Review Summary: Is this even music?
With a name like Goat Vulva and an album name that is equally ridiculous, you know that this album will be one of those that takes all of Black Metal's absurdity to heart. A project of Nuclear Holocausto, Beherit's frontman, he released a number of demos (apparently so drunk when he did them that he can't even remember how many) under the lovely moniker of Goat Vulva, remaining obscure to all but his most rabid fans.
Although a few of his demos foreshadow Beherit's raw, doom-influenced, poorly-produced take on Black Metal, most notably the Crucifixion Demo, Baphometal is not one of these releases. The main problem with this release is that it sounds pretty much like what it is: a drunk guy recording a few doom-laden riffs in his bedroom (or, as my friend suggested, as if someone took a bad cellphone and began recording a Black Metal concert from as far away as possible). For the most part, you hear lots of static and interference with the recording and little else. Not to say that some of these noises are not cool, but they do end up detracting from the few riffs that are played throughout the demo. Oh, and with a production value this low, any power or heavyness to the riffs is lost. Coupled with a muddy-sound, a worthless introduction, and a virtually unlisteanable track in "Undefiled Wisdom", where the production manages to emasculate all the instruments to the point were you can't hear any of them, and you have a pretty underwhelming demo.
As mentioned earlier, there are, admittedly, some pretty cool moments, most notably on the way the riffs and noises (both from Holocausto and the poor production) interact, especially on "Satanix Sex," but these moments are few and far between, hardly justifying sitting through the whole thing. The ending track pretty much exemplifies the problems and virtues of this record, as a pretty generic and boring song turns into a semi-memorable piece by the white noises of the track.
To be sure, fans who take Black Metal's emphasis on lo-fi, DIY ethics to heart will find plenty to enjoy here and even hardcore noise aficionados will take delight on some of these tracks, but for more casual listeners of Black Metal, or even those who appreciate the rawnes but actually want to hear what's being played, this album is pretty worthless. I suppose it is interesting as you can hear some hints of Beherit, but it's so hidden and the album is so difficult that I can hardly recommend this to anyone. In fact, I can't even bring myself to call this music, let alone fathom how people can enjoy this, even if the comments on Youtube had many people fawning over this mess of noise.
