View Full Version : Don't Sleep with Lit Cigarettes

07-31-2004, 11:03 PM
I found you
tounge tied
with another guy
but oh hell
who the hell cares
I have up on
this so long ago

Chorus: Your the lit cigarette
someone falls alseep with at night
and wakes up in
the morning
with nothing left
but ashes in the bed

Your the blackwidow
that finds someone at night
but kills them in the morning
and I fell into your
web again
thinking I wouldnt be
hurt this time


people say let
sleeping dogs lie
but I wish I could let this
one die
because I' m sick
of having it around
every day and it's
keeping me up at night


you should have
a surgeon general warning
that reads
use at your own risk
may be
harmful to your health

So tell what you think and what i could do better.

07-31-2004, 11:14 PM
i dunno, im a little to tired to crit... i like the idea especially the chorus verses could use some work tho...just the flow seems off

Pirate Satellite
07-31-2004, 11:36 PM
The last verse seems very choppy, but I think it's a pretty great concept. I'm assuming it will sound like an Alkaline Trio song? Great for the genre, nice work.

08-01-2004, 05:56 AM
Who would sleep with a cigarette? thats one weird fetish...ooooh...

Good in some places then trite in others (specifically the first stanza "oh hell/who the hell cares")

08-01-2004, 07:33 AM
i think its really great. i LOVED THE IMAGERY! "falling asleep with a cigarette" thats great.

and to AntiGovRealist....YES, people DO fall asleep with lit cigarettes. (personal experience)

08-01-2004, 07:55 AM
i meant sleeping with a cigarette (like u know ****ing) as a joke.

08-01-2004, 08:05 AM
i meant sleeping with a cigarette (like u know ****ing) as a joke.

haha ok

08-01-2004, 08:03 PM
haha awesome concept. Very original. Some parts didn't seem to flow well, but they were few but nothing. Overall, 8/10

08-01-2004, 08:38 PM
VERY COOL. Right this very instant, I can relate, and its a great concept. 8.5/10... Just work on the flow a bit.

08-02-2004, 01:13 PM
I like the concept of the whole thing and I love the title but it doesnt sound like it would flow very well. But then again I dont know what music you want to put to it.

8.5/10. :smoke:

11-06-2004, 09:05 PM
I have up on
this so long ago
Shouldn't that "have" be "gave" ?

All of is awesome but the last part. I really dislike that...
It sounds cheesy to me.
Later for you.

11-06-2004, 11:40 PM
Let me just say I loved the title, but I didn't think you would actually include it in the song... but you did. And that's fine, it is a very original twist on a oft-repeated topic (cheating) which is refreshing. But besides the topic, this is a pretty bland and simple song, it doesn't break any new ground and it doesn't impress me.

But keep writing songs and having fun :)

Overall 6/10