View Full Version : "my feet are beginning to hurt as i stand and stare at you"

04-18-2004, 04:32 PM
I’m standing alone as you dream to yourself
alone in the corner as second thoughts start to come
along with cold air from your open window
and you dream happily into your pillow

you’re waiting for the sun to fade
waiting to watch a black shape rise
waiting for only shooting stars passing by
waiting for a black sun to set over red sky

and in the distance
its like a black whole has come to end it all
yet there’s nothing to be seen
but you will still die
as the black sun sets onto red sky

while your skin turns to ice
and your heart stops its turn
and end will soon come to your fight
but what’s an end when nothings learned
as the last match goes out in your head
know that the black sun was my shadow
as I approached your bed

*******crit please

04-18-2004, 04:33 PM
you really really really need to shorten that title.

10-10-2005, 06:12 AM
You probably should shorten the title a bit, it doesn't make that much sense either after i read the song.

10-10-2005, 08:48 AM
I'd change the title to "I stand and stare" or something. Also you overuse the word black. Try "dark" or something.