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Ashley Doodkorte
10-27-2003, 08:55 AM
Seven seals and a gun
are all that's needed to run
far away from the sound
that still lingers on...

The air gets harder to breathe
the higher you try to climb.
Not but a taste of things to come,
one day you'll suffocate.

How many times did I ask of you
to play along, to let it be?
You know I tried everything I knew
to make you settle down...

Things still all seem the same
before and after the day you came.
For better or worse we'll never be apart
because it works so well...

Look, touch, taste, swallow.
If it makes you happy, I'll follow you
as deep as you can go.

See these faces? The promises I never made were written on the wind.
But if it makes you happy, I swear
I'd make these promises again.

We're unhealthy;
the unsustainable high of insomnia has let us down.
But if it makes you happy, I'll let you go,
I'll take you home to sleep.

Who is the one to blame for the mess you've gotten us in?

Give and take all you want,
I've forgotten to care.
Stay in touch for a while,
because I'm not far away......

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This has just been worked into an actual song, and the singer has given these lyrics exactly what I think they needed... but im always up for criticism, good or bad, so I'd like to know what people think!!

Cheers!
- ashD

led_zep_luvr
11-18-2004, 01:20 AM
Seven seals and a gun
are all that's needed to run
far away from the sound
that still lingers on...

The air gets harder to breathe
the higher you try to climb.
Not but a taste of things to come,
one day you'll suffocate.

How many times did I ask of you
to play along, to let it be?
You know I tried everything I knew
to make you settle down...

Things still all seem the same
before and after the day you came.
For better or worse we'll never be apart
because it works so well...

Look, touch, taste, swallow.
If it makes you happy, I'll follow you
as deep as you can go.

See these faces? The promises I never made were written on the wind.
But if it makes you happy, I swear
I'd make these promises again.

We're unhealthy;
the unsustainable high of insomnia has let us down.
But if it makes you happy, I'll let you go,
I'll take you home to sleep.

Who is the one to blame for the mess you've gotten us in?

Give and take all you want,
I've forgotten to care.
Stay in touch for a while,
because I'm not far away......

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This has just been worked into an actual song, and the singer has given these lyrics exactly what I think they needed... but im always up for criticism, good or bad, so I'd like to know what people think!!

Cheers!
- ashD


ok.

Dingbats
11-18-2004, 09:39 AM
They're well written, but a bit too direct. I'd try not to use that clear expressions, I'd use more... mystic lines. But it's very well written, very well.

AdoniZebek
11-18-2004, 10:32 AM
That was good.. it flowed made sense... that was one of the best i have seen in a while...well i am new here so... a while is a few days... but i did not get the point of the one long line.. Who is the one to blame for the mess you've gotten us in? but thats just me...

espf-250htd06
11-18-2004, 04:27 PM
idk the flow seemed off everywhich of way
if its a scremo song it wouldnt matter but idk if it is

Not but a taste of things to come,
one day you'll suffocate.

Give and take all you want,
I've forgotten to care.
Stay in touch for a while,
because I'm not far away......

worst lines would revise them or do them over completly

We're unhealthy;
the unsustainable high of insomnia has let us down.
But if it makes you happy, I'll let you go,
I'll take you home to sleep.

good
but is insomnia just to compare to sleep if so its fine but if not idk why insomnia is in there

over all 7.8/10 not bad but could be better which is what i tell everyone lol

check out my song ill live the life unlived thanks

morrissey
11-18-2004, 04:30 PM
ok.

:rolleyes: are you serious??

led_zep_luvr
11-19-2004, 09:11 PM
:rolleyes: are you serious??

is your mom black?

A_Perfect_Sonnet
11-19-2004, 09:18 PM
^---wow you're the stupidest person ive even seen on this forum

espf-250htd06
11-19-2004, 09:22 PM
does it count if she was an illigetiment child?

Is it gay to play putt putt golf
with a friend and watch his butt butt as he tees off
but, ut, I aint done yet
in football the quarterback yells out hutt hutt
as he reaches in another grown man's a$$
Grabs on his nuts but just what if
It was never meant it was just an accident
But he tripped, fell, slipped and his pen!s went in
His teeny tiny little round hiney but he didn't mean it
But his little weenie flinched just a little bit
And I don't mean to go in into any more details but
What if he pictured it as a females butt?
Is that gay? I just need to clear things up
Til then i'll just walk around with a manly strut because...

ok i'll shut up, sorry to spam