Heartsounds is an improvement over their debut in pretty much every aspect, what is most noticeable is the dual vocals with Murray’s slightly harsher voice and Nichols soothing lines.
This really should be two sentences just because of how awkwardly it reads, but if you wanted to keep it as one you could say: "Heartsounds is an improvement over their debut in pretty much every aspect, most noticeably the dual vocals with Murray’s slightly harsher voice and Nichols soothing lines."
In fact that whole second paragraph is pretty poorly constructed:
The first track shows this off and also shows off the bands more cohesive writing skills, especially with Murray’s guitar work pulling off some technicality that wasn’t shown on the debut, using metal melodies while making it still feel like pop punk is damn impressive. The first minute of 'Race to the Bottom' shows this off nicely and a shredding guitar solo in a pop punk song is always very satisfying.
Overuse of "shows this off", also the first sentence is joined by so many commas...it could be separated into two, maybe even three sentences.
The rest of the review is decent, just try to expand on your view points more...it will give the review a more detailed, fleshed out appearance. For a first review this is good though, so I'll pos : )
Digging: Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds - Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus