It's stupid and could cost you a ban. Second of all, give at least a few valid arguments for how much this sucks, that post just made you look lame and stupid.

And please, please, take things easy. This is the internet. Enjoy IT.

rocker diva
09-18-2005, 05:27 PM
shauna burns has some of the most poetic lyrics! her music is so touching and deep. i found her on myspace and went to her site www.shaunaburns.com i can discuss her songs all day...who wants to go!?!?!? :thumb:

TojesDolan
09-18-2005, 07:58 PM
NO, PLEASE, NO!

Post her songs if you want, but no advertising..!!

blacklabel 240
09-21-2005, 09:22 AM
You guys are dumb fu**s I was enjoying reading the first page then idiots started to post your weak sh:( and you ruined a good forum you fags
ok you loser if you live to read arguments over the internet. you seriously need a life.

blacklabel 240
09-21-2005, 09:23 AM
Alright kid, hold your horses.

First of all, that's not agood way to start your forum's life. It's stupid and could cost you a ban. Second of all, give at least a few valid arguments for how much this sucks, that post just made you look lame and stupid.

And please, please, take things easy. This is the internet. Enjoy IT.

first of al our aruments noneof you guy's business. second of all it wasnt really an argument. and we worked it out. butt out, *******. that post you just made to make you look like a wise old man and the attempt to be witty and cool just backfired you jackass.

SubtleDagger
09-21-2005, 09:27 AM
Welcome to four days ago.

Stop posting.

rocker diva
09-25-2005, 07:57 PM
kk :) she is really an amazing artist i'll look for some songs to post! I LOVE SHAUNA BURNS!!!

blacklabel 240
11-15-2005, 04:39 PM
Welcome to four days ago.

Stop posting.
welcome to shut the **** up and stay the **** out of my business and dont worry about what the **** i do bitch.

A_Perfect_Sonnet
11-15-2005, 04:57 PM
welcome to shut the **** up and stay the **** out of my business and dont worry about what the **** i do bitch.

Welcome to two months ago, now you really should stop posting.

blacklabel 240
11-15-2005, 05:15 PM
welcome go masturbate and do not worry about what the **** i do because my internet was dead for the past two months now watch me post without a problem if you have a problem with it do something about k? which i doubt you can do.

A_Perfect_Sonnet
11-15-2005, 05:31 PM
I don't really waste effort on "brawling" over the internet. Have fun with your childish anger though.

TojesDolan
11-15-2005, 06:12 PM
This kid really needs with capital URGENT a calendar and a clock.

Please let this bastard thread die out.

theredwonder
11-16-2005, 05:06 AM
Is it pathetic that i keep checking this thread just to see if his user title says "Banned" yet?

Well done for spoiling an interesting thread though.