Converge Jane Doe
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Thor
April 1st 2010


10223 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Except I would hope that no one on staff would actually write a review like this

Digging: Gorguts - Pleiades' Dust

Thor
April 1st 2010


10223 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

That's not pretentious at all.

DiceMan
April 1st 2010


7067 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

"This abstractness is reflected in the abstract layers of fuzz and noise into which everything determinate is dissolved. Individual notes are either lost in the drone of an open D or are absurdly accentuated. The time signature changes throughout “Concubine” and “Fault and Fracture” are cynically calculated to convey desperation or anger. To this, Bannon’s empty screams parody themselves, the ghosts of their own auto-affection. They simultaneously mask and lay bare “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” (Shakespeare)."



Translation: The ambiguous lyrics can be seen in the ambiguous sound of the band. The band either blends all notes into a single sound or they make them stick out like a sore thumb. The time signature changes are believed to convey desperation or anger. Bannon's screams parody themselves against this background, because it makes them sound artificial. They hide and expose (I know, speaking in paradoxes is a lot of fun isn't it?) noise?



In other words, this review is better explained by the Shakespeare quote than anything else.

ScorpionStan
April 1st 2010


1839 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

your review could use some refining and a broader focus, but i'll say this much: if the staff members had half of your analytical ability, their reviews might actually be half as interesting as this one.

xDANKx
April 1st 2010


12 Comments


nice review, i havent made up my mind about the album yet though, the instrumentals are good, but the vocals arent great, sub-par.

TheSpirit
Contributing Reviewer
April 1st 2010


19963 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

were shadowsfallen's reviews THAT overly pretentious? I've read a few, and they don't seem too terribly bad, but that just may be me.

jesusjuice1179
April 1st 2010


1784 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I think you should all read my reviews...

Relinquished
April 1st 2010


31352 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

You can't get more pretentious than:



"The capacity of human intelligence seems to limit the capabilities to expand upon any possible creative aptitudes. Indeed, if one cannot even notice the facets that the ingenuities around him are comprised of, how can he be expected to fashion a beast of his own? This inveterate sense of constraint is a great blow to the veracity of mankind’s abilities. It restrains us and holds our minds to the ground below, averting any possibility of rising above ourselves to something greater; something not fathomed by the conventional mind. This concept of seeking to go beyond one’s self, known as “transcendence”, is essentially a gateway to unlocking pieces of ourselves that can lead to some of the most elaborate and significant creations of our world. For many, this quest to transcend and form creations that were once considered unthinkable and overwhelming consumes life. Certainly it is rare to find such people, but when they are found, creative barriers are destroyed."

jesusjuice1179
April 1st 2010


1784 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

please enough of this silly fighting...just go read my Sigur Ros review and it'll be all better

AmarinKo
April 1st 2010


33 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

crazy review man. don't agree with ya but its definately a strong case

Lappo
April 2nd 2010


89 Comments


I suspect the reviewer is from ANUS.

Piglet
April 2nd 2010


5994 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

People like you keep Converge at 4.3 : (

Scourge441
April 2nd 2010


3 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Go back to ANUS.

zaruyache
April 3rd 2010


12301 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Band is not that great.

Digging: Sacrilege (UK1) - Behind the Realms of Madness

Thor
April 3rd 2010


10223 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

I don't really know if you can call Shadows pretentious just based on those two reviews. I mean, he likes Cradle of Filth, Children of Bodom, and Shadows Fall A LOT.

TheSpirit
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2010


19963 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

There's nothing wrong with Cradle or Bodom though

Thor
April 3rd 2010


10223 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

I never said there was. I like both of those bands but they hardly seem pretentious to me.

TheSpirit
Contributing Reviewer
April 3rd 2010


19963 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

I mean just because his music tastes are run of the mill doesn't mean his style of writing can't still be pretentious.

Thor
April 4th 2010


10223 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

I mean just because his music tastes are run of the mill doesn't mean his style of writing can't still be pretentious.


It's like you people only read his last two reviews and nothing else, seriously

Piglet
April 4th 2010


5994 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

But in its very superficiality, Jane Doe simulates profundity. The illusion that results is, in fact, so perfect as to disguise its origin even from itself, lost in the night of its own paramnesia. Jacob Bannon might be the one singing on the record, but make no mistake: the words are not his own. In truthth, they are words written by no one. Words that are the product a thoroughly impersonal dynamic, generated by a mindless web of relations that inscribes itself into the consciousness of a human vessel – a human vessel which for it is nothing more than a mouthpiece, a means for expression.



Have no idea what this means, enlighten me.



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