Review Summary: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.
In a darkness engulfed era of death metal where mostly everything was grim and people were being routinely killed off by Muks and Weezings, one German band defiantly and pridefully emerged from the rat infested shadows of their proud, bestial brethren. Reeking of booze and adorned in medieval costumes with instruments at hand, Die Apokalyptischen Reiter started walking and riffing (in a drunken stupor) towards the edge of the world.....forever changing the death metal landscape in the process, unbeknownst to the world, most likely themselves and my soon to be 8 year old pokemon playing ass.
Die Apokalyptischen Reiter was born into the metal realm in the year of 1995. Consisting of a bunch of goofy yet talented Germans, Jesus, Satan and Odin saw it fit for these young men to bring some much added weirdness and imagination to the hallowed genre known as death metal. Their first gregarious release, Firestorm, would soon follow a year later. And what a gregarious release it was. Eschewing the need for grim, brutal and possibly bloody artwork, Die Apokalyptischen Reiter opted to go down a much sexier route. Skulls were subbed out for tits, corpses were nixed for picturesque legs, and the Grim Reaper was given the ol 86 for a total babe, yet through it all they remained true and kvlt with a bare-bones white and black color scheme. The captivating, heartwarming imagery displayed would serve as a stellar starting point for the music that lie ahead.
At it's core Firestorm is primitive, thrashy death metal. You have the blasting drums, the fast riffs of thrashness, the blackened screamed vocals of anguish and raw production values that let you know that you were still in the 90's nigga. On top of this formidable yet basic instrumental formation, Die Apokalyptischen Reiter would go one step further and incorporate some avant-garde flair in the form of the keyboards and possibly flutes. The music as brutal as it may seem is cloaked with a hefty dose of classical grandeur thanks to the majestic keyboards. The keys diversify and deepen the musical atmosphere of Firestorm with a mystical sense of wonder and unknowing. This EP is the musical equivalent of a flaming chainsaw juggling Rasputin decked out in winged Hussar armor while wearing jester makeup and walking fluidly on the torso of a rolling Golem. You are cordially presented with 6 legendary tracks that covers just over 22 minutes of compelling material. Death metal this legendarily pompous has never been seen or heard before and in the process of ***ing around German style, Die Apokalyptischen Reiter have pioneered a new strain of death metal.
There are plenty of gooey riffs to be found. The guitars are the foundation of the record. They provide the rhythmic punch of a Hitmonchan and the muscle of Machamp. The vocals, sounding as if a skull kid found some instruments and Demilich records laying around kakariko forest and begun to undertake a solitary music journey rooted in the metal realm of death, are positively dynamic. You have your screams, your growls and your epic cleans. Alternating between the metal realms of black, death and folk, the vocals are a trident pronged doom assault to the ears. Between comforting you with it's seductive whimsy and overpowering you romantically with it's raw thrusting power, the vocal performance is something to behold. Drums are exeggcuted with the precision of a dual-type grass/psychic pokemon that is laying waste to a castle with it's formidable barrage. Simple, physical, and direct. Nothing more and nothing less. Now, let's talk about the bass. The music is enrobed garishly with gaudy albeit ghastly piano majesty. Through the course of 22 minutes you are greeted with one spellbinding piano run after the other, providing the yin to the yang of the death metal carnage that is taking place. This duality is symbolic of all that is man, all that is life and all that is earth.
Die Apokalyptischen Reiter created a god damn masterpiece in 1996 which sadly became forgotten to the modern masses of metal despite being produced in the nine tails of the Persian embassy. This legendary recording needs to be heard, it needs to be smelled, it needs to be tasted, it needs to be felt, it needs to be loved so don't be in such a krabby when you decide to listen to this. Never forget the sacrifice that Cubone's mother had to make in order for you to be able to listen to metal today.
