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This might become a regular thing that I do but for now I want to take it slow and see how it goes.  I feel like most of the other staff members rarely read reviews on the site, but I read a lot of them and sometimes I’m shocked at the lack of basic grammar and punctuation skills displayed.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, a lot of reviews lack concrete ideas and are generally just poorly worded and expressed.  So I’ve picked a review that exemplifies those issues and I’m going to dissect it.  On the chopping block is Bulldog’s review of B.o.B.’s The Adventures of Bobby Ray.

Section #1: The Summary

The review hits its first snag in a very fundamental way:  the summary is horrible.  Ideally, this is the first (and sometimes only) thing that people will read when they look at your review.  It sums up your thoughts succinctly and gives the reader a good gauge of your opinion prior to diving into the meat of your writing.  Bulldog chose this to do that:

“Alternative hip-hop for the masses.  But above all, this is really a concrete testament to the diversity in, and morphability of, hip-hop…or is it?”

First of all, “morphability” is not a word.  No discussion.  It does not exist.  Google it and you will find a bunch of websites talking about the “morph ability” in Dungeons and Dragons.  This is actually a fairly common mistake.  People will invent a word and dismiss that red squiggly line that appears under it and assume that no one will notice.  If you’ve ever seen the word “genericism” in a Sputnikmusic review (and you have), then hopefully the little Grammar Nazi inside of you did a double-take.

"Should have used the morph ability. YYEEAHHH."

The general point he makes in the summary is a good one.  He says that the album is a good example of how hip-hop is not one-dimensional; many different elements can be incorporated into it while still staying true to the spirit of hip-hop.  But then he gets to the clincher:  “…or is it?” Really?  There is no place for that in a review.  If you wrote an essay for a college class, would your thesis statement contain that?  “George Washington was a fantastic military leader…OR WAS HE???” Review summaries should be thought of as thesis statements, not an M. Night Shyamalan film.

Section #2:  The Intro

“It’s been long overdue. Seeing as B.o.B generated some serious hype in ‘08, he’s been due to explode for quite awhile now. A solid all around artist, B.o.B is not only a rapper and a singer, but a multi-instrumentalist and mixer. After a postponement that spanned the course of five months, his debut album is here. After being exalted by several of my school’s senior sh*tty music correspondents, I expected this to be just another sappy, multi-platinum, radio-rap release. Boy, was I dead wrong. B.o.B. is, essentially, the mainstream’s one man version of The Roots. Needless to say, he’s not as good, less thoughtful, and more pop-influenced, but the comparison stands to serve.”

The first sentence is unnecessary.  There’s nothing wrong with writing a short sentence and then expounding upon it in a longer subsequent sentence, but he might as well have said, “It’s been long overdue.  Seeing as B.o.B generated some serious hype in ‘08, it’s been long overdue.” It’s simply redundant.  Bulldog then makes a mistake that will go on to plague the review:  he elevates himself above the average hip-hop listener.  People at his school have heard B.o.B.?  He must suck then!  Bulldog is then wholly surprised by the fact that someone other than himself was right about a hip-hop artist being good.  Elitism is inescapable on a music website, but this is inexcusable.  Instead of realizing that he was the one with egg on his face, he downplays the fact that his expectations were wrong by saying, “Ah well, those guys are shit anyway.”  Comparing him to The Roots is good, but Bulldog makes the comparison essentially worthless in the next sentence by saying that he is actually not like The Roots that much at all.  Also, anyone who’s listened to both artists will realize that comparisons are basically nonexistent except for the fact that they’re both black.

Section #3:  The Body (get through this one without slapping your forehead, I dare ya)

Despite being a newbie under the southern regime that employ crunk, snap rap, and pop-hop as the triad of platinum-driving subgenres, B.o.B. is really unique considering what region he hails from. If first impressions counted for anything, one would believe this is a techno-influenced, alternative hip-hop album in the lieu of Kid Cudi. After all, the cover artwork screams out “thoughtful” and “electronica” amongst other things, and the first song, “Don’t Let Me Fall,” is sci-fi pop with tinges of acoustic rock. But that’s not right at all. The next track, “Nothin’ On You,” displays strong R&B influences. Still not right, let’s skim through some more. “Past My Shades” is infused with bouncy, bluesy soul, “Airplanes” is tinged with emotional pop, and “Bet I” is your typical southern beat fare, pumped full of heavy electronics and bumping bass . I don’t know if B.o.B was just trying to craft a musical portfolio with a diverse blend of sounds and styles, but this album seems to weigh itself down with an identity crisis. Despite being instrumentally good, the overall musical aspect is sporadic and shapeshifting, and that makes for an uncomfortable, less-than-flawless album flow.

So what common themes does it have? B.o.B. delivers some some good lyrics that is essentially a combination of smarts, feelings, and pop sensibilities. Regardless of the fact that his lyrics incorporate hulking pop elements, they’re still deep. (Well, that is, with taking into account the standards of the mainstream.) However, B.o.B. does a great job of portraying himself as a hipster. Regardless of whether or not he actually is, his donning of sleek, modernist glasses in the video for “Nothin’ On You” and casual wielding of guitars in multiple photographs, compliment his hipster look so well, it’s disturbing. But I digress. Along with his indie-like image, he has a knack for creating pop appeal. With guests like Hayley Williams, Eminem, and Rivers Cuomo (of Weezer) representing his pop sensibilities, and guests like Lupe Fiasco representing his ‘alternative’ side, it’s clear that B.o.B. has the best of both worlds.

Oh, Bulldog.

Snap rap?  Pop-hop?  Those terms are okay within the right context (a.k.a. if you acknowledge their stupidity and non-existence), but he claims they are legitimate sub-genres.  Also, the album cover apparently “screams ‘thoughtful’ and ‘electronica’ amongst other things.”  One can only hope that “other things” refers to “not those previous two in the slightest.”

Pictured: thoughtful and electronica

If you made it through both paragraphs without falling asleep, you’ll see that he goes on to describe B.o.B as everything from “pop” to “alternative” to “indie,” pin-balling from word to word without any purpose or reason, stuffing each paragraph full of musical jargon that he hopes will join together to create a review.  He describes the album’s flow as “less-than-flawless” (an awkward descriptor of its own), but at least it doesn’t flow as horribly as his writing.  Perhaps the worst thing about the body of the review is his use of the word “hipster,” which apparently is anyone who “casually wields a guitar” or wears glasses.

The real problem with the bulk of the review is that Bulldog never really states an opinion.  Go ahead, read through those paragraphs again.  Can you tell if Bulldog actually likes the album or not?  Nope, because he never says anything concrete.  Granted, the rating at the top of the page is a “3,” which is the sort of middle-ground rating for an album that isn’t bad but also isn’t memorable enough to warrant a higher rating.  In that regard, the review succeeds.  He never really says anything bad about the album (except that the flow isn’t so great), and he never states that anything about the album is all that great either.  But isn’t that lazy?  His opinions are barely even opinions; he just states things about the album and what B.o.B looks like in promo photos.  He tells us that there is a slew of guest appearances on the record but he never says whether or not they’re any good.  If you read his review without any prior knowledge of B.o.B, then you’d probably scratch your head and say, “Well jeez, is the album worth getting or not?”

The basic point of a review is to let people know whether or not the album in question is worth their time.  Instead, Bulldog simply states arbitrary facts about the artist and a few of the songs.  The second paragraph starts off well, with Bulldog telling you that you’re in for a few sentences about the album’s themes.  But wait.  Smarts?  Feelings?  Pop sensibilities?  If you asked me what an album’s primary theme was and I told you “feelings,” you would probably take off your leather glove and slap me with it.  His main point seems to be that B.o.B is deeper and better than the Southern scene from which he came, but he still holds the rapper to the standards of that scene.  It’s a common sense issue that often slips through the cracks.

Section #4: The Conclusion

The conclusion is what lazy people will read to know whether or not the album is worth their time (which, remember, is the point of the review in the first place).  Knowing that, what the fuck is this?:

“He sings (well, and without autotune, thank you very much,) he plays (multiple instruments) and he raps (in a literate, barely uptempo fashion.) B.o.B. is your go-to one man band. Unhindered by the trifecta of plagues that beleaguers the image of the south. In a region that reeks of amateurism, materialism, and unoriginality, B.o.B. is something fresh, original, and talented. I was impressed by his debut, and can only hope he expounds on the potential he displays on …The Adventures of Bobby Ray

Bafflingly, he somehow forgot to put a period at the end of the last sentence (perhaps he needed an extra one for that ellipse he puts in front of the album title which, by the way, should not actually be there).  Even more bafflingly, there’s a goddamn fragment in that paragraph.  Only the most inane of writers will let a fragment slip past their proofreading abilities.  This is the same user who tried to write 30 reviews in 30 days.  Perhaps he should take a cue from Josh Hartnett and attempt to keep himself from having sex for 30 days instead; I’m sure he’d be much more successful with that.

Final Review Grade: D+

It’s good for a first review.  He shows potential and with a bit of polishing, I have no doubt that he…wait a minute.  He’s written 87 of these damn things?  And this B.o.B review is from a week ago?  Dear lord.

JesusDeEspana (1:48:21 AM): do jewish cannibals only eat other jews
GDandBlinkfan76 (2:05:41 AM): i dont know




mynameischan
05.04.10
hayo

Mordecai.
05.04.10
aww yeah

Romulus
05.04.10
George Washington was a fantastic military leader…OR WAS HE???



SeaAnemone
05.04.10
it's 40 days and 40 nights. not 30

Romulus
05.04.10
I meant to say like I enjoyed that joke or something not just quote that back.

mynameischan
05.04.10
i know it's 40 days but that doesn't really fit now does it

plane
05.04.10
One can only hope that “other things” refers to “not those previous two in the slightest.”

Athom
05.04.10
So I finally got around to checking out My Kappa Roots and OH MY GOD! I know this has nothing to do with you, bulldog, or your critique, but it must be said. Lates.

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
well that's just dumb. but ok. this is gonna be a hit.

Deviant.
05.04.10
This will end in tears

Jom
05.04.10
Hahahahahaha. "Also, anyone who’s listened to both artists will realize that comparisons are basically nonexistent except for the fact that they’re both black." refl

JWT155
05.04.10
Album rules... review not so much.

Powerban
05.04.10
agree with this. i still suck at reviewing though.

somberlain
05.04.10
this is fucking brilliant Chan!
you need to review more reviews, this might be your best blog yet

sniper
05.04.10
"f you asked me what an album’s primary theme was and I told you “feelings,” you would probably take off your leather glove and slap me with it."

I laughed pretty hard at that.

Curse.
05.04.10
I must be a hipster, as I wear glasses. Rectangle ones, no less

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
Bulldog is gonna be the next JackFr after this

BigTuna
05.04.10
this is pretty cruel

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
LMAO this is gold.

TheSpirit
05.04.10
Holy shit you just dropped a brilliance bomb on all of us

DiceMan
05.04.10
This was quite necessary.

BigTuna
05.04.10
why do people think this is funny?

klap
05.04.10
bulldog's habit of restricting everything by regional genres is annoying

sniper
05.04.10
I actually kinda think this is fucked up to do a guy who is obviously just trying to contribute reviews to an amateur review site. It would have been better if there was at least more than one victim.

Athom
05.04.10
"why do people think this is funny?" because chan can at times have a very humorous writing style.

Romulus
05.04.10
The blog itself is really funny but sniper's got a point

Athom
05.04.10
if he does more it's cool, if it's just him than that's a wee bit mean spirited. either way

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
as cruel as this is, Bulldog is putting himself up for criticism when he posts reviews to the site, isn't he? All the complaints are warranted, and chan's writing really reached new levels of hilarity here I thought.

BigTuna
05.04.10
it's mean-spirited even if he does more

mynameischan
05.04.10
oh yeah that's another thing

you guys seem to be opposed to critiquing. 'constructive criticism' doesn't mean putting on the kid gloves and telling people that they're doing a great job except for one or two areas. that's what your kindergarten teacher was paid to do. come on, we're all grownups now and should be able to take a bit of criticism.

Slipping Away
05.04.10
great stuff, you should do this for more reviews

mynameischan
05.04.10
also cry about it

BigTuna
05.04.10
He's putting himself up for criticism, but chan can email him a critique instead of publicizing it for all of Sputnik to see. And it's humour entirely reliant on deprecating Bulldog.

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
Bravo.

sniper
05.04.10
It was a really funny read, but it's the kind of funny where you feel guilty afterwards. Not saying Bulldog is the best reviewer ever, but he's a cool enough dude, and he certainly gets more than his fair share of criticism already.

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
yeah seriously to chan's criticism thing. I hate when people get scolded for a critique. they're doing a goddam favor. especially when it's to me... I WANT to become a better writer... and that's gonna happen a lot easier if people kindly critique my reviews or give me advice rather than a blind pos. There's definitely a stigma growing against constructive criticism, people take it personally.

mynameischan
05.04.10
watch out bigtuna you might be next

BigTuna
05.04.10
not opposed to critiquing, just public humiliation

illmitch
05.04.10
lmao

Athom
05.04.10
left over carnitas tacos or should i make some pasta?

Deviant.
05.04.10
What's with the inserted pic, and why does it look like a scrubbed up Napoleon Dynamite?

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
that's him.

BigTuna
05.04.10
don't give a shit chan

BigTuna
05.04.10
pasta

kitsch
05.04.10
hopefully bulldog will leave now

VicariousIntent
05.04.10
Obligatory comment about how I'm going to review something again eventually.

Deviant.
05.04.10
"that's him."

Not what I was expecting

Klekticist
05.04.10
...and the collective quality of the site's reviews goes up...
hopefully.

illmitch
05.04.10
im going to review something again eventually

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
don't say anything about him being white. there was a huge uprising in some bs list a while ago because I was surprised that he's white.

Satellite
05.04.10
Ahahaha... that first pic.

IsItLuck?
05.04.10
Jom's refl made me refl

kitsch
05.04.10
bulldog is too stupid to be white

...........

is racism not funny anymore? jw

Satellite
05.04.10
It was up until that post.

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
Many staff reviewers here at Sputnik always use a first-person point of view, which is a practice that can sometimes be taken to absurd levels. Reviews are evaluations of a product. So, providing a context is advisable or even necessary, but it is important to remember that the review is not about the reviewer -- it is about the album. "More than all of those things though, I never feel like The National are lying to me like other indie bands seem to, and that's why they're the best." Not hating, just giving an opinion.

iarescientists
05.04.10
pretty awes

Satellite
05.04.10
"Reviews are evaluations of a product"

No, they're evaluations of art, which is way more subjective imo.

mynameischan
05.04.10
nah it's ridiculous when people say things like "i was looking out my window at the lake. it was effervescent, shimmering in the sunset. gospel rules." i actually use first person perspective much less than other writers.

somberlain
05.04.10
"if he does more it's cool, if it's just him than that's a wee bit mean spirited"

It was a bit mean spirited

somberlain
05.04.10
OR WAS IT?

focksy
05.04.10
Elitism is inescapable on a music website, but this is inexcusable. Perhaps the worst thing about the body of the review is his use of the word “hipster,” which apparently is anyone who “casually wields a guitar” or wears glasses. Knowing that, what the fuck is this?:
CHANNING FREEMAN

kitsch
05.04.10
the lines between art and product have been blurred ever since post-modernism

mynameischan
05.04.10
i mean if anyone wants to review my reviews, go for it. it won't look as pretty as this but hey it's worth a shot right

kitsch
05.04.10
if i review one of your review will you post a review of my review or your review on your next installment of reviewing reviews?

Satellite
05.04.10
"the lines between art and product have been blurred ever since post-modernism"

Yeah, but for the most part what's being reviewed sits comfortably on the "art" side of that blurry line.

kitsch
05.04.10
fuck so many typos

if i review one of your reviews will you post a review of my review of your review on your next installment of reviewing reviews?

kitsch
05.04.10
the blurring lines imply more of a duality of product and art rather than two distinct categories

but are u srsly saying that BoB is art

illmitch
05.04.10
chan youve inspired me to break out of my slump and write a review

hope ur proud

kitsch
05.04.10
u should review my bands demo

were a fart-core band

mynameischan
05.04.10
if nothing else at least the album cover is art

Satellite
05.04.10
Guhh I think you missed my point. Basically all art = products, but for the most part that doesn't really negate its value (and there are shitloads of obvious exceptions) and thus really shouldn't affect the way one consumes and/or reviews it.

B.o.B is the motherfucking epitome of art.

Zizzer
05.04.10
I have mixed feelings on this lol. I kind of agree that this was a bit harsh. While it was funny and helpful advice to the reviewer and everyone else seeking to write reviews, it was a bit meaner and more humiliating that it needed to be. That being said, I don't know the situation and it seems like he's writing poor reviews like this out of control so maybe I'm wrong.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
*checks own reviews, wondering if they're good enough*

thebhoy
05.04.10
This makes me want to actually edit my reviews before I post them, to fix all of my terrible grammar mistakes and stupid typos.... but nahhhhh

theacademy
05.04.10
ha and this is one of his better reviews. i didn't even neg it...

Poet
05.04.10
loooooooooool this is so awesome Chan.

iarescientists
05.04.10
hey guys come join my new website http://www.sputnikmusicreviewsreviews.com

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
slightly unwarranted, but funny and well-written nonetheless

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
It may have been a little harsh, but honestly, what Chan did here is what any reviewer should be doing mentally before they submit their review: going through their review and seeing if it reads well.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
^123 @ tiesthatbind's comment

theacademy
05.04.10
Anecdote the First:

Bulldog is new to the site, and posts a review of the most recent 50 Cent album (it was released on iTunes the Friday before it's official release, without much promotion, so his was the first to go up). In typical Bulldog fashion, it was a glowing review with a 3.0 rating. I proceed to give the kid a few hints, but he keeps missing the points I was making. Putting off a paper I was working on, I actually copy pasted his review, re-wrote it in his voice, with correct grammar, posted it with a link that said it was his, and not mine (since I didn't ask for his email or anything). Redsky reported it for being posted before the official release, so It got taken down. When I asked him if he wanted me to email him, he said something along the lines of 'no thanks. i didn't like what I said about the album.' I got a B on that paper, fucking asshole.

kitsch
05.04.10
"Guhh I think you missed my point. Basically all art = products, but for the most part that doesn't really negate its value (and there are shitloads of obvious exceptions) and thus really shouldn't affect the way one consumes and/or reviews it."

i dont think the mona lisa is a product.
art can be commodified, yes.
it really comes down to the intent of creation, which is impossible to discern.
was this album made as a medium of expression?
or was its aim to make money?
probably both.
hence why the line is blurry and this is both a product and art.

Tulannical
05.04.10
bulldog's gonna leave the site now

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
^wow

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
@academy's post...

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
he was already planning on leaving quietly after 100 reviews

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"No, they're evaluations of art, which is way more subjective imo." The definition of art itself is murky. Satellite, would you agree that all music is art, or that video-games are art? Reviewing does not imply the inclusion of superfluous information about the narrator's feelings towards the material being reviewed. Many sites even have as policy to not use a first-person point of view.

theacademy
05.04.10
Anecdote the 2nd:

"Court will resume on March, 13th, as Justice Ginsburg was rushed to Georgetown University Hospital Center for precautionary reasons. He is expected to stay there for two nights and a day, or until cleared medically."

-from his lil wayne review, as originally posted

mynameischan
05.04.10
those 100 reviews should be subsequently deleted then

kitsch
05.04.10
my posts are art

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
TBH, If I was bulldog, and I saw this....I would have no fuckin idea what to do...

kitsch
05.04.10
TBH if i were you and i just posted that.... id think before i typed

Satellite
05.04.10
kitsch I basically agree with what you just said, but I was referring to modern art. And OF COURSE just about every album is made for both expressive and monetary purposes. My point was that there's usually no reason for that fact to come into play when analyzing it, unless its commercialism (or in some rare cases [BTMI] lack thereof) blatantly affects the overall product.

kitsch
05.04.10
who is that photoshopped into the DD pic

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
bulldog

kitsch
05.04.10
LOLOLOLOL

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
...damn, lolz

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
thats what I said

kitsch
05.04.10
"kitsch I basically agree with what you just said, but I was referring to modern art. And OF COURSE just about every album is made for both expressive and monetary purposes. My point was that there's usually no reason for that fact to come into play when analyzing it, unless its commercialism (or in some rare cases [BTMI] lack thereof) blatantly affects the overall product."

ok then salvador dali's melting clock painting or w/e the fuck yr stoner friends have as a poster

anyway, i was basically proving the same point as you, if all music (that is mass produced and sold) is both product and art then its pointless to analyze whether or not its a product and judge it for being a product

mynameischan
05.04.10
this is a pretty highbrow discussion given the blog post

kitsch
05.04.10
yeah idk how we got onto actual intellectual discussion lets get back to bashing someone on the internet

VicariousIntent
05.04.10
Why is there an ability to change the size of the comment box? It's been distracting me for like ten minutes now.

Meatplow
05.04.10
bulldog is my favourite n00b

hopefully he will see this as constructive criticism and take it in good humour rather than get pissy and leave. at least I hope he does

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
yah, i'd hate to see someone leave like that

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
Bulldog is a cool dude, he was one of the two persons who read my first review, which I submitted about a week ago. How old is Bulldog, though? He looks like 15 in that picture.

Meatplow
05.04.10
16 I believe

kitsch
05.04.10
Pictured: thoughtful and electronica

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
110 comments in less than an hour. It seems we all were waiting eagerly for this.

shrapnel
05.04.10
damn! is this a regular thing? just wrote my 1st review and would hate to have it dissected like this for everyone to see

joshuatree
05.04.10
i lol'd many times but actually this wasn't mean-spirited enough

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
no, its a trial to see if it works

Satellite
05.04.10
"damn! is this a regular thing? just wrote my 1st review and would hate to have it dissected like this for everyone to see"

Read harder...

"It’s good for a first review. He shows potential and with a bit of polishing, I have no doubt that he…wait a minute. He’s written 87 of these damn things? And this B.o.B review is from a week ago? Dear lord."

mynameischan
05.04.10
the trial seems to have worked so i'll see what i can do

joshuatree
05.04.10
you should probably only do this to people who are glaringly oblivious and make no effort to get better writing-wise, and not to newbies just starting out, you probably know this but js anyways

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
I think Bulldog is a pretty cool guy. Eh hips hop and doesn't afraid of anything.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
"the trial seems to have worked so i'll see what i can do"

*uh-oh*


SeaAnemone
05.04.10
aka I'm next

mynameischan
05.04.10
what do you take me for cam

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
oh and atavan's post=win

shrapnel
05.04.10
"the trial seems to have worked so i'll see what i can do"

I'd say it worked, people are eating this up

Satellite
05.04.10
This could be the end of track-by-track reviews as we know it.

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
Chan wouldn't do this to a new user, it's because Bulldog has become notorious for writing so many hip-hop reviews and doing his 30 reviews in 30 days challenge.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
@satellite: yes, indeed. Thank god, I've finally broke the curse of the tbt

theacademy
05.04.10
SeaA wants tho be next sooo000oooo bad lol

kitsch
05.04.10
im going to write a tbt just to smite u chan

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
lmao @ Atavan's comment.

kitsch
05.04.10
and no its not spite
its smite

joshuatree
05.04.10
i just dont want bros gettin all scared yr gonna bully them or sumtin

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
Do this again, this is my favorite of the blogs and actually can inform people about writing reviews while being funny.

StrizzMatik
05.04.10
Pretty funny

joshuatree
05.04.10
aka do SeaAnemone next and fuck his shit up

shrapnel
05.04.10
"Do this again, this is my favorite of the blogs and actually can inform people about writing reviews while being funny"

yes, this needs to become a regular part of Sputnik

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
wait, what?

Satellite
05.04.10
ITT: Chan dick-riding reaches a new high.

kitsch
05.04.10
ya shi is gonn git fucked up yaheard

Athom
05.04.10
"Chan dick-riding reaches a new high." obviously you've never seen John Hanson's facebook page.

mynameischan
05.04.10
if i got half the man-action that this site purports, i'd be a lot less lonely

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
^lol @ redsky's post

Satellite
05.04.10
Hahahaha

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
Bulldog: "yo dog, keep writin them hippityhoppity reviews. youre good at it. peace out."

(in my shoutbox)

he just left guys no lies no lies.

Athom
05.04.10
:(

plane
05.04.10
chan baby i try but you are so distant

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
shit...

mynameischan
05.04.10
woops!

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
Bulldog can't be serious, wtf?

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
site just reached a new level of hostility

TheSpirit
05.04.10
It sucks that he left, but if he can't just get past something like this, then idk.

Satellite
05.04.10
On somberlain's wall...

Bulldog: "Sorry I'm not gonna be around to see you're 50th review somb. I'm sure it will be a good one. Peace out."

Waior
05.04.10
the destructive power of criticism attacks yet again

i do not miss the burn of rejection

Satellite
05.04.10
Somebody's feewings got hurt, eh?

mynameischan
05.04.10
i used to get people to leave all the time

it just takes a bit more effort these days

that being said, that wasn't the intention of this but i'm not complaining

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
Bulldog's role among us Sputnik scrubs is pivotal, his musical taste pie chart is awesome.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
...but usually the people who leave are in good terms or they're trolls who take up site space

qwe3
05.04.10
awwwwwwwww

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
sup, qwe3

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
usually I'd feel bad about something like this but his combination of a huge ego, mediocre reviews, and overall close-mindedness really irked me

Deviant.
05.04.10
Internet really is srs business

Waior
05.04.10
123 eric

i mean his first reviews were good first reviews but he never got better

Satellite
05.04.10
If there's one thing about B-dog that I'll miss, it's his "Hip-hop translated for white people" lists. Although the last one sucked.

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
Did this guy consent to having his review reviewed or did you just pull his out of a hat?

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
I haven't known him long enough to know this, so I really can't make those judgments, also because I'm a metalhead, not a hip hoppity aficionado

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"Oh, and kudos for getting a high score on Sputnik. That site is so far up its own arse they can taste last night's dinner" Well, it seems this comment posted in Rosetta's FB was partially true.

JWT155
05.04.10
So who all's bother listening to the B.o.B album now? Check that shit out.

SowingSeason
05.04.10
i can't believe he left because of this.

PanasonicYouth
05.04.10
deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear god channing what have you done

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
I'm guessing he didn't consent.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
chan wasn't the only one who was against him in this thread...

mynameischan
05.04.10
he consented when he put his writing on the internet

Prophet178
05.04.10
Hahahahah if you can't take criticism from someone who is clearly a better writer than yourself then you have major ego issues.

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
He could have become a better reviewer, some of the writing in his reviews was good, he was just too concerned with churning out reviews every day.

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"123 eric. i mean his first reviews were good first reviews but he never got better" I agree he should be more careful about his writing, but we should consider he is like 15 or 16.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
once again tiesthatbind wins

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
from the mouth of the Bulldog, to the shoutbox of the SeaAnemone: nah dude. you got me pegged wrong. i dont have a huge ego. i was just trying to get more people to care about hip hop on the site. it failed miserably. sure, i may be close minded and not like alot of music but im not leaving because of the reviews. it'd be easiest to repair my review writing. e.g stop writing so much, take to heart criticisms, all that s***. point is, people hate me here, not looking for a pity party or any gay s*** either.

Ross22
05.04.10
not meant to be a shot at chan or anything, i just think it's pretty funny that the mods are attracted to non-music lists like flies to an Ethiopian child, but blogs are free game. Moral of the story kids: submit 20+good reviews and post 2000+ comments, only then will you receive internet dominance.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
i'm 16 too, but i consider more about quality than quantity when it comes to reviews

Waior
05.04.10
"I agree he should be more careful about his writing, but we should consider he is like 15 or 16."

yeah well so am I and I suck like 10% less than I used to

being adolescent doesn't negate progression

mynameischan
05.04.10
the difference between this and the stupid lists you guys make is that your lists are pointless

this blog ended with RESULTS

Prophet178
05.04.10
" i was just trying to get more people to care about hip hop on the site"

He clearly took the wrong approach to that goal.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
"being adolescent doesn't negate progression "

123

mynameischan
05.04.10
gonna kill u dave

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"the difference between this and the stupid lists you guys make is that your lists are pointless, this blog ended with RESULTS"

How sensible of you!

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
meh, I like lists, mainly for recs :P

Ross22
05.04.10
Big L RIP


Oceanus
05.04.10
I hope this blog doesn't inspire a bunch of intentionally bad reviews.

That said, I have been trying to work on my first review for awhile now and I do not understand how little effort many kids put into writing about albums (that's not directed at anyone in particular). I haven't even started actually writing the thing, and I have still given several long drives and uneventful evenings of planning possible points of interest and structure.

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"Yes, he's not a mature 19 year old like CHANNING FREEMAN" Let's hope Bulldog's reviews have improved four or three years from now.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
...if he's here..

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
I seriously doubt he'll be back.

tinkrbel
05.04.10
so whats better: being Bulldog, someone who everyone knows and bashes for his bleow average reviews or being ReturntoRock, a pretty good reviewer whose 200 reviews have gone virtually unnoticed

Nikkolae
05.04.10
i could come up with something funny to say about this, but i think my reviews suck so im just gonna stay quite :/

mynameischan
05.04.10
his reviews suck too

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
I hope one of my reviews gets reviewed next.

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
ReturntoRock is awesome.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
I don't think this is a sign up sheet zip...

Ross22
05.04.10
ONE DOESN'T SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR

TheSpirit
05.04.10
Sputnik has a gravitational pull greater than the sun. Bulldog will be back.

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
where's emim's picture?

qwe3
05.04.10
[quote]so whats better: being Bulldog, someone who everyone knows and bashes for his bleow average reviews or being ReturntoRock, a pretty good reviewer whose 200 reviews have gone virtually unnoticed[/quote]

what returntorock isnt a good reviewer

Ross22
05.04.10
NO ONE IS SAFE

Waior
05.04.10
uh returntorock is the fucking worst tbqh



tinkrbel
05.04.10
"ReturntoRock is awesome" idk about that and I dont think his reviews suck either but 200 reviews! and hardly anyone knows who he is on here!

Nikkolae
05.04.10
"ONE DOESN'T SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR"

made me lulzz

Waior
05.04.10
i think we just choose to ignore him

Nikkolae
05.04.10
c'mon hes not that bad, hes just mediocre

Deviant.
05.04.10
"uh returntorock is the fucking worst tbqh"

Shit just got real

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
lulz @ spirit's comment

tinkrbel
05.04.10
that should be Chan's next assignment then: a returntorock review

Waior
05.04.10
too bad his "amberlin" review got deleted

Nikkolae
05.04.10
whos cock do i gotta suck to get my review reviewd oh wait....

SowingSeason
05.04.10
what's wrong with returntorock? granted i don't analyze all his reviews, but he has always seemed pretty good

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
"amberlin"

did he actually write that?

Waior
05.04.10
yeah, reviewed amberlin and gave it a 1.5 for some ridiculously inane reason

idk maybe he improved since then, but his unwarranted (and frankly, unparalleled) cockiness and stupid opinions left a very bad taste in my mouth

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
definitely the biggest thread since AILD review

Ross22
05.04.10
but on a serious note as he was the self-proclaimed "hip-hop authority" on this site, i seriously doubted his knowledge, as he was pretty well stuck in the "main stream" of 90's rap

mynameischan
05.04.10
anyone who thinks they're adding to the site by reviewing the solo albums of KISS members is worthless

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
The balls are inert

Nikkolae
05.04.10
i remember that "amberlin" review, it was for Never Take Frienship Personal rite, daaaaaaamn that shit was horrible, ok i change my first opinion, he aint mediocree hee wackkk

TheSpirit
05.04.10
i kno some prty underground hip op, you guise heard of 50 cent,

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
once again, lol @ spirit's comment

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
What I've seen of RTR's reviews have been good, I enjoyed reading his KISS discography reviews, he kept them pretty high quality. He's been here for over 5 years, so I'm sure his writing is much better than when he joined.

Ross22
05.04.10
BUT HE DOESNT LIEK CONVERGE SO HES AUTOGHEY

Waior
05.04.10
amberlin was probably 8 months ago or so

Waior
05.04.10
also what chan said



Meatplow
05.04.10
great bulldog is PM'ing everyone and saying goodbye

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
...jesus christ

Nikkolae
05.04.10
no matter how crisp his KISS reviews were nothing can take the fail of posting a review for "amberlin" away

SowingSeason
05.04.10
I didn't mind his KISS discog either...tbh most reviews on here aren't adding anything to the site. most are duplicates of albums that were released some time ago.

Nikkolae
05.04.10
i always try to review unreviewd stuff kthanxs

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
The only hip hop I listen to is the Emancipation Proclaimation.

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
I missed the 1.5 "Amberlin" review, that does sound pretty lol-worthy, I'm just judging by what I've seen.

tinkrbel
05.04.10
"tbh most reviews on here aren't adding anything to the site. most are duplicates of albums that were released some time ago"

yes but it seems that ANOTHER 5 review for TDAGARIM gets more comments than something that hasnt been reviewed
that wasn't a shot at you SowingSeason js I agree with what you said

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
So, new Minus the Bear just received a 3.5 at Pitchfork, that means I must delete that album from my hard drive.

SowingSeason
05.04.10
i love anberlin...i suppose i should check out that review before i form a solidified opinion of RtR's work

Mordecai.
05.04.10
Amberlin. ReturnToRock is retarded.

Nikkolae
05.04.10
nobody hates bulldog ross, i dont even think chan does, he was just such a shitty reviewer that he needed this and he couldnt take it

SowingSeason
05.04.10
@tinkrbel: haha yeah i never said i didn't do the exact same thing. i kind of just review what i want, but i know a good handful of them are unnecessary

Ross22
05.04.10
nikkolae i didn't say anyone hated him, i meant that all the bad attention he was getting was re-directed YA NOM SAYIN?

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
The review's gone, SS.

Nikkolae
05.04.10
pzhiiaaaa sure do CUZ!, i know, regarding the poor bastard too bad this happend to him but as he said in i think it was academy's shout, he made his bed now he must lie in it

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
...once again...jesus christ

Waior
05.04.10
ugh ross

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
@waior: exactly what i'm thinking

Baphomet
05.04.10
wow, I can't believe I missed this. I've lost every will to write my new review now.

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
I wouldn't have given the review a D+. - mean he got most of the grammar right.

JWT155
05.04.10
"mean he got most of the grammar right."

Ummm grammar is expected to be right in writing dude, you have all the time in the world to check before you post it.

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
No you don't.

Eclectic
05.04.10
Lol @zipzop, unless you're a srs reviewer, there is no obligation to post.
Yeah, it is kinda crappy that he left.
Mind you, we hated him for legitimate reasons (close minded, bad writer etc.) and he wasn't prepared to face up to those issues.
He did improve dramatically, but I think he slumped with the 30 reviews in 30 days because there was no way he was going to pull that off.

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
You can't convert the site into liking hip-hop even if you post 10 reviews a day. Had he actually taken more time to write and then proofread his reviews, he could've gained more respect for himself and even possibly for the hip-hop genre. Instead he tries to review every hip-hop album ever made.

DaveyBoy
05.04.10
"You can't convert the site into liking hip-hop... "

But I single-handedly converted the site into liking Def Leppard! Yeah, I did.

JWT155
05.04.10
Pour some Sugar on me in the name of love Davey!

taylormemer
05.04.10
Sobhi has written far less reviews and yet has arguably provided much more 'conversion'.

However, Davey, you have no prevalence here with Def L. I'd sayz you has about a 0.01 conversion ratio.

DaveyBoy
05.04.10
True. Everyone was a fan to begin with.

Zipzop5565
05.04.10
I am a srs reviewer

Tyler
05.04.10
call the amberlins

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
That's it. I'm getting a fucking Sputnikmusic tattoo.

This place is the equivalent of lifeblood.

JWT155
05.04.10
Tramp stamp Sputnik music tattoo...

rasputin
05.04.10
hahaha, fucking brilliant chan

do me next

illmitch
05.04.10
Reflection, nostalgia, longing, melancholy, wistfulness, reminiscence, yearning, pining, pensiveness, languor, dreaminess, beauty, magnificence, despair, desolation, hopelessness, gloominess, depression, dejection, sadness, glumness, grief, sorrow, heartache, woe, distress, regret, despondency, misery, wretchedness, anguish, affliction, lament, torment, burden, hardship, mourning, bereavement, loss, defeat, failure, disappointment, disenchantment, disillusion, frustration, disheartenment, deflation, remembrance, destitution, want, celebration, desire, aspiration, hope, optimism, anticipation, pessimism, sanguinity, buoyancy, trust, expectation, belief, faithfulness, devotion, loyalty, attachment, fidelity, dedication, affection, fondness, caring, connection, perseverance, ardor, love, passion, warmth, friendliness, kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration, compassion, bond, zeal, fervor, adoration, reverence, obsession, infatuation, tenderness, gentleness, sympathy, benevolence, deliberation, selflessness, contemplation, empathy, adulation, awe, fixation, fascination, softness, kindheartedness, calmness, placidness, understanding, munificence, forethought, meditation, charm, attraction, peace, tranquility, serenity, prudence, rumination, magic, magnetism, harmony, quietude, cogitation, pondering, enchantment, thrill, delight, allure, musing, brooding, gladness, happiness, contentment, perfection.

Jim
05.04.10
gold

rasputin
05.04.10
mitch, i love you

porch
05.04.10
obligatory dicksucking comment here

TheyTookOurJobs
05.04.10
wow hes even worse than me......... and im fucking shit.........

porch
05.04.10
Yeah but singling him out for this is still such a dick move. Couldn't have picked an easier target

Phantom
05.04.10
Why did this happen while I was asleep

Transient
05.04.10
this is like that time i left but funnier because it's not me

natey
05.04.10
this isn't really hurtful i mean it's not like anyone thought bulldog had quality review before this

thebhoy
05.04.10
If there is a lesson to be learned from all this, it is that we must- BEACH PARTY

Brylawski
05.04.10
This just seems to be mockery masquerading as legitimate criticism. Surprised stuff like this is coming from a staff member

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
Shut the fuck up already. Good lord, you do not know when to quit. Go back to your Nonpoint records, you deadshit caveman.

Brylawski
05.04.10
haha i'm beginning to like you. follow me around and you might learn a thing or two about good music bro

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
Yeah I'll get right onto that OH WAIT NOPE SORRY I FORGOT THAT I LOVE THE MUSIC I LISTEN TO AND SOME FUCKSTICK EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND FANBOY ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE THAT lololololololol

theacademy
05.04.10
@thebhoy SURFS UPP, DUDE

Eclectic
05.04.10
"haha i'm beginning to like you. follow me around and you might learn a thing or two about good music bro"
You realllllly need to STFU

scotish
05.04.10
hmm. there's a fine line between giving a good deal of contructive criticism, and outright shunning of anyone whos writing doesn't improve over time - which, with this being a for-free gig, would be an unfair stance to take. I'ms till not sure what side of the line this blog is on.

Eclectic
05.04.10
I expect its a bit of both.
Chan did mention that if the reviewer was just starting out then these would be good, but Bulldog has been doing these for almost a year now. However, I expect part of this blog was meant to open his (and other people's) eyes to the issues so that they might improve in the future.

Brylawski
05.04.10
No this is just trying to humiliate another user

rasputin
05.04.10
I don't see why people are still debating this. It's undoubtedly written to humuliate bulldog, but I don't care and I don't think Channing does either. You know why? because it's funny

Curse.
05.04.10
Thank god he decided to humiliate him. People need a kick in the ass. Maybe Bulldog will be used as an example for others, and maybe their reviews will improve, even if just for fear than Chan will shit on them.

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
It's funny AND true. Like the Daily Show.

Meatplow
05.04.10
chan is a big ol' pussycat

it's valid constructive criticism if you ask me. i'd be laughing my ass if it was one of my reviews being dissected :p

Brylawski
05.04.10
Because its done under a pretense of providing a service for the site and trying to "help" Bulldog. I don't really give a shit either tbh, i've never even interacted with either Chan or Bulldog here. I'm just saying its a bit weird/juvenile for a staff member to attack a regular user like this, no matter how clueless he may be

Transient
05.04.10
channing wrote this because he's an asshole, i don't get why you guys are looking for some deep reason behind it

rasputin
05.04.10
transun with the answers

Inveigh
05.04.10
wow, this stirred up a shitstorm, huh? I don't mind the idea of this or constructive criticism, but I'm pretty sure this was done (at least slightly) with the intent of being a dick to a guy who's generally pretty nice to most people on this site, at least in my experience. Give the kid a break.

MUNGOLOID
05.04.10
wow chan you's a dick.

AtavanHalen
05.04.10
15 thousand Juggalos together

porch
05.04.10
Almost 300 comments, nice achievement, whether you agree with this or not

scotish
05.04.10
true.

hopefully any more reviewed reviews will be representative of the how good the user is as a reviewer, and not just a snapshot so much of that review. goodness knows, most people's reviews aren't consistantly up to the same standard, and improvement isn't rigidly linear either.

Tits McGee
05.04.10
this is so lol

and it may have forced Bulldog to leave!

Knott-
05.04.10
HAHAHAHAHA AMBERLIN

Satellite
05.04.10
sup 300 comments

SeaAnemone
05.04.10
Knott cool

qwe3
05.04.10
i geddit

Satellite
05.04.10
I Sea what you did there.

CelestialDust
05.04.10
lmao chamber mad random

Tits McGee
05.04.10
oh god I forgot all about amberlin

return to rcok next?

Skimaskcheck
05.04.10
super hot burn

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"Channing wrote this because he's an asshole..." And that is the reason he is a lonesome kid, no real life friends, no girlfriend, and accepts every random Facebook/AIM add.

Slum
05.04.10
harsh broseph stalin

Satellite
05.04.10
sputnikpsychology.com

Transient
05.04.10
wasn't trying to say that being an asshole was a bad thing, channing's a better user than you'll ever be so uhhh

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
"... channing's a better user than you'll ever be so uhhh" Good, being a conspicuous Sputnik user is not one of my goals in life.

ant4tbc
05.04.10
Constructive? Yes. Mean? Dear God, yes.

very informative though. If someone were to critique one of the reviews I have written, regardless of how mean it is, I'd be down.

Transient
05.04.10
conspicuous =/= good, moron

Brylawski
05.04.10
Hey Transient is it easy to gargle Chan's balls and type at the same time



Transient
05.04.10
well yeah, i still have both hands free

Transient
05.04.10
also lol he got mad at me for being mean to him so i'm trying to be nice ;_;

Ghostechoes
05.04.10
Calm down, kid. I meant conspicuous in the good sense of the word, that is, getting attention because of outstanding, good qualities.

robertsona
05.04.10
beef buritlol

BigHans
05.04.10
Although he obviously had grandiose plans of becoming a contrib and self promoting himself, he seemed to be a pretty nice kid. Personally, he should keep his chin up and keep plugging away, Chan might actually respect him then. If he turns tail and runs, he will be an unfortunate joke on the site.

Brylawski
05.04.10
Yeah because everyones goal in life is get some kid on the internet to respect them

lol

AnotherBrick
05.04.10
does he even know about this yet?

Brylawski
05.04.10
yeah dude he's left the site because of it

do try to keep up

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
Yeah, Brick, he knows, he made a list saying he was leaving the site last night.

BigHans
05.04.10
Its about manning up Bry, you probably wouldn't understand that being you are a huge faggot.

plane
05.04.10
"Personally, he should keep his chin up and keep plugging away, Chan might actually respect him then. If he turns tail and runs, he will be an unfortunate joke on the site."

The first will never happen; the second will happen regardless of anything that ever happens

Brylawski
05.04.10
So wait, by trying to gain the respect of some kid on the internet he is somehow "manning up". I mean yeah, making a big deal out of leaving the site was immature to say the least, but isn't he like 16 or something? Also, let's keep the homophobic insults to a minimum now, my AC/DC loving pal

AnotherBrick
05.04.10
hmmm..i even read his list last night, guess i didnt make the connection

Inveigh
05.04.10
I still assert that there were probably better targets for big bad chan to bully than one mr. bulldog.

BigHans
05.04.10
Who gives a shit what the forum is. Ok, lets assume he's 16. Lets say a bully picks a fight with him at school. His options are 1. stand up and fight 2. turn tail and run like a pussy.

BigHans
05.04.10
Thats what I meant about manning up Bry. Consider this a free life lesson. BTW, AC/DC rules.

Brylawski
05.04.10
Sure, ok, he's a pussy, i'm not here to defend that. What i'm saying is it really appropriate for a staff member to dedicate an entire blog entry to trying to humiliate a normal user? No. Why didn't he focus on a staff member? But it doesn't matter because its attracted lots of comments and most people here will continue to suck his balls no matter what he does.

Inveigh
05.04.10
^this.

BigHans
05.04.10
I agree Chan is being a bully here, whether its appropriate or not depends on your opinion. Do I personally think its neccessary? Probably not. On the other side, Bulldog was very adept at being an attention whore, so the case can be made that he asked for this. Whether Chan is right or wrong is subjective, I merely think that if the kid really has a passion for writing about hip-hop (which he clearly does), then he should sack up, take his criticism, fire back at Chan, and keep posting.

Inveigh
05.04.10
that was aimed at the second part of Brylawki's comment. I don't necessarily think Bulldog's a pussy. I think he left more because he took the attitude of "ok, I legitimately care about this site and try to shed some more light on an often-overlooked genre and even if I'm not the best writer here I probably deserve better than an attempt at public humiliation by 'sputnik royalty' so fuck y'all i'm leaving."

Inveigh
05.04.10
I'm not on this site much after about 5:00 pm CST (and i'm pretty sure Bulldog was mostly on at night) so I dunno much about his attention-whoring.

" I merely think that if the kid really has a passion for writing about hip-hop (which he clearly does), then he should sack up, take his criticism, fire back at Chan, and keep posting"

that's another way of looking at it, and a good point.

plane
05.04.10
I like that what we've gathered out of this blog is that:
a) Chan is a "bully"
b) Bulldog is a "pussy"

constructive criticism succeeds yet again

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
The fact that Bulldog continually said "only hip-hop" and continued to pump out reviews even when people told him to slow down didn't help tbh. I agree with BigHans, this is a bit bully-ish of Chan, but Bulldog's been here long enough to figure out how things work around here, getting better at reviews would be the best way to respond.

BigHans
05.04.10
Inveigh, he made a very big deal out of his 30 reviews in 30 days thing. He applied for contrib, and although I'm not positive on this, I think he cited that this project was going to help him acheive it. Thats what I mean about attention whoring, and the countless "review log update" lists about his progress. That said, he wasn't a dick, just probably naive that when you throw yourself out there like that people are going to smack you down.

Brylawski
05.04.10
Yeah dude because this was done entirely for the purpose of constructive criticism and wasn't just an excuse to wring some comedy out of an easy target

There's better and more appropriate ways of offering constructive criticism. Like, for example, the fucking comment section of one of his reviews. If he doesn't take it on board, then too bad, just suck it up and deal with it. There'll always be people who don't take advice.

Brylawski
05.04.10
my comment is for Planewreck btw

plane
05.04.10
wait did you think i was being serious

Inveigh
05.04.10
Hans: ah, yeah I wasn't up on those happenings. I just read a few of his reviews and he commented on a couple of mine, but he always seemed like a nice enough guy. But yeah, your last sentence probably sums up the situation quite nicely.

porch
05.04.10
WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG

Ross22
05.04.10
yo check it i got slugs for snitches, no love for bitches, puttin thugs in ditches when my trigger finger itches.

CelestialDust
05.04.10
I have to admit, a staff member dedicating a blog post to criticizing/humiliating a user is pretty pretentious. I would have left if I was him as well.

BigHans
05.04.10
I have to admit, a staff member dedicating a blog post to criticizing/humiliating a user is pretty pretentious. I would have left if I was him as well.

^ If he could care less about the site, then yes, just leave. Bulldog actually cared about his persona, that was blatantly obvious, and he stated many times that writing about hip hop was his main hobby. With that in mind, he should have stood up for himself. Just my opinion.

tiesthatbind
05.04.10
Okay, in summary:

1. This was mean but freakin' hilarious.
2. Bulldog was a decent guy, but sorta asked for it with his attention whoring, mediocre reviews, refusal to try anything but hip-hop, and his 30 day challenge.
3. This is a good blog that will hopefully make people proof their reviews better, and no, I am not "riding Chan's dick", poorly written reviews annoy me too.

Brylawski
05.04.10
yeah of course he should've stood up for himself, but that's not really the point here. anyway i'm not going to bump this guys thread and ego any further.

WatchItExplode
05.04.10
thoughtful and electronica lol

SlightlyEpic
05.04.10
does chan have his own theme tune yet

Emim
05.04.10
Yes, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRJMhVDVRns

BigHans
05.04.10
Classic

Ross22
05.04.10
BUT CHAN AMICOOL?

MUNGOLOID
05.04.10
oh and thanks chan for further turning into this site into sputnikspace. much appreciated.



Tits McGee
05.04.10
honestly if the kid took some shit said online seriously, he shouldn't be online in the first place

BigTuna
05.04.10
yeah dude nothing online is ever serious

Emim
05.04.10
So then you're not being serious about nothing online being serious? Is my post serious???

WHAT HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME?!

BigTuna
05.04.10
I'm so sorry but the online is never serious Emim you now have to cope

Tits McGee
05.04.10
the conspiracy continues

Emim
05.04.10
So then you're saying that I shouldn't cope?


Jom
05.04.10
Honestly, we're not going to miss him if he leaves, but if he comes back, whatever. He apparently thought we were "bros" because he kept calling me "broseph" and I stopped paying attention to him after that. He apparently got a staff writing position for some obscure podunk site so if that's what he does, good for him, whatever, it doesn't faze us either way. Everybody who thinks that Chan's blog was pretentious or mean is just a pussy. Man up; it's the Internet. Take it seriously all the time.

Relinquished
05.04.10
Jom once again speaks the truth.

I know I'm not gonna miss him.

Inveigh
05.04.10
"Everybody who thinks that this was pretentious or mean is just a pussy. Man up; it's the Internet."

lol.

Ross22
05.04.10
interenet is srs business, only real men use it

CelestialDust
05.04.10
Jommmmmmm

jesusjuice1179
05.04.10
review peter griffin

Prophet178
05.04.10
Now we just got to get jesusjuice to leave the site and we're set.

Ross22
05.04.10
review the holocaust

jesusjuice1179
05.04.10
"Now we just got to get jesusjuice to leave the site and we're set"


dude you're still mad about that...

alachlahol
05.04.10
when reading through this i didn't find it particularly harsh, it's good criticism from my POV. not entirely sure why everyone is freaking out aside from the fact that your bleeding hearts are overly reactive

plane
05.04.10
Everyone's gotta react a different way before we all realize which is the acceptable social norm, set by Jom apparently.

mynameischan
05.04.10
hey guys what's up

the one point i have to make after reading through all those comments is to say that a bunch of you (by a bunch of you i mean brylawski) are saying that it's pathetic to try to get someone on the internet to respect you but you should apply that same "kid on the internet" attitude to the actual blog post. and this isn't even about bulldog, i just got the idea from reading that review. i'll be doing more of these. just because he's the first one doesn't mean i "singled him out"

in other words i'm a huge bully

Emim
05.04.10
You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm calling the principal.

jesusjuice1179
05.04.10
who got mad over this, i normally hate your blogs chan and i thought this could actually be useful

Ross22
05.04.10
yeah it's a good idea, too many keyboard warriors took it over

ShadowRemains
05.04.10
"WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG"

cause we're people, we're made to not get along...

"You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm calling the principal."

lolz





Fugue
05.04.10
Ugh why did I only just read this now? I miss all the good stuff.

Emim
05.04.10
God, this thing has a lot of comments.

porch
05.05.10
k so to recap, its alright for staffers to troll and provoke other users as long as its in the blog and anybody who says otherwise is a pussy. from this point forward i shall keep my thoughts to myself and join the circle jerk

Ross22
05.05.10
are you guys going to craigs house?

ShadowRemains
05.05.10
ross, wow...

porch
05.05.10
yeah dude lets go

Ross22
05.05.10
just wonderin, cuz everyone goes to craigs house to jack off

Ross22
05.05.10
o for real, i heard frankie muniz was there last. and his Halloween costume contest is legendary

mynameischan
05.05.10
this isn't trolling but that's funny coming from you since every post you make is inflammatory in some way

Ross22
05.05.10
who is the all mighty chan adressing?

Eclectic
05.05.10
"k so to recap, its alright for staffers to troll and provoke other users as long as its in the blog and anybody who says otherwise is a pussy."
How the fuck is this provoking him? Yeah, he took to the piss out of him, but he didn't try to piss him off.

porch
05.05.10
I've said my piece about this and i'm moving on. Just as long as you don't put my two shitty reviews on the chopping block next

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
guys when chan inevitably does one of mine next, promise you won't laugh too hard? PROMISE?

porch
05.05.10
i promise to console you after Chan breaks your heart

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
thanks poops, I know you're always there for me

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
i promise Sea that i won't laugh...hard ;)

also porchular is the last person i'd expect to get mad at this

porch
05.05.10
Deep down i'm just a big old softy and i hate to see the little kids get picked on

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
ok porchular...that made me lol, if anything, i'm surprised i wasn't the one who got pissed off at this

CelestialDust
05.05.10
"This might become a regular thing that I do but for now I want to take it slow and see how it goes."

Bulldog leaves

"i'll be doing more of these. just because he's the first one doesn't mean i "singled him out"

Wise decision chan.

somberlain
05.05.10
If Chan would've said that he was going to review someone's review, I think we ALL could've guessed it would be on of Bulldog's. Just seemed like an easy target.
He had already said he was leaving, I guess this made his decision easier.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
review my reviews next

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
to clear some stuff up,

Bulldog told me he had been planning to leave quietly after 100, this was like a week ago.

He told me it was because everyone here hates him.

So chan really can't take full responsibility (credit?) for this.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
wait, bulldog left?

somberlain
05.05.10
"So chan really can't take full responsibility (credit?) for this."

he can for getting him to leave before 100


theacademy
05.05.10
'united abominations' is pretty underrated.

Slum
05.05.10
Bulldog just needs to review TDAG to get his cred back

O.J. Simpson
05.05.10
There are a bunch of major kiss asses here, but i am not gonna lie in saying I laughed at least once. The picture with his face on it is freakin priceless.

cinaedus
05.05.10
Wow I missed this but honestly Bulldog was never that great of a reviewer. Blog had me laughing as all the others did. ReturnToRock should be next. He started out great with his KISS discog, but apparently it was too much for him because his writing went way downhill

theacademy
05.05.10
shut the hell up

Baphomet
05.05.10
Oh I laughed a lot of times, but it was pretty harsh on the guy.

tombits
05.05.10
This was hilarious.

Enotron
05.05.10
So yeah. This is hilarious. But doing it on a staff blog is A) Mean and B) Attention-seeking

Or at least it appears that way. Sure he wasn't a good reviewer, but regardless bulldog was a pretty nice guy.

SowingSeason
05.05.10
mean/uncalled for, but funny and backed by truth. that seems to be the general consensus that most would agree with.

Satellite
05.05.10
Nobody said he wasn't a nice guy, not even Chan. He could have been a good sport about the entire situation instead of contracting a case of butthurt like he does whenever anyone offers him constructive criticism.

SowingSeason
05.05.10
this is borderline on the whole constructive thing though, just my opinion

Satellite
05.05.10
Yeah, but if he had listened to the advice people gave him and developed as a writer, this blog wouldn't have happened.

SowingSeason
05.05.10
probably true. plus his reaction of simply leaving doesn't help his cause

cinaedus
05.05.10
stuff like this happens to me all the time - but on facebook, with only about 5 or 6 people involved. this is the same thing, but all the more humiliating, so you cant blame him for leaving

Eclectic
05.05.10
I think we all feel bad when we get criticized (constructive or not), nobody likes to be told they're shit. At the same time, though, you have to grow up and move on. Fix the issue, don't just sit in the corner sucking your thumb. It got Bulldog zilch here, and it'll get him even less in the real world.

Enotron
05.05.10
It would be completely fine if Chan dumped on him on his shoutbox or his review. But doing it on the staff blog is humiliating,

Lambda
05.05.10
"Bafflingly, he somehow forgot to put a period at the end of the last sentence (perhaps he needed an extra one for that ellipse he puts in front of the album title which, by the way, should not actually be there). Even more bafflingly, there’s a goddamn fragment in that paragraph. Only the most inane of writers will let a fragment slip past their proofreading abilities. This is the same user who tried to write 30 reviews in 30 days. Perhaps he should take a cue from Josh Hartnett and attempt to keep himself from having sex for 30 days instead; I’m sure he’d be much more successful with that."

This paragraph is hilarious. Keep this up!

mynameischan
05.05.10
yeah cept i can't post my amazing shop skills in shouboxes

Enotron
05.05.10
You can replace it with a plethora of emoticons.

Inveigh
05.05.10
yeah pretty much what porch said. i'm was gonna try to pretend like i had something new to add to this discussion but fuck it

Foxhound
05.05.10
Will read later.

CelestialDust
05.05.10
if you want to waste an hour of your life like I did then go ahead

mynameischan
05.05.10
you've wasted a lot more than an hour of your life if you never learned to read faster than that

CelestialDust
05.05.10
chan is right. this is terrible

WatchItExplode
05.05.10
chan telling someone that they're wasting their time is hilarious...do you own a rascal scooter, I swear your legs must have atrophied by now

mynameischan
05.05.10
yeah do you

WatchItExplode
05.05.10
wating for medicare to kick in to cover my costs..things are super sweet though

Emim
05.05.10
""So chan really can't take full responsibility (credit?) for this."

"he can for getting him to leave before 100"

Then we would have another bunch of semi-decent reviews cluttering up the main page.

Srsly though, chan's blog needs a comment cap or something...


Prophet178
05.05.10
You can just read the intro and conclusion, thats what I did.

Meatplow
05.05.10
i discussed this with Bulldog earlier

he said it was karma and will be returning, but not necessarily under that account

thediamondcanopy
05.05.10
See what none of you realised is that Chan just made you all read a crap review.
He made you do it.

toolpeth182
05.05.10
in before 500

fr33convict
05.05.10
I laughed but kind of in the way were it makes you feel dirty afterwards.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
chan, i'm surprised that i'm pretty much the only one who likes this blog

theacademy
05.05.10
what are you talking about this thing is awesoem.

Emim
05.05.10
I've liked every one except for that hypocritical one about lists, but that was more by what was perpetrated in the comments.

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
guys what the hell is this doing off the front page?! get your act together now

Emim
05.05.10
Sowwy, seamen... It won't happen again...

theacademy
05.05.10
sowingseasonseamen

Emim
05.05.10
sowingseamen

Iluvatar
05.05.10
i think you guys forget that whether or not you think its acceptable by all rules and such of the site chan is allowed to do this perfectly well.

Inveigh
05.05.10
yea, no one's debating whether this is allowed or not... just saying it was a dick move is all.

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
I look forward to seeing the next ones, but there's no way any other reviewed reviews are gonna be as big of a deal as this one.

Prophet178
05.05.10
The next one will have the reverse effect: Chan will give Sea an A- and he will get promoted to staff.

Emim
05.05.10
Don't underestimate chan's powers of controversy.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
lol emim

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Maybe Chan should take on a MichaelJordan review. Now THAT would be entertaining.

Curse.
05.05.10
Chan is going to give Hanson an F- for his next one.

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
Chan can't take on an MJ review

Brylawski
05.05.10
MJ>Chan

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Just saying, it would be a good challenge, Bulldog was an easy target.

Curse.
05.05.10
AIDS>Brylawski

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
I may be wrong but I think that was kinda the point

theacademy
05.05.10
MJ is an easier target.

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
It was. I was just throwing that out there.

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
MJ's reviews would be harder to dissect, if Chan did it, it would be even more impressive.

Emim
05.05.10
They are well written, no doubt about that. The motivation behind them is suspect though.

theacademy
05.05.10
but the fact that they're not REALLY reviews would sorta pervert the (supposed) point of this column. MJ obviously writes for controversy (and does so reasonably well, in my opinion) but as i commented on his CTTS thread--it's not really a review. It's just fun to read, and it forces people to debate the music.

If Chan had the backbone that we all give him credit for, he'd review something from one of the weaker staff writers, or one of his own reviews... not just fringe user reviews...

Inveigh
05.05.10
you're talking like this was impressive to begin with

PirateSquid
05.05.10
I hate this made me laugh, but this wasn't just critiquing, this was virtually pulling his pants down in front of the school for everyone to see.

Chan takes dumps on Bulldogs

theacademy
05.05.10
http://www.sputnikmusic.com/album.php?reviewid=34409

this reads like a bulldog review. Look past the five letter word and you can see what i mean..

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Maybe he should review DaveyBoy's Emery review ;)

Inveigh
05.05.10
damnit, that was meant for tiesthatbind

StreetlightRock
05.05.10
dick move

alachlahol
05.05.10
anyone saying that this blog post was based purely around humiliating Bulldog has shit for brains. the 'humiliation' as you call it was collateral, it was not the focus

theacademy
05.05.10
agreed^

Ghostechoes
05.05.10
Most epic review ever http://www.sputnikmusic.com/album.php?albumid=7671

Curse.
05.05.10
i have seen shorter grad school dissertations

theacademy
05.05.10
It isn�t just music. This is the greatest mankind has ever made. It�s all like a dream. Have you chased your dreams lately?

Brylawski
05.05.10
Diamond Eyes

Emim
05.05.10
More like key lime pies!

Brylawski
05.05.10
that summary is so bad its good

tapitforever
05.05.10
inb4some1askswhoiam: im a sputniknobody!

that being said, its sad that a public blog was the chosen medium of which to thrash the writing style of another user, even despite the fact that they've displayed consistent lack of improvement. There are more effective ways to achieve desired ends...

tapitforever
05.05.10
read: holy smokes what a douche move this was lol

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Academy, that is the longest review I have ever seen.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
my one suggestion to this would be to have the users vote on who would be the one reviewing the reviews, not saying that Chan's bad at reviews, its just there should be a consensus on who's the most qualified to review said reviews

scotish
05.05.10
why? everyone can leave constructive criticism for a review. just post a comment for said review.

thebhoy
05.05.10
Wait, why the fuck do people keep taking this so seriously? And ughh, would some of you please use some common sense, Bulldog posted his reviews on a public forum for everyone to read. Whether Chan made a blog or posted his critique in the comments thread doesn't change anything. If an artist didn't want to get bad reviews of a film/book/album, then they can simply not put it into the public sphere. Everytime you put something out there, prepare to be taken to task on it.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
yes scotish, in theory, but if i'm any indication of what users are like here most of those comments would be horribly offesive or contain no criticism at all, we would need someone who could do an unbiased review, that way at least the person doesn't really have to wade through the bull that other users posts

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
thebhoy with some common sense.


Bulldog was kinda an asshole btw, you aren't obligated to say "he was a nice guy" just because he's gone.

alachlahol
05.05.10
jesus is right we must decide who is the most qualified to subjectively analyze the reviews on this site

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
yeah only some people should be allowed to give their opinions on reviews in a public setting. people can't just go around saying how they feel, however constructively. that would be chaos and may even hurt some users' feelings.

alachlahol
05.05.10
and i agree with jesus that we need someone who can write an unbiased review

Brylawski
05.05.10
crucify this

BigHans
05.05.10
SeAnemone I think you're gay because you don't like wrestling and like Animal Collective and think Def Leppard sucks.

tapitforever
05.05.10
this marks the beginnings of a transinternetational elitist user weed-out plot


alachlahol
05.05.10
LEWL

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
yea fuck that SeAnemone character, whoever that is

thebhoy
05.05.10
I think we should all critique our own lives. Get in touch with our inner selves, and find out who we REALLY are... and then let Chan review our findings.

alachlahol
05.05.10
enter the mirror of souls

BigHans
05.05.10
Haha, dude this page is taking so long to load. Is he your monster truck, metal loving evil twin?

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
sputniktherapy.com

SeaAnemone
05.05.10
jesusjuicebeingwrong97%ofthetimeanddroppingtheconvo.com

Brylawski
05.05.10
jesusjuice you are the worst internet user ever

alachlahol
05.05.10
gravedigger rolls every friday

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
damn Sea, ya got me

alachlahol
05.05.10
better give up now before people start another anal assault upon you

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
na, i'm not gonna say anything to the people who post insulting comments about me, i'll let them get it out of there system

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
*their

scotish
05.05.10
500 comments, and it has been decided that only certain elected users should be given the power to give feedback on peoples reviews

and it's downhill from here, folks.

Emim
05.05.10
"500 comments, and it has been decided that only certain elected users should be given the power to give feedback on peoples reviews"

That is the stupidest fucking thing I've read today. This isn't any different than people who basically correct reviews in the comments section.

CelestialDust
05.05.10
omg lol i can't believe people are still arguing over this

JWT155
05.05.10
omg lol i can't believe people are still arguing over this [2]

Emim
05.05.10
Just shut up and get in on the action.

theacademy
05.05.10
shud review lists: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?listid=45463

give that one an A-

bungy
05.05.10
How do you apply for staff?

Baphomet
05.05.10
"That is the stupidest fucking thing I've read today. This isn't any different than people who basically correct reviews in the comments section."

It IS different, and you know it. While you can give your point of view and correct someone's review from the comments box, you can't be as thorough as chan has been here. Plus not nearly as many people will know how much you suck at reviews.

Enotron
05.05.10
The fact that people use the excuse that it's the internet or that it's a public domain that a professional writer for a website can completely humiliate a user of the site is ridiculous. With that same excuse people should have the right to use racial slurs and all other types of directed hate and trolling.

This doesn't bother me that much, but it's a pitiful excuse.

Iluvatar
05.05.10
it would be different if bulldog wasn't consistently shitty in the face of CONSTANT CRITICISM and asking to improve. but he never changed any aspect of himself and well looks like he got shit on. sorry fags

robin
05.05.10
yeah where is tribes anyway

erasedcitizen
05.05.10
He's better than when he started. Still, this was a great article, and there are a lot of people bashing Bulldog here that could have easily been the subject with some lazy copy & pasting.

JimRosenberg
05.05.10
"sorry fags"

Good input man, you have a way with words. With great, reputable staff like you SputnikMusic.com is in safe hands

Iluvatar
05.05.10
tribes isnt the best example. the best person EVER to have done this with would have been Dethrasher

Phantom
05.05.10
omg this is stil going on

Iluvatar
05.05.10
JimRosenberg, is there any other way to get your point across than to offend someones sensibilities of decorum and professionalism? I am not 'staff' because I am good person.

JimRosenberg
05.05.10
If you're staff you should find more effective ways of communicating that don't make you sound like a 12 year old trailer trash redneck

JWT155
05.05.10
Aren't almost ALL music sites well know for their "harsh" opinions? Pretty sure pitchfork makes their living off of ripping popular albums to shreds...

theacademy
05.05.10
JimRosenberg shut up. its not lame because he uses the word. its lame because he uses the word and other users get banned for doing the same.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
i think jimrosenberg might be worse than me...and that's saying something

Iluvatar
05.05.10
and i have no agreement with people getting for just a general saying of the word fag at the end of a sentence. hell, as long as you actually make a real point, you should be able to throw a general personal insult at the end of something.

FUCK THE AUTHORITY

JWT155
05.05.10
I think you should end all your posts with that from now on Illuvatar.

Enotron
05.05.10
But it had nothing to do with the fact that it was Bulldog, according to Chan.

CelestialDust
05.05.10
after i saw chan post ni**** somewhere a long time back, I've secretly lost all respect for him. I agree with academy

Iluvatar
05.05.10
what are words besides things that just mean the same thing as other words.

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
mind=blown illuvatar

JWT155
05.05.10
Forgot to end your last post with FUCK THE AUTHORITY man.

Enotron
05.05.10
The mind equals a blown illuvatar?

jesusjuice1179
05.05.10
lol enotron

DiceMan
05.05.10
In before 532nd comment

Ghostechoes
05.05.10
Shut up, Illuvatar, you're fat and you're going bald.

CelestialDust
05.05.10
that is sooo something MJ would say. Should have ended that with "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. " my fav quote of his

Emim
05.05.10
"It IS different, and you know it. While you can give your point of view and correct someone's review from the comments box, you can't be as thorough as chan has been here. Plus not nearly as many people will know how much you suck at reviews."

I've corrected over half of some people's reviews in the comments section. The only reason I didn't continue was because of space limitations. There really is no difference but that of scale and authority.

In any case, this was warranted based solely on the amount of bad reviews and rigidness to criticism.

theacademy
05.05.10
baseball > basketball.

go celtics, tho.

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Academy, I disagree with both statements you just made.

JWT155
05.05.10
Fuck Boston.

Emim
05.05.10
Basketball >>>> Baseball

Go Lakers (my homeboyz) and/or Kings

tiesthatbind
05.05.10
Go Cavs.

Good topic change.

AnotherBrick
05.05.10
fuck all sports

Emim
05.05.10
Especially curling. Fuck curling.

theacademy
05.05.10
no offense MJ but its pretty dumb for you and chan to call bulldog out on that. Neologisms/portmanteaux are fine in this context, if you ask me...



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