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I wanted the title of my column to be something awesome like Burt’s Bits or Taylor Talk but I have a weird name and “plan” is the only relevant word that rhymes with Chan.

Anyway, the other day I saw Paranormal Activity for the first time.  Marketed by many as one of the scariest movies of all time, I was pretty disappointed.  However, it did fill my head with a bunch of interesting thoughts, many of them so tangential that I couldn’t remember how I got from Point A to Point F or whatever.  Mostly I was distracted by thoughts of how awesome the movie would be if it was told from the demon’s perspective.  Imagine you’ve just died and suddenly you’re a badass demon living in hell.  You’re psyched, you’re ready to fuck shit up.  You get a message from the Colonel of the Demonic Legion saying that he wishes to speak with you.  You’re excited as hell.  You start mentally preparing for Armageddon.  When you reach his office, he gives you your first assignment:  squat in the house of a young engaged couple and scare the living shit out of them, with the eventual goal of possessing one of them or killing them both.  Sounds good, right?  But then he gives you some limitations.  You can’t just go in there and pinch their grape heads in your claws.  You’ve got to have finesse.  You’ve got to…make only one scary noise a night and then spend the rest of your days sitting in the corner waiting for night to fall.

Damn, being a demon will hopefully be cooler than that.

However, I then thought that those restrictions could be pretty fun if you were in the right house.  For example, if you were in Don and Ryan Clark from Demon Hunters’ house.  It’d be great to throw a shelf at them or something while they were hard at work designing the next Norma Jean album cover.  Or systematically detuning all of their guitars over the period of a few nights so that a week later you hear them say, “Damn, we sound just like KoRn.”  The kicker, though, would be if you morphed yourself to have the Demon Hunter logo as your head so that it would be the last thing they saw before you dismembered them.  Of course, I guess there’s always the possibility that they’ve got a secret Demon Hunter laboratory somewhere in which they store all of their demon hunting equipment.  You never know.

What would you guys do if you were a demon in Demon Hunter’s house?

How cool would that be?

image copyright kevcore 2010

Oh yeah, and if demons really do feed off of negative energy, you’d be totally fucked if you were assigned DaveyBoy’s house.





mynameischan
03.26.10
first blog post i hope yo uguys like it

AggravatedYeti
03.26.10
last sentence made it all worth it.

also movie sucked

SeaAnemone
03.26.10
[I]excited as hell[/I]

good one

JulesWin
03.26.10
good job chan.
totally random but fun

HugCrewLoveRoll
03.26.10
hahaha! love the image!

americanmusicmachine
03.26.10
DEMON HUNTER ROOOOOLZ!!!11!!!

PA woulda been better if it wasn't so hyped up. but still impressive movie made for only $11,000. not 'primer' level impressive but still pretty good.

mynameischan
03.26.10
no i liked the movie it just wasn't scary

thebhoy
03.26.10
lol, well done chan.

Aids
03.26.10
Funny, but what does it have to do with music?

bungy
03.26.10
Who cares?

DiceMan
03.26.10
Movie was boring as shit. Aids, it's a blog which doesn't require it to be music.

EBTCardMania
03.26.10
mynameisbland

IronyIsALivingScene
03.26.10
Lolz Demon Hunter.

Baphomet
03.26.10
hahah a demon in DaveyBoy's hous will starve to death, no doubt.

If I were a Demon I would go to Al Gore's house and turn every electrical equipement all the time. Just to watch him scream WHY WON'T YOU THINK OF THE EARTH?!! And when he goes out for help nobody would believe him anyway.

DaveyBoy
03.26.10
It's funny you mention this FreeMan, coz just the other day a scary looking demon knocked at the door. I invited him in for some coffee & scones. We had a nice chat & discussed his parental issues. After he let it all out & had a bit of a sob, we hugged. Stay tuned for next week's episode of 'Dear Davey'.

FreePizzaDay
03.26.10
Nice read.

Electric City
03.26.10
alternatively, chan poops and hits submit

JWT155
03.26.10
I completely dig the pic.

Ire
03.26.10
lawl

Eclectic
03.26.10
Haha, awesome

"Stay tuned for next week's episode of 'Dear Davey'."
Are you going to deal with EBTCardMania's insecurities? I think he needs some therapy for that shit.

Jim
03.26.10
davey did that really happen

c'mon

Masochist
03.26.10
Relevant lyrics:

"There's a monster in my room;
We discuss movies over coffee...
and I think it's quite absurd.
Well, he got hungry; licked his lips,
and tried to eat me,
And it's getting on my nerves..."

DaveyBoy Is Legend.

tombits
03.26.10
sometimes when you don't review or comment things i lose faith in you chan. i know baby, it hurts me to say it too, but i do. but then you always come and fuck my mind with awesome things like this, and i remember why i love you so.

plane
03.26.10
movie was very good this blog was better A+++++++!!!!

plane
03.26.10
also it was way scary but i avoided hype

Motiv3
03.26.10
lmao

Phantom
03.26.10
I like this. Haven't seen PA yet.

Thor
03.26.10
sputnik blogs are pretty silly

WhiteWallStargazers
03.26.10
Oh this is hilarious lol

Brylawski
03.26.10
wow did you even read this before posting it

Yazz_Flute
03.26.10
hahahaha

mynameischan
03.26.10
i didn't buy into the hype either. i watched it with my girlfriend though. if i watched it alone i probably would have been scared.

also hep kat wtf

mynameischan
03.26.10
i did not see it i will admit that

EBTCardMania
03.26.10
"Are you going to deal with EBTCardMania's insecurities? I think he needs some therapy for that shit."

nah even my problems are too elite for the nigz here

cinaedus
03.27.10
this is the best thing to come out of the staff blog by far

TheyTookOurJobs
03.27.10
this is awesome. keep it up.

BigTuna
03.27.10
When did this all start?

natey
03.27.10
wtflol "What would you do if you were a demon in Demon Hunter's house?" my next fb status if i don't forget (bad memory)

LetoAtreides
03.27.10
Please for the love of all that is good in the universe keep writing these.

BigTuna
03.28.10
I just realized this site sucks and I could not give a shit about it. fyi

mynameischan
03.28.10
thank god

natey
03.28.10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE A DEMON IN DEMON HUNTER'S HOUSE?!

Brokenjewel
03.30.10
It scared the crap out of me and my girlfriend - I was actually shaking when I left the cinema.


Cool blog.

Ghostechoes
03.30.10
Now that Chan is all grown up and affable, Sputnik may need a new, rebellious recruit.

SowingSeason
04.04.10
i must've been out of the loop for a while, but i finally read this and it is indeed hilarious

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