Review Summary: Once you're grown up, you can never come back. Let's enjoy this moment while it's here.
Named after the Happy Days character, Fonzarelli is one of Philly's hidden talents. Being a person who's got to know him pretty well, it's about time that I review his first album that he has officially sold. His best-selling? Yes. His best? Maybe. While 4ever 2wenty 7even: Mental Case Revisited (2012) and Censor Me (2005) are still great, this is the album to truly start out with. Despite many great tracks not being featured on the album (N.A.D.S. (Not Another Death Song), If I Die Next Year, Demon In My Head, etc.), it’s still a cohesive album, and “Singles’ Rage” is the perfect way to start it off.
Singles’ Rage – For all you people who can’t shut up about their Valentine’s Day plans, Fonz has the perfect “*** You!” to you. Being a single man, he expresses his frustration and pleasure as a bachelor. While incorporating his great sense of child humor with all of the poop, fart, and dick jokes, this will become implicated more and more throughout the album. The hook is still catchy, and the humor makes this very enjoyable. Definitely a strong opener, and very close to perfect. (4.5/5)
Holy *** – If you needed a little bit of comedy-horrorcore, Fonz has the song for you. With “Holy ***”, he lets people sit back in awe as he rhymes like
Eminem, but sticks with his own sense of originality. “I will feed you to your mom’s smelly vagina. Can’t spell ‘pussy’ without ‘P U’. I won’t flip you off; I’ll have a little fun. I’ll sprout five dicks out my head and stick up the middle one.” The fact that he’s able to push the envelope of hip-hop. The ascension on the bridge of the album brings up the power on the breakthrough to the next verse, which is a great Segway into the album’s highlight track, “16 For A Day”. (4/5)
16 For A Day – Him and I both agree that this track is the highlight. It’s a prequel to his junior year song, “Way 2 Many Ladies”. The closer to his album Mental Case, it told the story of a girl named Sabrina who was doing it in the bathroom and overdosed on ecstasy. This was also referenced in his longest song, “A Song For Some Chick Named Colleen”. But this track knocks both of those out of the water. The wordplay throughout and the story is perfect. One of the primary plot points is when he cums in his friend, Lindsey’s, textbook. When they’re dancing at the sophomore semifinals, he mentions that they have to stay together like the pages of her science book. The loop back around ends the verse perfectly, and makes the song pretty much flawless. So much so that it deserves a 5. (5/5)
A Letter To My Lady Friends – The first ballad of the album and possibly the best, this track is a thank you to his friends who have helped him through previous depression. A very sweet song and one of the, if not the only, serious song off the album. “Best Friends Indefinitely” was 4ever 2wenty 7even’s breakthrough ballad, and this one is the same. A tender song, but the hip-hop nature is a really interesting spin. Another great track off the album. (5/5)
What Am I Doing Here? – A lot of the unreleased tracks were very dark and depressing, and this is the track he chose. Somewhat funny when Chloe Kardashian comes to him in the video to talk him out of it. No matter what happens, the track still maintains its dark yet comic validity. Not up to par with some of the others, but inexcusable to say the least. (4/5)
$parkly – As ballad number two, this is dedicated to one specific anonymous friend. The flow is comes in perfectly on the verses, and the “ooh-ooh-la-la-la”s add a little bit of humor to it, but keeping it sweet. Definitely a nice track to a great friend. (5/5)
The Underachiever – A song about his 10-year reunion. Filled with reminiscing, humor, and a catchy piano part, Fonz makes this song shine. (4.5/5)
Back In Time (To Change Stuff) – The first and only excusable track on the album. It’s not that it’s bad, but nothing really pops. It’s basically embracing your inner child and thinking about what you could go change in history. If there’s going to be any tracks to skip, it would be this. Not bad by any means, though. (3/5)
It’s Only Up From Here – A track embracing the good parts of life and looking out optimistically. A sweet song that still manages to stay funny. The girl with the dick part, plus the
Rage Against The Machine reference, doesn’t really fit with the theme of the song, and brings it down just a bit. It’s definitely a pickup from the last track. And he was right when he said it’s only up from here. It just depends on how much. (3.5/5)
Swamp Ass – His funniest and most popular song. Possibly gets the best attention when performing. Anyone (Basically everyone who’s been working heavily outdoors in the heat) knows this pain. In this hilarious track, he discusses all the terrible traits that come with this horrible affliction. Bound to make you laugh, as it has many many people. (5/5)
Na Na Na Na Na - If there is some special quality or talent that you have, it's time to break out of your comfort zone, and show it off! With the FamiTracker interlude and the upbeat nature of the song, this is definitely and uplifting song. Another great one (4.5/5)
The World’s Oldest Kids – A song using the chord progression of
Nirvana’s infamous track, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, the song has a lot to do with the title. Whether it was on purpose or not, I do not know. All I know is that this track is bound to make you release your inner child. If he was able to get a whole crowded bar to chant “Diarrhea cha cha cha! Diarrhea cha cha cha! Your mother is a slut, and she also stuffs her bra! Lick my balls, lick my cock, and sniff my farts! Your boyfriend’s a douche with no private parts!”, this song must be a winner. I can’t say anything bad about it. (5/5)
A Song About Nothing – The album closer is a very entertaining one. Not the best on the album, but definitely good. It’s exactly what it sounds like. The heir to the throne of the rhyme king (Eminem) shows off some killer talent. The “I am gonna break you on your neck and throat…” is clearly inspired by Rap God. The
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony reference definitely adds a little speck of funny on to the humor cake. A great way to end off the album, and a great album in the end. (4/5)
To wrap my very first review up, I’d like to bring forth the pros and cons of the album.
Pros:
Humor throughout
Originality shines
Very creative as somewhat of a concept album
Anthem for those who hate their adult lives
Cons:
Poop and fart jokes seem redundant at points
Not much bass to support the melody
Excessive windchime
In the end, I hope you enjoy this great rap record, as much as we have. OVERALL RATING: (4/5)
