Review Summary: A masterpiece of modern post-rock, a flawless innovation in electronic music and Teeheehee Rainbow Stab’s magnum opus – in 50 years’ time, music historians will look back to our humble time and say, ‘Abbey Road, OK Computer, Pizzaface’.
There have been endless numbers of people since the dawn of the seventies that have genuinely sat and wondered to themselves, ‘what truly makes a classic album?’ The Beatles knew, Kurt Cobain knew, Soundgarden knew, and a new age of the ‘classic album’ has dawned upon us, the age of ‘Pizzaface’ – an age where music comes and goes, but wherein all is overshadowed by the inherent phenomenon known as Teeheehee Rainbow Stab. Not only does the record completely erase any relevance that its contemporaries within the genre of ‘ambient space wibbly wobbly goop Canada’, but pretty much any relevance that any other band has ever had within any genre. Right from the get-go, the listener may be likely to experience severe Myocardial Infarction (heart attack) upon attempting to absorb the pure genius of opening tracks ‘Hot Alien Chicks’ and ‘They Cometh’. It is clear that some sort of otherworldly musical best has set itself upon us in the wake of ‘My Radio Isn’t Working’ and ‘Why Is My Spaghetti Moving’, with ethereal soundscapes that will appeal instantly to anybody, anywhere, regardless of their musical preference. Indeed, TRS will soon become not only the single most important musical force of our century, but also the voice of our generation with its colossally insightful ‘Titling Songs Untitled is Such a Cop Out’. The aptly titled ‘Air Orgasms’ serves its purpose as the absolute centrepiece of this masterwork, a track so compelling that it will literally levitate the listener into mid-air and make them wildly and uncontrollably orgasm, regardless of gender.
Indeed, the record can be listened to literally thousands of times before the listener has any desire to stop. It is truly factual that every album, ever, will pale in comparison to this. It is recommended by Medical Lecturers at UCLA that the listener wait 6-7 days before attempting to listen to anything else, as they may experience suicidal thoughts upon realising that they will never find a piece of music again that will ever come close to the true radiance of ‘Pizzaface’.
Yes, Pizzaface is an album that absolutely defies opinion – its brilliance is so unfathomably obvious that not even within the bounds of its respective medium can anybody differ from accepting its flawlessness. Never has anybody, anywhere even come close to what this record, and nobody ever will. It would be a fair statement to suggest that while Teeheehee Rainbow Stab remains in existence, there is simply no justifiable purpose in continuing to write, play or record music. There truly is no other explanation - Pizzaface is the second coming of Christ, and we are all going to die.
