|
Album Rating: 1.5
Yee I agree with Aids that was sloppy of me.
| | |
A positive write-up has launched the careers of no name artists while even slightly negative ones have wrecked others.
I'd put a quote after 'artists' here, to make it read more smoothly.
Their scores end up becoming agreed upon fact by most publications as the Metacritic scores for many albums end up mirroring their own.
Their scores are agreed upon fact? i think you're missing a word in the beginning here. Also, the last part is ambiguous-- "mirroring their own" is ambiguous, so I would reword that for clarity's sake.
The average score given to Camp was a 69, not a phenomenal showing but Pitchfork’s 1.6 is by far the most negative score bestowed upon it.
This is kind of a run-on. to fix that, I'd edit the part after 69 to "which isn't a phenomenal showing but...".
Many critics had nothing but gushing praise for it,
This too leads into a run-on-- put dashes where the comma is, or turn it into a different sentence.
Camp is an abhorrently bad album that leaves me wondering how in the hell something this awful could come from somebody so talented.
You like using words like 'bad' and 'awful,' I've noticed. It's ok to use these words as long as you explain why pretty soon after, which you don't do here.
The more awful things we learn about himself and his life it stops being endearing...
This particular sentence is incredibly long, and it's hard to pay attention for the whole thing, no matter how well it's written. Find a way to split it, and you'll be in good shape.
| | |
but neglects to mention he attended the Dekalb School of the Arts and was allowed to major in Dramatic Writing, both huge privileges, it feels like we're only being fed the parts of his life that sucked.
This point feels a bit weak to me. Many musicians focus on what they're unhappy about-- does this make their art any less potent? If you want to make this point, you're going to need to explain yourself a bit more thoroughly.
There are also quite a few grammatical slip-ups in the review overall, many having to do with punctuation. I'm not going to point any more of them out-- just make sure to edit the next review more, and have a friend look through it.
This is so common place my brain cannot even begin to comprehend how all consuming and hopelessly self aware you must think you are to believe this is some staggering revelation designed to leave your audience floored at the depths of your honesty.
I like the way you're approaching this, but at the same time I think you're reading too much into it. I never got the vibe Donald thought this was anything more than what it is-- a love story from camp. There's not much proof he's wanting to leave his audience 'floored,' so I think your point is a bit exaggerated here.
Get off the bus Donald.
Okay, I lied. You need to put a comma after 'bus' here... Make sure your strongest statements have proper punctuation.
Don't take all these comments personally-- this is mostly impersonal grammatical stuff. You always have a very clear voice with your writing, which is why I've come to notice your work lately. You have a very clear agenda with each review, especially here in your final paragraph. Focus on the grammatical aspect of things next time, and make sure to polish things up before posting. Other than that, very solid work here.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
I never take the negitive comments personally. I greatly appreciate the positive comments but its the critical ones that have me skipping my breakfast fixing reviews.
You guys help me improve as a writer so I'm very grateful you do this.
I fixed everything you pointed out in your first comment, I'm starting on the second one.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
Okay done. Thanks a milllion!
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
I realize.
| | | Album Rating: 2.0
God this review sucks.
| | |
Yeah but lol
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
I've been editing the damn thing all day and I'm still feeling shaky about it too
| | | Album Rating: 4.0
Really smart argumenting and writing, personally i really liked the album.
| | |
Here's the feedback, sorry it's a bit late:
Like it or not, Pitchfork are the preeminent tastemakers of our time.
Generally, I'm not really sure this is true - not everyone reads Pitchfork, not everyone has to agree with them. It's a bold statement to open your review, but it's one that not everyone can agree with.
But instead of going quietly into that good night, Pitchfork had a minor coup on its hands.
Don't really like this sentence much; I'd say "coup" isn't a great word and "going quietly into that good night" isn't a great idea.
XXL professed to the album’s “top tier lyricism”.
"professed" probably isn't the right choice of words
Donald Glover’s Tetsuo-sized ego is in serious need of a few more bad reviews.
I kind of have to disagree with saying something needs bad reviews. If it's bad and someone says it's bad, then that's fine. It's kind of like saying we should continue to review BrokeNCYDE (bad or good) because they're so controversial.
so wrapped up in it's creators disgustingly out of control ego
Proofreading:
1. "its"
2. "creator's"
3. "out-of-control"
Chilish Gambino
ok
Donald aggressively shares so many details about himself it resembles a desperate, like-pandering Facebook status.
Why? Just talking about yourself doesn't really equate to getting likes on Facebook. Like, whatever Macklemore song is on the radio nowadays (not Can't Hold Us, the other one) is ham-fisted and smacks of the "Like=Blessing" posts. Talking about yourself does not.
it becomes clear that Donald is tailoring his image in order to draw the most pity possible out of his audience.
That's really good. I would have loved to see that sentence earlier so I wouldn't complain internally about unfair criticism for half a paragraph.
it feels like we're only being fed the parts of his life that sucked.
Again, really good point. I'd open the paragraph with that instead of what you have.
By this point in his life he should be able to look back on his experiences with a degree of perspective but Camp regards Donald's time in high school as a 4-year crucifixion.
This runs on a bit, I'd chop it up a little
Theirs far too little to contrast it against
Proofreading, man
also that whole sentence is a massive run-on
more next comment
| | |
The closest he comes is mentioning his mom was "Workin' two jobs so I could get into that white school", this is stated without a shred of gratitude and used as a segway so he can bellyache about his time there.
Good point, I guess, but it's basically two sentences rolled into one. And is it really necessary to mention your mom in a rap album?
and play his own race card over and over again.
Good. I find this really frustrating at times, although sometimes it's justified. Apparently this isn't though, and you do a good job backing it up.
so here's one
Cut this
Listening to "You See Me" on my laptop was so embarrassing I had to put on headphones.
You don't need this, it's a personal detail that's really not all that important.
Holy sh*t Donald. You embarrassed yourself to a girl when you were 13.
That's allowed, I think. I mean, I've seen far worse topics for rap songs. It might still be a demon for him, and if he's hung up on it then there's nothing wrong with rapping about it. I guess different people interpret songs differently
dependant
dependent
!?
Until they come up with an interrobang, this is a bad idea to use. Looks really unprofessional. For that matter, you kind of lose your whole "critical facade" near the end and just start ranting. Not really a great idea if you ask me, but some people enjoy it
Really nice last paragraph though.
Overall nice job, you could do with some tightening up, proofreading, and control, but this is a good review.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
It might still be a demon for him, and if he's hung up on it then there's nothing wrong with rapping about it.
^^
My problem with it is he doesnt rap about it, he literally just talks about it, and it's how he ends the album.
Thanks for the feedback!
| | |
No problem. I think you're one of the best user reviewers on the site, and with a little work you may get promoted - time will tell.
| | |
still grammatical stuff to fix (also "Chilish Gambino" i mean really?) but as a whole it reads a lot better.
i can't say i'm still particularly fond of your review's premise but it's personal preference and i think it comes off as less judgmental and more critical which is a definite +
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
Thanks for taking a second look!
| | |
nice grammar bro
| | | Album Rating: 2.0
beautiful review
| | |
bump is quality as fuck
| | |
last paragraph is hilarious
| | | |
|
|
