Converge Jane Doe
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Enotron
April 1st 2010



7695 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

If you know it's a troll review, quit freaking out about it(not specifically you, but to the general outraged). I love reviews like these, they're fun to read. It's well-written, it's funny. Sure, reviews like these ruin the credibility of the site, but that's something that has to be put up with when you let users write reviews.....

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2010



16081 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

nah ryan's old review was that way and gave it a 5 and itwas still one of the worst reviews ever haha

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2010



16081 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

nah he was actually at like 50% or so approval for that review. and that was a review where he actually talked about the music!

Thor
April 1st 2010



10176 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Wow that's some pretty IRREFUTABLE LOGIC right there

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2010



16081 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

Okay.

This review is still useless.

ScorpionStan
April 1st 2010



1807 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

i just find it funny that if one of the staff wrote a review of this ilk, i could totally see everyone ooing and ahing over the genius of it.

Thor
April 1st 2010



10176 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Except I would hope that no one on staff would actually write a review like this

Thor
April 1st 2010



10176 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

That's not pretentious at all.

DiceMan
April 1st 2010



7068 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

"This abstractness is reflected in the abstract layers of fuzz and noise into which everything determinate is dissolved. Individual notes are either lost in the drone of an open D or are absurdly accentuated. The time signature changes throughout “Concubine” and “Fault and Fracture” are cynically calculated to convey desperation or anger. To this, Bannon’s empty screams parody themselves, the ghosts of their own auto-affection. They simultaneously mask and lay bare “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” (Shakespeare)."

Translation: The ambiguous lyrics can be seen in the ambiguous sound of the band. The band either blends all notes into a single sound or they make them stick out like a sore thumb. The time signature changes are believed to convey desperation or anger. Bannon's screams parody themselves against this background, because it makes them sound artificial. They hide and expose (I know, speaking in paradoxes is a lot of fun isn't it?) noise?

In other words, this review is better explained by the Shakespeare quote than anything else.

ScorpionStan
April 1st 2010



1807 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

your review could use some refining and a broader focus, but i'll say this much: if the staff members had half of your analytical ability, their reviews might actually be half as interesting as this one.

xDANKx
April 1st 2010



12 Comments


nice review, i havent made up my mind about the album yet though, the instrumentals are good, but the vocals arent great, sub-par.

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2010



16081 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

when staff do write reviews like this, they end up deleting because they suck. and let us not forget the great shadowsfallen, who was far and away somehow more pretentious than even you.

you can go ahead and say you are better than me though

Iluvatar
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2010



16081 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0 | Sound Off

Well they themselves ask for it to be deleted. I think I've had one or two reviews deleted...although I don't remember if it was because I thought they were bad, or I just strongly disagreed with the review in retrospect.

TheSpirit
April 1st 2010



17184 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0 | Sound Off

were shadowsfallen's reviews THAT overly pretentious? I've read a few, and they don't seem too terribly bad, but that just may be me.

Digging: vhmnt / blsphm - vhmnt / blsphm

jesusjuice1179
April 1st 2010



1784 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I think you should all read my reviews...

Relinquished
April 1st 2010



24468 Comments


You can't get more pretentious than:

"The capacity of human intelligence seems to limit the capabilities to expand upon any possible creative aptitudes. Indeed, if one cannot even notice the facets that the ingenuities around him are comprised of, how can he be expected to fashion a beast of his own? This inveterate sense of constraint is a great blow to the veracity of mankind’s abilities. It restrains us and holds our minds to the ground below, averting any possibility of rising above ourselves to something greater; something not fathomed by the conventional mind. This concept of seeking to go beyond one’s self, known as “transcendence”, is essentially a gateway to unlocking pieces of ourselves that can lead to some of the most elaborate and significant creations of our world. For many, this quest to transcend and form creations that were once considered unthinkable and overwhelming consumes life. Certainly it is rare to find such people, but when they are found, creative barriers are destroyed."

jesusjuice1179
April 1st 2010



1784 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

please enough of this silly fighting...just go read my Sigur Ros review and it'll be all better

AmarinKo
April 1st 2010



33 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

crazy review man. don't agree with ya but its definately a strong case

Lappo
April 2nd 2010



89 Comments


I suspect the reviewer is from ANUS.

Piglet
April 2nd 2010



4653 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

People like you keep Converge at 4.3 : (



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