Review Summary: The new soundtrack for Oktoberfest has finally arrived.
Everyone knows Germany gave the world the first motorcycles as well as invented aspirin and mp3s but like a spoiled rich kid I ask “what have they done for me lately?”. Germany winks and hands over a Svffer album and all is forgiven. Thank you Germany. I guess you do have more uses than simply keeping the European Union in line like a singular Nun in a building full of bedwetters.
The first time I listened to this record, well I don’t remember the experience. I do remember waking up later stranded on an island with only a ball with a painted on face to talk to all while wearing a cool headband. Does that make me Rambo? Yes...probably. While I don’t have any flashbacks from Vietnam yet I do have night terrors from watching too many Nicolas ‘Put the bunny back in the box’ Cage movies.
You don’t just get to be included in the powerviolence genre simply because you sport a BVB tat on your neck. This band plays fast and wild so while listening to this record your first instinct will be to break things. Step one is make sure you are in someone else’s house. When they get home and ask, “who spray painted farts on the walls and why is my dog watching Jeopardy?” simply slur something out like, “the drumming is awesome!!!” and get back to it. Luckily your raging will only last about 24 minutes and then you can help your friend glue their model airplanes back together. With a little effort and after some training you will be able to harness these emotions and then look as cool as these guys.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGzfq2plOVA)
Before you get all excited and want to spend 12 dollars at the local Blockbuster Music store you should know there’s a wee bit of plagiarism on this record. For one why are they quoting Creed’s ‘with arms wide open’? Talk about embarrassing. Who cares if the next line is “we receive the venom”. Secondly what’s with the Charlie Chaplin speech towards the end. The Chariot already did that at the end of their album. Dirty thieves. Also somebody needs to ask the vocalist why she insists on screaming all the time when everybody knows the best female vocal style is Janis Joplin circa 1971.
Partakers of Lies We Live should also be wary of excessive head banging. You might be trying to eat breakfast at the table and before you know it end up with your face stuck in the bowl and almost drown in the milk. Also it will not be uncommon for people to find you knocked out on the ground if you aren't careful and bash your head in restricting areas like elevators or closets. Driving can be a bit tricky as other drivers on the road can’t figure out why you keep honking at them in an uptempo beat. One of the positive side effects though, is that I get along with the Japanese a lot better now as they misinterpret my actions as very energetic bowing.
Armed with this knowledge I encourage you to seek out this holy grail and let its influence run rampant on your life.
the end.
“But Mr. Forz” you say sounding very whiny, “the review can't be over. You haven’t even really described the music that much.”
Ok no problem. Now before we discuss the finer points of exactly which riffs will change your life you need to get the
