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23.24: p.s. if at any point I came across as a less gay or less Irish alternative to Graham Norton, that wasn’t my intention. I apologise.

23.22: Has all this been worth it? Has it fuck. Next year I’m going and getting stoned. Goodnight!

23.21: And Azerbaijan win by a mile. Decent song to be honest.

23.14: As suspected, 12 from Ireland to the singers who looked the most like Jedward.

23.13: 6 for the UK from Ireland. Take that!

23.12: Oh fuck off Mooney.

23.08: Despite a spirited bolt from Italy, Azerbaijan are walking it.

23.03: Fucked over by the French again. The hand of Henry was at work in this.

22.59: Fuck this.

22.56: No points exchanged between Turkey and Greece. Grudge.

22.50: Got my lipstick on, here I come, da da da…

22.47: Sweden!

22.46: Haha they gave 12 to Lithuania. It’s a badly-kept secret that Polish people listen to shit music, usually out of their cars.

22.45: Only one from Poland. We give you jobs and this is the thanks we get? OVER.

22.44: Yes Denmark, YES!

22.43: I’ve always loved the UK.

22.42: Seriously UK… if you don’t give Jedward 12 we are OVER.

22.41: Sweden? Really?

22.37: Seems the eastern European states aren’t huge Jedward fans. We should never have let them join.

22.25: Why is Stefan Raab… I mean just why is he even?

22.24: I think the lines are still open. I don’t know. You might still have time to vote for Jedward.

22.13: The lines are closed! I think. Did anyone vote?

22.12: Turns out the Romanian singer was from England. Explains why their song was shit and not Moldova-level awesomeness.

22.01: Lena also getting a big reaction, but it’s more of a “we know that was shit but she’s ours” kind of cheer.

21.58: Big pop from the crowd there for Jedward. Love you John and Edward!!

21.56: Well that’s the end of that. Now the only part anyone cares about: the voting.

21.55: Mike Shinoda’s verse really adds something to this one.

21.54: Georgia appears to have come dressed for a laser tag battle. Competitive.

21.52: That’s actually pretty good if you don’t have epilepsy.

21.49: Serbia. Dusty Springfield? Never let be said that white, pink and orange don’t go together in concentric circle patterns.

21.47: My prediction of dozens of Evanescence songs hasn’t come off. I guess they all got eliminated in the semis.

21.44: Some Polish bloke said hello to me on the walk back from the offie. Eurovision truly does bring Europeans closer together.

21.43: Lol Spain, just give up.

21.36: Oh, Iceland. This is a touching story. Watch it.

21.35: I need a drink. This may account for a break in updates.

21.33: Kelly Clarkson has rebounded well from those two car crashes she was in. Her records, not actual car crashes.

21.31: Slovenia. Which one is that again?

21.28: This is a properly-arranged, well-written, genuinely good pop song. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT FROM MY EUROVISION.

21.27: Azerbaijan are always good for a laugh.

21.24: Alright this is shit so I’ll take a moment out: what are your favourites so far? General impressions?

Seems to be a bad year so far – a lot of earnest, boring songs, but very little that’s either memorable or batshit insane.

21.23: Did she just begin with the opening line of the song from the Bodyguard? Blatant, Austria. Blatant.

21.22: Jesus Christ, bring France back. Anything but this.

21.21: “I can’t change the world at all.” Lazy, lacking in ambition, stupid trousers. Next.

21.20: Romania is basically a big Moldova so this should be awesome.

21.17: Did she forget to pack a song this year? Dusseldorf letting out a clear “we can’t afford this next year!” call to Europe.

21.16: Lena was great as Tony’s sister in Skins too. Versatile performer.

21.15: Germany up next with defending winner and bona fide CUTIE Lena.

21.14: This is the greatest thing ever.

21.13: Whip it!

21.12: Oh look! Unicycle earhorn conehead girls – a fairly regular occurrence at Eurovision, sadly.

21.11: What this contest really needs is a load of Moldavian coneheads doing two-tone ska. Fat chance.

21.09: Let’s take a moment to forget about this monstrosity and reflect on JEDWARD.

21.08: “I Can.” Good to see the boys trying to convince themselves they can do better than this. Never gonna happen though.

21.07: Yes, it’s Blue! The UK have found a whole new way to finish in the bottom 5.

21.04: I always knew the Swiss were ukelele fanciers.

20.59: The Italian Harry Conick Jr. has got something about him.

20.58: It’s not as if giving up would be completely outside of the national character. Just sayin’.

20.57: Look, you pulled off ‘La Marseillaise’ somehow. Just admit you got lucky and give up.

20.56: Dear France, please decline your invitation next year. Love, Dave.

20.55: That is a beautiful sunset, though, it has to be said. Which is just as well because the music is shit.

20.54: Remember what I said about France being shit at music? Warned you.

20.53: France. They’re shit at music. Next.

20.51: Rick Astley? Nah too easy.

20.50: Trying to put my finger on Russia. Not Bros. Not New Kids on the Block. Take That?

20.49: In Soviet Russia, Eurovision shits on you.

20.47: Xabi Alonso is a great addition to the Greek side to be fair.

20.46: This is a more accurate representation of New York City. Gangster.

20.45: Never fear, the Greeks are here to be reckless and more physically attractive than you.

20.44: No seriously, everything about this is shit. The first true disaster of the night, to be fair.

20.43: No expense spared on Manhattan’s skyline.

20.41: Estonia – culturally closer to Finland than the other Baltic states. So expect more sex pest eyes.

20.39: I will be popular, I will be popular, something something GLEE.

20.38: Swedes – immediately identifiable anywhere in the world by their fusion of eyeliner, ’80s rock and Max Martin.

20.37: There is something oddly graceful about how uncoordinated their methodically coordinated dancing is. Even the high 5s miss.

I <3 YOU JOHN AND EDWARD

20.36: In case you were wondering… Jedward confirmed this week that they like girls.

20.35: Look at them move… like a pair of demented sparrows.

20.34: Ahhhhh Jedward!!

20.32: She’s missed roughly 90% of her high notes. Which means she has a 90% chance of winning the thing. Luckily Jedward are next…

20.29: Hungary next… and the montage is of a food market. You have to hand it to them: incredible use of homonyms.

20.28: I think the best thing I can say about Lithuania is that this is better than their football team have ever done.

20.27: I have a feeling this won’t be the first Evanescence-inspired act of the night. Premonition.

20.25: Did he just kiss the mic? Hope somebody wipes it off.

20.23: At this rate there’ll be at least 8 acts with Jedward hair before the end of the night.

20.22: These guys are like a harder rocking version of My Chemical Romance.

20.21: Denmark now. “A Friend in London.” Don’t fuck with these guys: they’ve toured Canada.

20.20: This is epic. Just give this guy the gong now. “You’re mo!” or whatever he’s singing. Today, we’re all mo.

20.17: Bosnia & Herzegovina now. Breaking down that whole “every eastern European band has an old guy and sounds like Gogol Bordello” stereotype. About time.

20.13: Finland up first. James Blunt’s cousin has date sex pest eyes. Halp.

20.10 GMT: Oh God, it’s starting. Why did I decide to do this? Does this anyone care? Refresh the page for updates.





Sanders
05.14.11
This is a genius idea. It's just not quite the same without Terry Wogan though.

AliW1993
05.14.11
I care...

Fabulous annual comedy

Sanders
05.14.11
Also, I'm not sure who I feel sorry for most. You, with those cretinous twins, or us, with our decade-too-late boyband...

AliW1993
05.14.11
What song did the Danish entry rip-off? It's really bugging me...

BathoryHordes
05.14.11
No black metal in Eurovision = faggotry and homosexuality and gheyness

IsItLuck?
05.14.11
where epic sax guy was born http://pds20.egloos.com/pds/201007/22/35/epicsax.swf

fish.
05.14.11
This is the worst thing on TV that for some reason I can't turn off.

fish.
05.14.11
If the UK really wanted to win eurovision, why don't they just put forward Muse?!
Hysteria will blow their tiny minds.

FromDaHood
05.14.11
Eurovision 2008 will never be topped.

Sanders
05.14.11
I'm still reeling from a decade ago from the genius that was Gina G.

fish.
05.14.11
Eurovision 2007 will never be topped.

Sanders
05.14.11
Holy fuck. The Greek rapper sounds constantly on the cusp of orgasm...

AliW1993
05.14.11
The Greek rapper has me in creases

CelestialDust
05.14.11
lol xabi alonso, excellent idea for a blog post!

fish.
05.14.11
This sucks. Like, usually in a eurovision you have at least 4 or 5 insane performances and it makes it worth it. But they've gone all serious on us.

Oh look it's France, my /other/ nationality.

theacademy
05.14.11
what is with these 20 ocklocks?!

Kris.
05.14.11
its teh goddamn euros bro
hey guys lrn2time gawd

MURICA

CelestialDust
05.14.11
well... i guess france is the best of the worst so far.... guys got a good voice

fish.
05.14.11
lol@usa complaining about how other countries measure time

MONTH/DAY/YEAR FUCK YEAH

CelestialDust
05.14.11
alright, italy wins for having a bari sax on stage

fish.
05.14.11
My patience just paid off.
yessss moldova

AliW1993
05.14.11
Oh my god Moldova was fucking epic

Dunno what the person who wrote that has been taking... but I'd like some.

fish.
05.14.11
It can never outdo ukraine 2007 though :(

theacademy
05.14.11
@kris i lulled

Sanders
05.14.11
I missed Moldova, fuck. Greece is still my favourite so far.

fish.
05.14.11
Is azerbaijan even in europe?

AliW1993
05.14.11
look up moldova... you wont be disappointed

someguest
05.14.11
what is this

fish.
05.14.11
Russia has about 1/3 of itself in europe but it's the bit with all the big cities. Azerbaijain is all in Asia, as is Israel and most of Turkey. And Georgia.
But yet they're still in eurovision.

This is disappointing, only one insane perfomance this year.

But if France is the favourite to win, I'll have to conveniently go find my French ID card.

Even though it sucked.

Sanders
05.14.11
Pretty sure Israel's in Asia, part of Egypt forms the land bridge between the 2 continents.

fish.
05.14.11
Israel's in the middle east.
The middle east is in Asia.

Sanders
05.14.11
"contemporary rock number". This is what we've been waiting for.

Kris.
05.14.11
did lena look cute
idgaf how she sang did she look good

thumbcrusher
05.14.11
"contemporary rock number". This is what we've been waiting for.

it's pretty, very cock rock

fish.
05.14.11
Georgia's is decent

Sanders
05.14.11
I don't want to live in a world where Jedward get to participate in an international singing competition. Looks like we're both living a nightmare.

AliW1993
05.14.11
voting for moldova... fuck yes

fish.
05.14.11
@Kris, fuck yes she did

Kris.
05.14.11
i may have a tiny crush

SOME DAY LENA YOU WILL BE MINE

Sanders
05.14.11
"Mike Shinoda’s verse really adds something to this one." My thoughts exactly.

theacademy
05.14.11
omg lena

fish.
05.14.11
Lena is like a good version of Cheryl Cole.

Also Moldova is by far the best.

Not even Romania, Serbia or Bosnia were crazy

theacademy
05.14.11
HEART

Kris.
05.14.11
fuck off academy

AliW1993
05.14.11
"This is the Eurovision song contest... you have just voted for Moldova."

Jom
05.14.11
Hahaha, this is awesome so far.

fish.
05.14.11
If some shitty immemorable pop song sung by men/lesbians in waistcoats wins again I'm gonna scream

CelestialDust
05.14.11
lordi is gonna win

fish.
05.14.11
Bulgaria gives 10 points to Greece. lolsurprised.

WAITWHAT

Sanders
05.14.11
Who the fuck gives Blue 12, I wouldn't, even if I could vote for them. COME ON MOLDOVA.

CelestialDust
05.14.11
some guy from denmark wants to fuck me

fish.
05.14.11
Azerbaijan are winning. What is this

fish.
05.14.11
Norway give 10 to Sweden and 12 to Finland. haha

Sanders
05.14.11
I am ashamed to live in the UK. 12 points to Ireland, and 8 to Moldova!? Injustice.

AliW1993
05.14.11
Proud to have contributed to the Moldova vote haha

CelestialDust
05.14.11
spain has got this

fish.
05.14.11
So everyone's voting for their neighbours, spain is doing shit and a crappy eastern european pop song is winning.
Nothing new here

fish.
05.14.11
MOLDOVA IS IN THE BOTTOM HALF WHAT
WHY

North0House2
05.14.11
That was so entertaining to read.

fish.
05.14.11
So a non-european country won eurovision. lol

Sanders
05.14.11
"p.s. if at any point I came across as a less gay or less Irish alternative to Graham Norton, that wasn’t my intention. I apologise."

Does that mean you intended to be a more gay and more Irish version of him?

DoubtGin
05.14.11
Turkey wasn't there, so I didn't watch it. But I'm glad Turkey² won.

fish.
05.14.11
Graham Norton tries too much to be Terry Wogan. This commentary was much better.

Kris.
05.15.11
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5b/HeArtEurovision2011.jpg


lol

thebhoy
05.15.11
I don't know what's going on but I still find this dialogue hilarious for some reason.

DaveyBoy
05.15.11
Thierry Henry was mentioned in a Eurovision round-up. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Spare
05.15.11
quite entertaining to read backwards

Captain North
05.15.11
I clicked this expecting a link or something, not to see the fucking winner at the top of the page. Goddammit, it hasn't aired in Australia yet. Starts in an hour.

fish.
05.15.11
Apparently the moldovan band opened at a festival for RATM in 1996.

kl

Spec
05.16.11
Although I lack understanding to what this is. It's awesome.

Damrod
05.16.11
It was actually kinda funny sitting in my favorite pub with a couple of friends and disturbing the whole thing all the time with uneducated Waldorf and Stettler comments. ;-)

I think Lena's song was really weak, and I can't really see why this whole country wanted her to go to D-Dorf with it. Most of the music was like always kinda shitty, but the show on stage was really entertaining this year. Not only, but also because of the giant video wall

Baphomet
05.16.11
You came up as a more gay and more Irish alternative to Graham Norton.

And for that I salute you.

Metalstyles
05.16.11
Yeah Moldova was by far the best but it was no surprise to me because they were represented by the same guys who represented Moldova in 2005 and then their song also ruled. I actually had the desire to youtube that song the next morning to terrorize my hungover and overly serious friends with it while enjoying it myself. Really, the song rules.

Ehh, Estonia's entry was once again terrible (we haven't had a good Eurovision song since goddamn 2003, if I exclude the lone 2009) and I didn't particularly care for the winner also, but hell, Eurovision is just one of those lovely cheesy programs that is fun to watch annually.

fish.
05.16.11
Ukraine 2007 is still the best eurovision entry ever. Hands down.

I don't remember Estonia's being bad. Italy's was terrible though; no idea how they came 2nd (probably cos it was their first time back in a while actually).

Denmark's was ok, Moldova's was brilliant and Georgia's was ok. Rest was just immemorable, This is definitely the worst year in the history of me watching it.

Nomad
05.16.11
I take your Ukranian 2007 entry and raise with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-fAe7SwdqE (obvious choice is obvious)

Overall this year was pretty meh, apart from Moldova and Lena's deliciousness

Sanders
05.16.11
I've never seen that ^ before. That has to be one of the best entries ever.

Nomad
05.16.11
Correction - one of the best THINGS ever

fish.
05.17.11
hmmmmmmm, close, but the Ukrainean one is still better.

fish.
05.17.11
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9rJLtz64Hg
2 3/4 million views says it all. And that isn't the only video.

starry
05.21.11
Good year for eurovision really. The Ukraine song was the most overrated, just depended on the sand art gimmick. Jedward gave a good performance but the song wasn't good.

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