| Sputnikmusic
 

So tonight was my first night online after going two weeks without the Internet.  I discovered that Gary Coleman died and then promptly forgot about that when I found out that Hayley Williams’ boobs had finally shown up online.  It is saddening that Gary Coleman will never get the chance to see them.

Anyway, I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.  So long, in fact, that I was beginning to think it would never happen.  Hayley Williams seemed unlikely to ever show up nude on the Internet, which is exactly the reason why I assumed she would eventually show up nude on the Internet.  But after Riot! was released and Paramore’s popularity spiked with nary a sight of Hayley’s nipples, I began to lose hope.  I shouldn’t have worried though; the Internet always comes through for us in the end.

Thanks Internet!

The picture itself is lackluster if we’re being honest.  The angle is horrible; it makes her breasts look small(er) because they’re flattened, and what’s up with that lighting?  It makes her look as if she’s a tween impersonating Hayley Williams rather than the real deal.  Also, her nose is really shiny.  And I don’t really like red lipstick.

How…disappointing.

I’m assuming that there were other nude pictures to choose from, so why did the hacker (if that’s truly what happened) pick that one?  Did Hayley offend him or her in some way?  Is this picture revenge, not only because it is potentially humiliating for a supposedly Christian Tennessee-native girl but also because it’s a bad picture?  I mean come on, she’s not even smiling!  Is that her sexy look?  It needs some work if it is.  She looks like she just woke up from a nap, all bleary-eyed and ready for a Swiss cake roll or something.  I know I should simply be grateful for the fact that the picture showed up in the first place, but I can’t see even the biggest Paramore fan being turned on by that picture.

Anyway I don’t see the big deal about nude pictures.  I guess I wouldn’t be thrilled about my naked body showing up on the Internet, but who really cares?  Hayley should be flattered!  The series of tubes has heaved a satisfied sigh and can now sleep soundly at night with the knowledge that her boobs are stored safely inside its vast network.  Besides, the days of everyone freaking out about nude pictures are pretty much over.  They’re just another part of Internet life now.  My point is, call me when the Hayley Williams sex tape surfaces.  For now, let’s all place bets on which male member of Paramore leaked the picture.  I’m betting it was Josh.

Wait'll you check your Twitter account. You won't be fucking smirking then, bitch.

In other news, there’s apparently a new William Control album out.  Hayley’s comforting mammary glands came just in time to shield me from wiL’s death rays of musical integrity.





mynameischan
05.29.10
boobs

Satellite
05.29.10
I'm satisfied with the picture. I get your point, though.

AND WFT GARY COLEMAN DIED?!

Emim
05.29.10
Ha ha ha ha ha

Satellite
05.29.10
*WTF

Bulldog
05.29.10
"She looks like she just woke up from a nap, all bleary-eyed and ready for a Swiss cake roll or something."

lol'd

Emim
05.29.10
Yeah, I couldn't believe that Gary died...

shrapnel
05.29.10
"It is saddening that Gary Coleman will never get the chance to see them."

it really is

tiesthatbind
05.29.10
Hahahaha, I knew he was gonna do a blog about this, well done, Chan.

KILL
05.29.10
gary coleman died omg wtf

JizzInMyPants
05.29.10
omg gary coleman died???

Ire
05.29.10
I lol'd.

Ire
05.29.10
gary coleman wtf : (

O.J. Simpson
05.29.10
the last sentence is the best part.

Mordecai.
05.29.10
Now i can't look at this photo without picturing Chan's shitbox face on her nipples

illmitch
05.29.10
she probably took the picture and accidentally sent it to twitter

sniper
05.29.10
The caption of the second picture is pretty funny.

DaveyBoy
05.29.10
Time for a Lord Worm review me thinks.

Ire
05.29.10
Yes

Jim
05.29.10
mmm look at those tasty chans

porch
05.29.10
gary coleman probably had better tits than hayley

IsItLuck?
05.29.10
So I randomly woke up this morning at 7am, hungover nonetheless, and as I'm laying in bed I go on twitter which leads me to this, and chan's photoshopped face cover her boobs. Awesome start to the day, thank you

TheyTookOurJobs
05.29.10
I feel bad about Gary now.... :(

Tits McGee
05.29.10
I agree with your criticism of the picture. It's honestly somewhat unattractive.

Skimaskcheck
05.29.10
the picture is a grower

Mr. Lizard
05.29.10
Picture is not secksy

theacademy
05.29.10
LOL at somebody entertaining the idea that there actually was a 'hacker' and she didnt just tweet the wrong pic from her bb. you kids are so naive.

mynameischan
05.29.10
i mean when she says "got hacked" she probably means someone took her phone and did that, not that someone actually hacked into her phone using tech skills and sent a pic of her tits to twitter.

EBTCardMania
05.29.10
Where's the bush

AngelofDeath
05.29.10
Yeah, I've assumed one of the two scenarios proposed by theacademy and Chan.

Baphomet
05.29.10
agree with chan... though some lonely skillful nerd in 4chan could have the tech skills. Be that as it may, we all should be thankful for the tits even when she looks crappy in pic.

Klekticist
05.29.10
lol'd at the last sentence.

JulesWin
05.29.10
"Also, her nose is really shiny. And I don’t really like red lipstick."

agreed

FadeToBlack
05.29.10
"though some lonely skillful nerd in 4chan"

while I'm not a 4chan-er, this stereotype isn't true at all. yes some are just tech nerds, but most are either fairly normal/druggies

Baphomet
05.29.10
I know, I just think among every 100 users there 99 are druggies adn 1 is a skillfull nerd... they've pulled off some interesting stuff in the past, and really one skillful nerd is all you need.

FadeToBlack
05.29.10
nah they're not all druggies. out of my 3 /b/tard friends, only 1 is a druggy ;)

but yeah picture is nasty

PanasonicYouth
05.29.10
[quote]In other news, there’s apparently a new William Control album out. Hayley’s comforting mammary glands came just in time to shield me from wiL’s death rays of musical integrity.[/quote]

PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA REVIEW IT

ziroth
05.29.10
totally agree

Nikkolae
05.29.10
" Hayley Williams seemed unlikely to ever show up nude on the Internet, which is exactly the reason why I assumed she would eventually show up nude on the Internet."

my thoughts exactly though i really thought it would never happpen, how glad am i to be wrong this time, but seriously review that will album when it comes out bro!

Prolapse
05.29.10
Boobies are always a nice thing

counterfeitson
05.29.10
Dont think that it is that big of a deal. Its just a nude pic.

Geist
05.30.10
Also, Dennis Hopper kicked the can.

Mordecai.
05.30.10
^^^
did that just happen?

Geist
05.30.10
Yup. An icon, gone. RIP.

Nikkolae
05.30.10
are you fucking kidding me? RIP Dennis Hopper : (

You need to be logged in to post a comment
Login | Register

FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy