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The Stars
07-09-2004, 11:33 AM
Fall In Line
Environmentalists concerning
The forests still burning

Out of time
Elections engineered
In the only country feared

(chorus)

The rain falls from the sky
And burns through my skin
The world's afraid to fly
From failed response within

The sun still shines above us
But lights up the feild of war
Half the world against us
Because our leader wants more

Pick with us we'll f.ck with you
Crash our planes we'll fight
First Afghanistan now Iraqis too
We won't stop till the world's alight

Screwed our world
Acid rain's burning
Corruption's all we're learning

Forget our schools
We're more worried about our pledge
Then with what the teacher says

*Chorus*

The world's shot you can't deny
There's just no coming back
Our oil reserves in short supply
So now we'll f.ck Iraq

Confusion sowed by TV
Can't tell what's fake, what's right
It's getting so hard to see
Like someone turned out the light

*chorus*

The sun still shines in the morning rain
And looks on a new day
The world leaders start to wake again
To disease and disarray

But it's a new day
And maybe there's still hope
And it's a new day
And maybe there's still hope
Maybe there's still hope
And maybe there's still hope



I wrote this song right before i went to bed... it just seemed to flow off the tip of my tongue. I like it, personally, so i'll see how you all do as well... sorry for the F-words... :(

Thanks in advance!

maggotfelon
07-09-2004, 12:00 PM
I don't care for political stuff but I'll try to put that aside...

Up until ...
"Pick with us we'll f.ck with you
Crash our planes we'll fight
First Afghanistan now Iraqis too
We won't stop till the world's alight"
...I thought it was pretty good, but this part really... kills the mood. For a political type song you do good not being too preachy and sh.it in the beginning. When I read this I almost died laughing... it brings the whole piece down a notch. I wouldn't even edit it, I'd just delete IMO.

"Our oil reserves in short supply, So now we'll f.ck Iraq"
---more of that preachy crap. i really dislike this part.

"The world leaders start to wake again, To disease and disarray"
---I'd get rid of again for flow's sake.

I think you should do a better more climactic ending.

Not bad considering it's not really my style. 7/10

do_dear_do_kill_me_do
03-18-2005, 12:34 PM
oy what's with all the bullsh.it?
whatever

TheOpeningAct101
03-18-2005, 01:21 PM
it becomes extremly forced around the 6th stanza, and loses what flow it did have. also words such as enviromentalists, engineered and afganistan need to ba taken out. they just dont belong in a song like this, and if you could put it to music and make it work i would be very surprised. also a thesaurus might come in handy.

FoamytheSquirrel
03-18-2005, 05:52 PM
hmmm.............