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It’s been an agonising two days, but finally international football is back with the first of the two semi-finals: an all-Iberian affair between El Furia Roja (Spain) and the Not So Furia Roja (Portugal). Will today be the day we finally get to see Ronaldo cry? By which I mean it’s been a couple of months since the last time. Or will today be the day we get to see Xavi… no probably not… will today be the day we see Inies… will today be the day we get to see Sergio Busquets cry like the enormo-jawed bitch that he is? Probably not, but maybe he’ll break a nail or an arm.

Spain: Dark Moor – ‘Swan Lake’

Dark Moor are far from the best symphonic power metal band on the go, but in terms of sheer what-the-fuckery it’s hard to beat the eight-minute epic ‘Swan Lake,’ which appears to be based on Tchiakovsky’s ballet and the Russian influence can be heard right down to the bizarre lack of articles in the chorus: “Her soul will be swan until she feels the love of nobleman.” All in all, it’s good to see somebody still clings to some standard of medieval Russian romance. I bet Andrey “I’d ban women from driving” Arshavin loves this shit.

-v-

Portugal: Extreme – ‘He Man Woman Hater’

Of all the countries featured in the series thus far, Portugal has probably been the most problematic (with the possible exception of the Czech Republic and Croatia) – in many ways, Portugal is just a crap Spain. However, while Spain undoubtedly has the edge in terms of classical guitarist, it’s Portugal (or, strictly speaking, the Azores) that can boast a true metal god in Nuno Bettencourt. Extreme have always gotten a harsh rap as Van Halen clones (frontman Gary Cherone didn’t help by agreeing to an unsuccessful spell as a stunt Sammy Hagar), but in Nuno they have probably the most technically gifted guitarist of the pop-metal era. Check out his ‘Flight of the Wounded Butterfly’ intro here and the face-melting solo around the 4:25 mark.





Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
Extra points for anybody who spotted the intentional contrast between a song that promotes archaic misogynistic standards of romantic love and the song that snidely derides the same sort of men who blame women for not conforming to their neanderthalistic expectations.

Little bit of gender politics for ya there. You won't find this shit at wiredreviewers.com

AliW1993
06.27.12
Really hoping for a Portugal win here.

That said, Ronaldo's tears would be welcome alternative.

fish.
06.27.12
If Portugal win, my dream team squad for the final is fucked.

Now I know when to keep my wildcard for

TheNotrap
06.27.12
Spain is favourite, let's see...

Sanders
06.27.12
LOOK AT THAT FUCKING RIDICULOUS NECK

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
OMG, now that you mention it, his face/neck look damn weird. OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!

anyway i hope someone can defeat spain just so that they don't steamroll any more tournaments.

BUT i also don't want portugal to win for some reason.

lets hope for a good match and no more penalty shots.

TheMoreira
06.27.12
VAMOS LA PORTUGAL!

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
btw if anyone cares "meet the pyro" video from valve is out ;)

DeadBeat
06.27.12
I'd like the final to be Italy vs Portugal

Shuyin
06.27.12
VAMOS LA PORTUGAL! [2]



Shuyin
06.27.12
i love that Dark Moor song btw, good pick

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
great passing, even the tunnel was good ;)

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
if they pass fast it really is beautiful to watch

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
same thing as with england: how long can portugal keep up their speed? coz right now they don't look that bad but i don't think they can hold this tempo.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
CR7 should have passed -.-

fish.
06.27.12
Best game of the tournament so far. Spain are looking mortal

Sanders
06.27.12
Spain looking flawed, let alone mortal

fish.
06.27.12
Haha ref is a fucking moron. Why didn't he play advantage there? Nani was through

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
everytime CR7 passes he them stops moving and just stands on the line, only if he knows that he would score does he move more towards the goal...

and yeah spain looks mortal but thats because portugal is playing their best game sofar. each player is fighting to the tooth.

thumbcrusher
06.27.12
martin keown is such an idiot

Sanders
06.27.12
slice slice slice slice slice

Sanders
06.27.12
I also can't help but think that whenever he says Raul Meireles he's actually saying Brown Relish

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
Spain are not functioning at all. Sergio Ramos should be off already.

fish.
06.27.12
Haha

Spain still have the majority of possession and more passes but it doesn't feel like it

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
uuuuh, i hope this turns into a bitch fest

thumbcrusher
06.27.12
yeah they seem as likely to score as each other, though right it feels like there's going to be a red card before a goal

henryChinaski
06.27.12
Haha that CR7 picture. Match needs more goals!

fish.
06.27.12
"though right it feels like there's going to be a red card before a goal!"
I know what you mean

Pentagon
06.27.12
"Spain are not functioning at all. Sergio Ramos should be off already"

How?

Shuyin
06.27.12
damn Portugal is playing really well, not much space for spain to play.

hope that the referee stops fucking us up tho.

TheMoreira
06.27.12
^ And hugo almeida seriously needs to get off. We cannot simply start the second half with that fat ass on the field, else we're screwed

TheMoreira
06.27.12
Also, Nani is on fire.

thumbcrusher
06.27.12
nani is playing well but christ someone needs to tell him he's not ronaldo

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
"How?"

He had a few fouls before he finally got a yellow. I didn't see the replay but it looked like he should have been yellowed for taking out Nani a few minutes before finally being booked.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
yeah, it really has become a bitchfest with all those fouls ;)

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
the game has become more chaotic, a lot of bad passes, no real strategies and way to dirty fast. spain is best with slow tiki taka and they adhere to that rather than play the ugly style england played in there last match.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
btw: Bert van Marwijk resigns as coach from holland nation team

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
casillas girlfriend is damn hot

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
question: will all the yellow cards carry onto the finals?

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
Spain look burned out as many predicted before the tournament. Even if they win, the final might just be a game too far against fresher opposition, particularly if they're German.

fish.
06.27.12
They're wiped after the quarter finals so you can only get suspended in the final if you're sent off in the semis

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
OMG RONALDO YOU ASS.



fish.
06.27.12
Ronaldo screwed that one up, Portugal could have snatched it there

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
It was a poor pass from Meireles. Ronaldo should have done better but it was a difficult chance.

fish.
06.27.12
Have Portugal played in their home kit at all in this competition?

Only 1 shot on target in the whole match so far

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
spain is making a lot of mistakes and they keep the ball too long instead of passing fast like they always did. playing fast and dirty isn't their suit.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
i think against germany they were in red.

Shuyin
06.27.12
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

TheMoreira
06.27.12
Ronaldo always pulls the ball back to his right foot when he's on the left wing.. If he had done that on that last play, it was game over for Spain. I guess he's just too nervous to let it flow Ronaldo style.

Still, Portugal is playing way better, we deserve this game!

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
omg please don't let this end in penalties shot

TheMoreira
06.27.12
IN BENTO WE TRUST.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
i think if this was any other team than spain we'd say both teams are equal rather than saying portugal is better, coz to both teams seem to be equally ineffective.

phishing
06.27.12
this game is dreadfully dull


fish.
06.27.12
Portugal have slowed down and failed to capitalise on their play. Spain could snatch this, and Iniesta should've.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7HUMGvvwf8
^^Now that was a semi final

DeadBeat
06.27.12
the first half was good then the game became boring

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
yup, both teams lost focus and concentration, became sloppy and now dull and out of stamina. so yeah great first half, sloppy second and dreadful third and i guess a misrable shoot out in the end.

phishing
06.27.12
yea i suppose i was quite impressed with the portuguese in the first half, they pressed very effectively and prevented the spanish from getting into any shape of rhythm



phishing
06.27.12
one thing i really don't understand is why del bosque is so stubborn to even consider using fernando llorente as a target man and brings on pedro instead of him; i mean, llorente bagged thirty goals in fifty-three apps last season for bilbao which is impressive considering it's an average team.

with iniesta, xavi (okay i know he got subbed off), fabregas, alonso etc feeding him and putting crosses into the box i'm positive he'd cause problems

Recspecs
06.27.12
Fuck I missed the match because I've been to driving to fucking Florida.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
the game is getting a bit better but all the more frustrating coz there is still no goal. both teams have only enough power to keep their goals clean.

FromDaHood
06.27.12
Fuck shootouts. Shootouts are the worst thing ever.

DeadBeat
06.27.12
Penalties now, the luckiest team will win

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
so how will it end? 4-3 for portugal?

phishing
06.27.12
penalties

"at least we're going to see a goal" - alan hansen



Oblivioncry
06.27.12
i don't like the shootouts either but there isn't that much luck. most of the times someone is too stupid to hit the goal (HOW CAN YOU MISS?). the only luck part is if the keeper jumps into the right direction, thats the only luck component. italy vs. england showed just how "easy" it is to be bad at shootouts.

phishing
06.27.12
amazing save patricio!

phishing
06.27.12
x2 to casillas.

phishing
06.27.12
fucking spain.

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
-.- i am disappointed

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
the above image is even more fitting now

porch
06.27.12
spain deserved to win


"the only luck part is if the keeper jumps into the right direction, thats the only luck component."

this is why luck is a large component

Sanders
06.27.12
So glad that Ronaldo was denied his penalty. There are few people I've never met that I hate more

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
you have met ronaldo? xD

now serious: tommorow germany vs. italy. i hope we win and can have our revenge with both italy and later spain. it about damn time.

Dreamflight
06.27.12
Fuck this, but for what it's worth Portugal left this Euro Cup head high and proud.

Its immoral if Ronaldo doesn't win the ballon d'or this year.

Sanders
06.27.12
I did specify that I hadn't, his twattishness transcends personal interaction

thumbcrusher
06.27.12
nani should have just let bruno alves take the third one, alves was clearly nervous enough already

Oblivioncry
06.27.12
ah my bad, its late and the game dulled my mind.

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12
Ronaldo bottled it. He should have taken the first penalty. Your best penalty takers have to go first.

Shuyin
06.27.12
'spain deserved to win'

No.

MalleusMaleficarum
06.27.12
how can you just not allow Renaldo to shoot? lol wow

for that, Portugal deserves to be ousted

Dave de Sylvia
06.27.12

"nani should have just let bruno alves take the third one, alves was clearly nervous enough already"

He wasn't allowed. Nani was designated #3 and he had to take it.

TheNotrap
06.27.12
Well life goes on...it's hard to beat Spain...Portugal did a good euro though.

MalleusMaleficarum
06.27.12
Ronaldo*

henryChinaski
06.27.12
booooooooooooring

Sanders
06.27.12
Ronaldo was clearly going for the glory pen, serves him right if that's the case

jefflebowski
06.27.12
ramos has some serious nerve

thumbcrusher
06.27.12
oh, didn't realise they had to go in an official order

Adabelle
06.27.12
Devastated for Bruno :'(

Fortheloveofmusic
06.27.12
Luck is a tiny part of a shootout. It's a mindgame. Reading the shooters body language can give major hints as to where they are going to shoot. Also as a keeper, there are many things you can do to distract the shooter (that are more effective than Joe Hart's antics).

As for shooting, it's not unlucky if you don't get it on target. There might be other factors, but not luck.

jefflebowski
06.27.12
either way, glad spain won, pepe is a top dickhead

Voivod
06.27.12
Spain deserved to qualify for the finals, although Portugal lies just one step before perfection...

Adabelle
06.27.12
Fortheloveoff, you're running away with the fantasy football league. Plus you're up against someoen with just 3 players still in the competition, so you're set for another three points there. Even my tactical Portuguese over-load left me with as many points as you. Plus we both have Barzagli, Abate and Pirlo :|

Aids
06.27.12
I cant believe Ronaldo didn't even get to take one hahahahaha too good

AngelofDeath
06.27.12
Ronaldo deserves every ounce of blame and guilt for this, especially after skying three or four good scoring opportunities.

TheMoreira
06.27.12
Such an injustice. SUCH AN INJUSTICE. Best cup for Portugal since 2004.

Muito orgulho na nossa malta, deu gosto ver. VIVA PORTUGAL

Dolving999
06.27.12
That was unfair, and I don't tend to say those words lightly.
If you paid good attention to the game, it was like the portuguese read the minds of the spanish, they would antecipate any tricky pass. And don't get me started on the missed opportunities...

Anyway... 11 POR TODOS, TODOS POR 11! ORGULHO EM SER TUGA!!!

TheMoreira
06.27.12
Dolving, consider yourself brofisted.

Shuyin
06.27.12
ah tugas :p

Shuyin
06.27.12
dude, you avatar is giant vagina.

that speaks for itself, now stfu.

TheMoreira
06.27.12
Ahem... Shuyin's people are pretty nice people. You should try being a bit more like us btw.

Shuyin
06.27.12
m/

fish.
06.28.12
I've climbed up higher and higher on the fantasy football

JViney
06.28.12
Terrible game, but always fun to watch Ronaldo looking upset.

Sleaper
06.28.12
ronaldo you fucking poser. eat a dick. FABREGAS MY MAN!!!!

Oblivioncry
06.28.12
shall we make this Germany vs. Italy blog or is a new one going to go up anytime soon?

fish.
06.28.12
Come on Germany

Oblivioncry
06.28.12
NOOO WHAT THE FUCK GERMANY WTF WTFFFFFFFF

rockandmetaljunkie
06.28.12
Balotelli is one of the very few footballers I truly despise.

Adabelle
06.28.12
Hey guys, got Balotelli captain on the fantasy football...

fish.
06.28.12
I fucking hate you.

My dream team is fucked. Have absolutely no Italians. Fuuuuck, how can you actually have /expected/ Balotelli to do well?

Fucking Italians fucking hate them so much more with every match ugh

Shuyin
06.28.12
GO ITALY!

fish.
06.28.12
Why do so many neutrals love Italy?


Shuyin
06.28.12
germany won over Portugal in the first game so its obvious.



fish.
06.28.12
No offence but that's a really dumb reason to support a team

Shuyin
06.28.12
not really, the germans won over us, now we want them to lose.


and spain too... specially spain.

rockandmetaljunkie
06.28.12
Buffon has made a tremendous match thus far. He reminds us why he used to be one of the best keepers in the world.

AngelofDeath
06.28.12
If you really want Spain to lose, I wouldn't be rooting for Italy.

fish.
06.28.12
Well of course other teams are gonna want to win over your own teams.

Really can't stand Italian football.

fish.
06.28.12
Yes Ozil.

Wow, if Germany equalise now...

fish.
06.28.12
Final will be boring as fuck then

TheNotrap
06.28.12
Pirlo did a great match.

phishing
06.28.12
yeah Pirlo is out of this world

Dreamflight
06.28.12
"If you really want Spain to lose, I wouldn't be rooting for Italy."

Dude Pirlo and Motta will fuck that spanish middlefield.

I'll be supporting La Squadra Azzurra too, they were always one of my favs.

fish.
06.28.12
"I'll be supporting La Squadra Azzurra too, they were always one of my favs. "
No one has really explained this to me yet

phishing
06.28.12
i mean criticise catenaccio all you want but it's what wins matches

you can't help admire italy i mean they outplayed a fantastic german team and made them look distinctly average

Adabelle
06.28.12
"My dream team is fucked. Have absolutely no Italians. Fuuuuck, how can you actually have /expected/ Balotelli to do well?"

Lol, had Ronaldo captain yesterday, that didn't turn out so great. I was more worried about the fact that my squad was 6 Portuguese and 4 Italian (plus 2 Spanish and 3 German). Worth the gamble haha

Adabelle
06.28.12
Love watching Italy play, so much more enjoyable than watching Spain or Germany.

Dreamflight
06.28.12
"No one has really explained this to me yet"

You want me to explain why I support a team? :P

porch
06.28.12
anarchistfish whining as usual

italy were great

lucazade22
06.29.12
GET INNNNNNNNNN

Fortheloveofmusic
06.29.12
Really hope Italy go backfire the 3-5-2 for the final. The group game against with that formation was the game of the tournament for me.

And I would really have to screw up to not win the fantasy league now.


fish.
06.29.12
@Fortheloveofmusic
My last h2h is against you. I will dethrone you (not)

"You want me to explain why I support a team? :P"
I want to know why so many neutrals support Italy


Dreamflight
06.29.12
Speaking for myself, I have always supported the Squadra, in fact both Brazil and Italy were always the teams that I supported whenever Portugal is out. I guess it's because the first final I've watched was back in 1994 Brazil vs Italy. I have soft spot for Netherlands too.

barcafan21
06.30.12
can anyone really argue that ronaldo is the best player in the world anymore?

ApplicationToHeaven
07.30.12
how much

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