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The new staff members aren’t yet able to post in the staff blog, so I’m doing my favorite son Adam Thomas a big favor here and posting his blog about this year’s Record Store Day.  I’m lending my support to this blog post, as Record Store Day is a big fucking deal for guys like us who buy vinyl and albums that you can’t get at Best Buy, etc.  So give Adam your full attention and support your local record stores if you have any!  As a sidenote, here are some possible names for his future column:  Adam’s Spasms, Adam’s Orgasms, Adam’s Chasms.  Just some suggestions.

Just a little reminder for y’all, the fourth annual Record Store Day is this Saturday, April 17th. For those not in the know, Record Store Day is a world wide celebration of independent music retailers, marked by a plethora of special releases from musicians on both major and indie labels, and special in-store appearances by tons of bands both big and small. So why honor the local record shop? Despite the fact that they can at times be a bit more pricey than their superstore counterparts, local record stores foster a sense of community amongst their consumers, stocking albums based on what their clientele want, not based on corporate buggery and marketing deals. This personal touch is what they rely on to survive, and with retail giants like Wal-Mart, Target, and Best Buy holding brick and mortar retail music sales by the balls and…

I’ve been a fan of most the music that Peter Steele has put out including Carnivore and Type O Negative. Based on that, I’m not going to jump to any conclusions based on all of the news that’s floating around right now – we’ll save that shit for a different day. I did want to take this time to highlight his band prior to Type O Negative, though, because they were always a bit underrated in my opinion. Their first album was kind of sloppy thrash but their second release, Retaliation, was straight up hardcore with a huge streak of sarcasm and a warped sense of humor. None of these songs were supposed to be taken seriously, they were just supposed to be so incredibly stupid that they were funny. Of course, when Peter became famous through Type O Negative critics returned to this album to accuse him of everything from racism to homophobia to just about everything else (prompting the song “We Hate Everyone” on Bloody Kisses).  Anyway, hopefully Peter is somewhere sleeping in New York (it is only 11am)…


- Jesus Hitler

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- Angry Neurotic Catholics

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Can I be serious for a minute?

Glee is awesome.

seriously, it's awesome

But it’s come to my attention that there are a lot of people out there who don’t like it.  Now, I’ve never seen a specific comment on this website stating dislike for Glee, but I’m going to assume that there are bunch of you guys who hate it.  My first response to you, if you’re out there, is Fuck you faggot Glee rules. My second response is Have you seen it? You probably answered that question with a “no,” because this is a website where we give albums a rating of “1″ just because we heard the beginning of “Tik Tok” on the radio and turned it off, repulsed and intent on lowering Ke$ha’s rating when we get home.  So what have you heard about Glee?  That it’s like High School Musical for people who enjoyed High School Musical but are now slightly older?  That it’s full of high school drama that you will most likely find beneath you?  That it’s gay?

Well, first of all, High School Musical was awesome too.

i'm ashley tisdale's homosexual twin, he's the… black girl

Second of all, I got news for ya.  It’s all of those things!  But in a good way.  I can hear you guys now:  ”But how can something that’s a bit gay actually be good?”  Well, we all listen to Animal Collective, right?  Those guys seriously…

I have to admit that I’m a bit worried by these song samples. Despite everything I’ve read, this album just sounds like it’s going to be very dull. With the exception of “The Termination Proclamation” and the title track, every song felt like something from Dead Heart in a Dead World (an album that I’m not a huge fan of). Worse, it sounded more tame and generic than that album did. You’d have to go all the way back to their debut to find something as lifeless. I hope I’m wrong because 30 second samples definitely aren’t the whole story, but this has definitely dampened my enthusiasm for this release.


Titus Andronicus (And The Problem With Aiden)

Generally, music does not make me want to go out and do things.  I guess there is a large demographic that becomes motivated by music, but I’m certainly not a part of it.  I hear a lot of people – wait, let’s be honest here; I read a lot of comments from people online – talking about how they’ll listen to music to pump them up before they hit the field to play a football game or something.  When I get done scoffing at the fact that someone on a music forum is pretending to be manly beyond having the ability to grow some kind of creepy neckbeard, I get to thinking.  I mean, if I wanted to pump myself up about getting my frail, super indie body crushed under a pile of sweaty jocks, I’m pretty sure I would just put on some show-tunes and get my ass down to the Drama Department where I so obviously belong in the first place.

home sweet home

But seriously, listening to, say, a Pantera song to pump me up for a certain event would just make me want to…listen to more Pantera.  It reminds me of when I was still in high school.  I never actually was in the Drama Department, by the way.  It was a good thing because I was never labeled as a homo because I liked to wear tights on stage in front…

Here at sputnikmusic.com, we have a whole crap-load of users who have yet to write a review.  It’s not necessarily in my job description as a staff writer to notice things like that, but then again it’s not my job to stare at the leggy photographs in the liner notes for Joanna Newsom’s Have One On Me for hours on end either, which is what my day generally consists of.  Some of these users are fairly established, with a few hundred comments or so.  It’s clear they’ve read plenty of reviews and would theoretically be able to accurately reconstruct one of them in their own unique voice, so why haven’t they?  And then it hit me:

I haven’t written a how-to guide yet.

this guy looks familiar

I have been on this site for far too long now.  I won’t say how long exactly but I will hint that it may or may not be more than four years.  As such, I’ve watched reviewing trends come and go out of style like all those articles of clothing in the American Apparel ads (or maybe they’re cool because they’re out of style?  Are they post-out of style??  What sort of man wears a scarf in the summer anyway?).  Back when I first joined the site, people were still writing track-by-track reviews and at that point I think there were still only 175 or so Pokemon.  Things were simpler back then.  There was a basic reviewing progression…

There is a curious phenomenon that I’ve only come across a few times in my music listening history.  Think about an album that you’ve been listening to for a few years or more, an album so familiar that you wouldn’t be able to begin to count how many times you’ve heard it.  Now, think about the last time you listened to that particular album.  Did you really listen to it, or did it simply wash over you?  I’m not implying that you didn’t enjoy it, but you probably feel like you’ve heard all there is to hear, you’ve felt all there is to feel.  The music is well worn and well loved, but you regret that you can’t regain the way you felt when you first heard the album.

Every now and then though, I listen to a song that I’ve heard hundreds of times, only it feels like the first time again.  It’s similar to the feeling you get when you put on a record you love but haven’t heard in awhile.  Something you grew tired of a few months ago and haven’t thought about until now.  That’s a great feeling, but it’s the same as when you jump back into a pool after adult swim is over.  The air is cold, the breeze sharp, but the water welcomes you when the whistle blows.  Very common.  The one I’m describing is much rarer and deeper.

Specifically, I was listening to blink-182’s self-titled album.  This is an album that I’ve…

For those of you who haven’t checked out one of Japan’s most endearing songwriters (and why haven’t you??), now is certainly as good a time as any to seek out Shugo Tokumaru who, for this lowly critic’s money, released one of last decade’s strongest pop collections.  Shugo is gearing up to release his fourth album, Port Entropy, in Japan on April 21, three years after Exit’s sugar rush.  Based on the new video below, we are in for some more indelible, colorful, very foreign folk music.  No news yet on release dates around the world, but that shouldn’t stop you from eating up the rest of this man’s discography.  It is weird and humble in a very, very good way.

“Lahaha” off Port Entropy released April 21

【MyX 10.04】トクマルシューゴ / Lahaha

MyX | MySpace Video

Sputnik Music would like all of you to join us in congratulating Kiran Soderqvist (Kirgasm), Adam Thomas (Redskyformiles), and Rudy Klapper (Klap4music) on their promotions to staff.

Note: Contributor promotions are still scheduled to take place later in the Spring.

I like dogs.  I work at an animal hospital, so I’m around them every day.  If dogs were music genres this is what they would be.  As with previous and all future Chan’s Plans, images are credited to my partner in crime charlesfishowitz, who worked a lot harder on the pictures than I did on the descriptions, and for that I will always be grateful.

Bassett Hound/Shoegaze: Proven to be the most pathetic creatures in existence, Bassett Hounds perpetually look sad and can make you give them whatever they want just by turning those droopy eyes your way.  While walking, they always look down at their feet with their nose on the ground, continually sniffing out the most strategic place to piss.  Also, they’ve got those big ears to pick up as much reverb and feedback as possible.

bassett hounds are masters of sparkling reverb

Bullmastiff/Doom: Stockier than the horse-like English Mastiff, Bullmastiffs are crushingly powerful, blundering but not stupidly so, and capable of aggression when their master commands.  Yesterday, I was dragged down a hill and through some pine trees by a 110-pound specimen named Blue.  All I could do was salute him with a \m/.


Boston Terrier/Metalcore:  They are intensely cute as puppies, but as they age, numerous health problems arise.  As a brachycephalic breed, breathing problems are common and can lead to a general raspy sound emanating from their throats.  Over time they become a general…

The car’s on fire and there’s no driver at the wheel

and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides

One of the last shows of the "political" Protest the Hero era

As puberty set in, Protest the Hero were coming off of a re-release of 2003’s A Calculated Use of Sound, now retrofitted with the one-off anti-war ‘anthem’ “Soft Targets Dig Softer Graves” wedged awkwardly in the middle of its track list. “Soft Targets”, originally released on one of Underground Operations’ Greetings From the Underground samplers, was written and recorded over a year after the release of A Calculated Use of Sound and it showed. Rody wasn’t shouting anymore. His singing voice still wasn’t where it is now but for the first time he wasn’t simply yelling at the top of his lungs. The band had gotten a little heavier and a little more technical, too; there was less focus on Moe’s drumming and a higher emphasis on the guitar trade-offs between Luke and Tim and Arif had taught himself to finger tap on the bass. But the musical evolution evidenced in “Soft Targets” is unimportant to what I want to touch on. What matters is it was the end of Protest the Hero’s political era.

That became clear when they debuted “A Plateful of Our Dead”, then known simply as “Kezia”. In its infancy, performances of the song would always begin with bassist and lyricist Arif Mirabdolwhatever introducing it with the preface, “this is a song about a little girl standing in front of a firing squad”. When the album finally came out,…

First of all, I added a new song to our nifty Track of the Day playlist over there on the right.  It’s “Wellington’s Wednesdays” from the new Weakerthans release, Live At The Burton Cummings Theatre.  John K. Samson pulls a random kid up from the crowd to play a solo in the middle of the song and he actually does pretty damn good.

Alright, onto pressing matters.  Here are some things that you guys need to stop doing:

1. Using the term “concept album” – You wouldn’t call a novel that tells a story a “concept book” would you?  No.  So why do we automatically throw the hideous term “concept album” onto any record that has themes or tells a story?  People are calling the new Titus Andronicus album a concept album for Christ’s sake.  Every album has connected themes, every song tells a story.  You know why people call vehicle prototypes “concept cars”?  Because they haven’t been fucking invented yet.

2. Using the term “pop-punk” – It’s not so much the term itself that bothers me, although it certainly does get on my nerves.  It’s the fact that it’s gained such a negative connotation (similar to how people used to use the word “emo” a few years ago) that people automatically hold something referred to as “pop-punk” to a much lower standard, as if something labelled as such can’t be better than a 3 or 3.5.   It’s especially annoying that the only thing that sets “pop-punk” albums apart…

It’s rare enough that I choose to watch a film at all (I’m just not a fan of the medium in general), but lately, my tastes have become alarmingly specific; I’ve been watching operas. More specifically, I’ve been watching the movie adaptations of operas that were briefly prevalent during the later ’70s and mid-’80s – the 1986 version of Verdi’s Otello that stars Placido Domingo in blackface, the 1983 adaptation of the same composer’s Rigoletto that boasts one of Pavarotti’s defining performances, the 1984 version of Bizet’s Carmen with Julia Migenes in the sexually aggressive titular role, the acclaimed 1979 version of Mozart’s Don Giovanni, and so on. Generally, they’re good fun and they’re entertaining enough, and since they’re effectively just music with pictures they’re perfect for someone like me. Yet, one thing is undeniable – they’re not a patch on just listening to the music on its own.

Rigoletto This all ties into something that’s bugged me about opera for some time. Whether you choose to use the term ’snobs’ or ‘traditionalists’, there are a lot of big opera fans that will insist that it’s almost not worth owning an album until you’ve seen the opera performed live; that the music is just one part of a bigger event. On paper, this is completely true – the whole point of opera, in the beginning, was to combine every art form into one spectacle. The composers handled the music, the performers

I wanted the title of my column to be something awesome like Burt’s Bits or Taylor Talk but I have a weird name and “plan” is the only relevant word that rhymes with Chan.

Anyway, the other day I saw Paranormal Activity for the first time.  Marketed by many as one of the scariest movies of all time, I was pretty disappointed.  However, it did fill my head with a bunch of interesting thoughts, many of them so tangential that I couldn’t remember how I got from Point A to Point F or whatever.  Mostly I was distracted by thoughts of how awesome the movie would be if it was told from the demon’s perspective.  Imagine you’ve just died and suddenly you’re a badass demon living in hell.  You’re psyched, you’re ready to fuck shit up.  You get a message from the Colonel of the Demonic Legion saying that he wishes to speak with you.  You’re excited as hell.  You start mentally preparing for Armageddon.  When you reach his office, he gives you your first assignment:  squat in the house of a young engaged couple and scare the living shit out of them, with the eventual goal of possessing one of them or killing them both.  Sounds good, right?  But then he gives you some limitations.  You can’t just go in there and pinch their grape heads in your claws.  You’ve got to have finesse.  You’ve got to…make only one scary noise a night and then spend the rest of…

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